European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 27, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Columns bullying up to fashion trends is getting easier by John Windrow staff columnist Brush off those Bill buttons ladles. They re in. Good news for Bell Button aficionados everywhere reported in the last Issue of Newsweek. Wrapped around a photo of two luscious babes with bellies exposed was an article on fashion that proclaimed the return of the Bellybutton. This quote from a fashion Czar named Orchard Ozcar jumped out at me the Bare Midriff is the new erogenous focal  More obvious erogenous focal Points Spring immediately to my mind but i m forever being accused of reducing everything to the lowest common denominator. Why not the Bellybutton any Day now i could walk into my Friendly stars and stripes Bookstore and pick up some Blouse Ripper by a lady author from Southern California that starts out Jake Randy the wildly successful yet strangely unfulfilled Young advertising executive sat on a red leather bar Stool in his $600 suit and his designer shoes sipping wine spritzers and dreaming of someday finding meaning in his glitzy hot tub fast Lane life. Suddenly the Bellybutton of the woman in the Booth by the Buffet table caught his Eye. I can hear the comments on the Street Corners now. Holy smokes Jackson. Did you catch the Bellybutton on that Chick does that blow your socks off or Ivhan f this would All be a Good thing for Bellybutton which really Don t get much recognition. I never thought they did very much besides collect lint and slowly disappear like the setting Sun As advancing years and Rolls of fat take their toll. I did have a pal in the Navy an athletic Type who could place an Olive in his Bellybutton flex his abdominal Muscles and propel the Olive into the air. Sometimes after he had two or three martinis in him he could land the Olive in an ashtray or Peanut dish on the bar. He called this Bellybutton basketball. He was years ahead of his time unfortunately belly buttons were under wraps in those Days. He performed the stunt for free Many times. Now no doubt he could open his own boutique in los Angeles or Manhattan and appear on daytime to shows pushing his line of Bare Bellybutton clothing. However before you run out to some Midriff restoration Salon to get your Navel overhauled consider this Early this month. United press International ran a Story about club med  the 20th Century seems to have an endless Supply of scourges this being the latest. Up reported on a doctor in Boston who had treated a Tan 18-year old hispanic woman who suffered from a tender red rash on both  upon investigation it was determined that the Young lady had been at club med a ritzy Caribbean resort where she engaged in a Jovial drinking game during which men slide limes Down the bodies of females with their  Why can t we get something like this to replace the National basketball association i won t go into All the detail but there s some Type of Oil in the skin of the Lime that gives people a painful rash. Evidently Many of the limes were getting squashed somehow. Every Rose has its Thorn i suppose. I being a working class grind Don t really have much to fear from club med dermatitis. I la admit if i had a Chance at catching the disease i d take it but the Chance seems rather Remote. But the Type of people who follow fashion have the Money to buy a new wardrobe every three months and look presentable in shirts and dresses with no middles Are exactly the Type who will invariably become infected. This could doom the Bellybutton craze. It s Odd How nature provides a reaction for every action. The closest i Ever came to anything like the club med Lime rolling game was in the fifth Grade. I was deeply in love with a Brown eyed Sylph named Lanette. We were at a halloween party and played a game that involved a boy and girl taking the opposite ends of a siring in their Mouths and chewing until they ended up nose to nose and kissed. When the Golden moment arrived Lanette took a Long look at me and swallowed the string. Needless to say i never found out what her Bellybutton looked like. Catch All phrases Aren t Scourge of the nation by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i there a proper reply to the increasingly used parting words of grocery clerks  who Are otherwise pleasant Well meaning and i m sure Well mannered the dreadful there you go hereafter called Tyg. I am very distressed at thin late development of the English language. Toiv does one Cope with it How does one explain it to one s Nephew from Norway How does one effectively combat this outgrowth of Sto e conversation is there a proper reply or has one really to go obediently As suggested by Salt cleric i know that not All tvs Are offensive. There is the cheerful Tyg which follows How Are you this Beautiful morning but there Are other tags the one that sounds like run along now and Don t come Back or you should feel so Lucky that i m helping you or i helped you because i feel sorry for  i m sure these people must be having an awful Day so How can i help them feel better gentle Reader do not repeat not Tell them to have a Nice  they la All get furious and write miss manners letters about the deterioration of the English language the insincerity of the speakers and the need for a crushing Way of answering such an affront. Poor miss manners is still exhausted from the protests of people who disagree with her decree that May i help you is an acceptably polite Way for a clerk to Register the desire to be of service. So what if it does not Bear logical analysis because it is obvious that customers want to be helped conventional phrases exist precisely to save people the trouble of thinking out something original for each situation and to spread a kind of easy and generalized Good will. Unfortunately there is no such phrase to convey the idea of there i Hope that takes care of your request  actually you the customer should be saying a conventional thank you yes yes we know you paid for the service but it won t kill you to say something Pleasantin which Case the clerk need Only say you re Welcome or you won t like this one because you la suspect it of being insincere it is a pleasure to serve  there you go is an attempt to fill that Blank. You can probably head it off by saying thank you or you can make that your response. Dear miss manners during a visit with my Brothers and sister at my parents House the subject came up of what would happen if we died prematurely. Two couples said that their children would All go to the same other couple. My husband and i Are basically like this couple in lifestyle and we All get along pretty Well. We have no children and show our love to All our nieces and nephews. I was offended thai the other couples would make this announcement in front of me with no recognition of How i might feel. Could i have let them know that my feelings were Hurt by their not wanting us to care for the children and by their openly announcing ii in front of me was i belter off doing what i did saying nothing except to my husband gentle Reader did it occur to you to say to each couple we also want you to know that we love the children dearly and would be Only too ready to do everything we could for them if anything should happen to you no Why not bequeathing the care of one s children is a bit More than a popularity contest which is the Way you Are treating it. The emotional and financial responsibility of rearing orphans is an incredible commitment and any Parent would want to know that it would be undertaken gladly with no reservations whatsoever. Miss manners does not know or ask Why you Are childless and does not know whether your siblings know either. It May be that they skipped you because they believe that you to not want children or even if you do that you Are not aware of the commitment having children emails. But she can Promise you that whether or not they might consider making you guardians and for that matter whether or not they die before you it would be a tremendous Joy to them to hear that you Are seriously devoted to the welfare of their children and can be depended upon to help them if they need it. That miss manners believes is what families Are for not for scrutinizing one another for possible slights. Do you have an etiquette question address any correspondence Blue or Black Ink on White paper to miss manners in care of the stars and stripes Apo 09211, us. Forces. Fenbury 27,1986 stripes Magazine