European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 18, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 18 the stars and stripes Friday april 18, 1986 today s crossword More than you wanted to know by Andy Rooney there arc very few things that interest everyone. That makes it difficult for magazines television shows and writers in general to attract a lot of people. Newspapers Don t have the same problem because they can print a lot of different stories in different sections of the paper and ignore the fact that none of their readers Are going to read All the stories. This comes to mind because when i get up in the morn ing i turn on a radio Brian gave me for Christmas. It Sticks to the Shower Wall and is designed to be impervious to water. It s one of those rare Christmas present Gim micks that turned out to be useful. All i want from radio Early in the morning is a news summary a Short feature on health Money or entertain ment and the scores of the games i m interested in. Radio s problem is that no one is interested in hearing the scores of 80 basketball teams and that s what they give you. I am just barely a basketball fan and i am certainly not interested in whether Upsala beat Juniata. Especially by How much. I could t care less whether southwestern Michigan beat northeastern Texas by 84 to 73. I am very impatient to the Point of turning the radio off with any announcer who reads the names of a Long list of colleges Many of which i be never heard of before he gets to the one or two that interest me. I Don t know what a radio station should do about this. If it has 100,000 listening i suppose four or five might be interested in the Upsala Juniata score but the station should t forget that leaves 99,996 of us yawning. Long lists of basketball scores must be even More annoying to people listening who hate basketball. The scores of Spring training baseball games leave me cold. The so called All news station i listen to compounds its own problem by insisting that its announcers give the scores the hard Way. They say Urcla triumphed Over us by a score of 91 to 87. The University of Arizona eked out a Victory Over Oral Roberts 104 to 97, and the University of Kansas tripped Arkansas 84 to 79. In the East Brown whipped Yale 63 to 57, and the redmen of st. John s downed the Georgetown hoyas 102 to 50. Vil Lanova scored an upset Victory Over the Virginia Cavaliers 91 to 86." Are they trying to entertain me or give me the scores i m not entertained by strained synonyms for All those superfluous words take time and add nothing. Television sportscasters have made scores difficult to comprehend quickly by abandoning the widely accepted form of listing the winning team first. For example on those football Roundup shows they invariably list the teams Willy Nilly. They follow no pattern that i can see. For a while i thought they must be listing the Home team first but that in t the Case. In the Magazine business the new trick for attracting an audience in recent years has been the specially publication. A Magazine is often no longer simply about sports it s a special Magazine devoted exclusively to football Ping Pong scuba diving or Mountain climbing. Unless you re an airline Pilot a plumber a stamp collector or a Rug Weaver you Don t realize How Many specially magazines there Are devoted exclusively to flying plumbing stamp collecting and Rug weaving. There is nothing in the Rug weaving Magazine about plumbing because the Edi tors realize not All of us Are interested in everything. I be made the mistake of buying some woodworking tools from a mail order House in the past year and now i m on every mailing list for every publication there is specializing in tool Wood furniture crafts brass hard Ware and marquetry. Some nights there s no place to put my Glass on the table next to my chair. I m about As interested in All those Cata logs As i am in the scores of All those basketball games. C Tribune Media services pics dispensing Money orders by Art Buchwald the political action committees Are starting to dispense Money for the election primaries. Not Only Are the committees a source of funds but without pics few legislators would know which Way to vote. I came to this conclusion while walking past the National association for True Blue government the Pac for the dynamite users Industry. The line of legislators wound around the Block. In front of the building was a wooden table and behind the table was shifty Diamond chief paymaster for the Pac. A Large pile of $20 and $50 Bills was stacked in front of him. Shifty was Yelling. Have your voting records available so we can look at them please. Only incumbents in this congressman Damper presented his record to shifty and waited nervously. Shifty said it says on our computer readout you voted against dynamite being transported through school and Hospital what could i do the mail from my constituents was heavily in favor of regulating dynamite do you know How much it costs us to deliver dynamite under present regulations i think we ought to make something perfectly Clear. We Don t care How you vote on other issues. When it comes to dynamite you re either for your constituents or you re for but they elected me Damper protested. They May have elected you but they can t finance your Campaign. Now the big vote on More liberalized dynamite sales comes up on thursday. Which Side Are you on i m not sure. Dynamite kills shifty got red in the face. No it does t. People kill then in that Case i m for dealers Selling dynamite Over the counter without asking anyone for spoken like a Good Friend of our Industry shifty said and counted out a bag of Money. Following Damper was sen. Tobacco stain s Campaign manager. Where s the senator shifty wanted to know. He s up on Capitol Hill dispensing funds from his own political action Why should we give him Money if he has his own Pac because you need his vote to permit dynamite to be sent by parcel Post across state that s True. But Why does sen. Stain need Money because he s shifty Shook his head. That s the Only honest answer i be gotten today. How would the senator feel about a $2,500 contribution he d feel better about a $5,000 shifty said the Man talks our language. Here it is in fresh i must warn you. The senator will never say thank you Why not because we re doing you a big favor by accepting the Money. Your Pac needs every vote it can get particularly after the police chiefs came out against people making bombs in their own the police Are panicking. Dynamite is Safe As Long As it is kept out of the hands of children and forget the party line. You still need the senator to keep the anti dynamite wimps from bulldozing your a third person came up to the desk. I d like some Pac Money. I m challenging the incumbent How can we give you Money when you Don t even have a voting record i Don t need one. I decided the Only Way to run for Public office is to sell shifty handed the Young Man a stack of Bills. Wel come to the Angeles times. embezzled 0ank.funps, imprisoned ties. Vader a Kaupp of53.500,con vict5p." "r1charp , accept up Money and matches i avoid the push air Ethnan folks clean i allow a out your a is of Sot later. Now by Eugene Sheffer across1 Matt Dillon role 4 Beanie. 7 base Bailer Tony 12 Wall climber 13 Mickey sex 14 giant 15 " Abner 16 epicure 18 Nice season 19 flanks20 moist 22 patriotic org. 23 carpet Type 27 vegas 29 Good Friend to Pierre 31 with the voice34 up material 35 witticism 37 naughty38 Cote females39 be in the red 41 justic Warren yesterday s answer 45 direction 47 Zodiac sign 48 words to a cruise taker 52 Yoko 53 Tyuana tata 54 Kurosawa film 55 siesta56 High schoolers57 foxy 58 City trains Down 1 like Bath floors 2 Broadway musical 3 Plant tissue 4 Airport autos 5 steers Clear of 6 Hsing Hsing,. 7 Singer Redding 8 actress ullmann9 Call Day 10 moving truck11 Hill dweller17 Active word solution time 25 min. 4-18 21 prunes to be 23 sarcastic 24 Solo of Star wars 25 Rosalynn daughter 26 " Bias 28 fuss 30 eggs to Caesar 31 honest president 32 hushed 33 a chorus line song 36 conservative 37 Tiger type40 has on 42 by oneself43 of the kidneys44 hand writing parts 45 fling 46 refuse 48 Diamond need 49 Keats product50 never in Nuremberg 51 Wernher Braun 12 15 20 31 35 38 48 53 56 32 49 33 50 21 27 51 13 16 19 28 45 22 36 39 40 54 57 17 29 14 30 34 46 23 41 24 42 47 52 55 58 10 25 43 11 26 44 4-18 Hubert have a seat Pooley i Trust of have no Taa eate9 from i problem taking orders. 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