European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 24, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns hell s seen no fury like a dog named Rasputin by John Windrow staff column my moroccan Barkeep refuses to work thursdays. I Don t know what s happening to the service professions these Days so i have a thursday bartender named Leroy. Last week i found him in tears. Leroy is from Mississippi and usually those boys Don t give in to that kind of foolishness. I look him to task. Stop All that caterwauling and open me a Heineken Leroy i said severely. You should be ashamed of yourself a big Man like you carrying on like a schoolgirl. You look like your dog Leroy s shoulders Shook and he sobbed All the harder. Rasputin he moaned my i m about to die from thirst i said bitterly and you re crying your eyes out Over a mad russian Monk who s been dead since 1916. A Faith healer at that. You been drinking that russian Vodka again Leroy Leroy composed himself and pushed a Beers and Lears stained photograph at me. Rasputin is my dog he said. I looked at the photo. A pair of red eyes an enormous hairy head and More fangs than a Crocodile with a double set of Wisdom Teeth. Dog i said. This is a Leroy grinned and nodded a siberian husky. He used to pull sleds in Alaska. A Guy walked in the club one Day and gave him to me for can t imagine Why i muttered. Rasputin had Ealen his apartment the Rug the curtains the Couch the aquarium and All the fish the doorknobs everything. The Guy left him alone too much. Rasputin loves people but he hates Solitude. He s a pack dog see and people Are his so you look what a dog. I loved him and he loved me. When i was gone All he did was claw at the door and Chew the Doorknob. If you did t Deadbolt in he was strange you Don l know the half of it. He killed everything that moved that was t human but he Only ate cooked food. I had to feed him Steak and eggs right off the you re with Salt and Pepper. If you did t Salt and Pepper pm he d just sit there and look at you. If you put him in a Cage with dog food the dog food got Smellie and Smellie and Rasputin got skinnier and Tough dog i said. He was tougher than a hell s Angels convention. The first Lime he got out., a Brand new Audi hit him. The Guy was driving it Home from the showroom. Ii did t Hurt Rasputin but i had to pay $1,050 for the damage to the what happened the next time the German police brought him he wrecked their car too they said he killed a Deer. Boy were they sounds like he was making a name for then he killed my Boss s wife s cat in front of her. He grabbed in one time and Shook it. The head went one Way and the cat went the other. She was in Shock. My Boss kept saying it s Only sleeping it s Only sleeping " Leroy s hand Shook As he poured himself a Bourbon. Sleeping with no what happened next i came Home one Day and the Doorknob s chewed to a nub and he s gone. I went crazy looking for him. The cops found him first with a naked lady and 17 dead Shanghai roosters. She was nude sunbathing in her Back Yard when Rasputin roars by and hell busts Loose in the Chicken Coop. Seventeen prize show roosters. That Cost me 500 so the cops brought him Back three of pm in Riol gear. Two Are holding Rasputin with ropes and the other one has a gun on him. Rasputin s just grinning and walking along gentle As a new Iamb. They old me to gel him Oil of the country in 30 so what d you do i took him up to the Frankfurt Airport on a 12-fool Chain. I m standing at the counter while the airline people Are getting this Cage for me to ship him Back to Atlanta. He s so Calm he looks like he s asleep. Then this Sweet Little old German lady comes tottering up with a cat in a Cage. She sees us. She walks Over toward us holding out the Cage. Every hair on the cat is standing straight up and shooting Sparks. Is eyes Are bigger than no. 9 frying pans. The lady Slicks the Cage right under Rasputin s nose and says something in German that i think meant look at the Nice do Gripe when the Chain jerked out of my hand in almost took my Arm off. Rasputin smashes the Cage and starts chasing it around the Airport lobby. The cat s still inside yowling like Frozen Brake shoes. People Are running every which away screaming and grabbing their children. I caught him. The old lady s hanging on the counter fanning herself and trying to talk but the words won t come out. The air plane people have finally found a Cage and they re screaming at me in four languages to put Rasputin in it. I Jam him inside the Cage hand the old lady 100 Marks get Rasputin checked on a flight and run for the car. So now he s in Atlanta i said. He s in Mississippi with my folks Leroy said. He dabbed at his eyes with a bar Towel. But i sure do miss Well 1 said trying to console him at least you Don t have to pay for any More yeah Leroy said opening me another Beer. Not to mention All the Steak and one person s necklace is another person s noose by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners at a family dinner i noticed a pretty and unusual necklace that my aunt a wearing. I commented on it laying i remembered teeing it somewhere before. My aunt replied that it had belonged to my Mother who had Given it to her but that the now wished me to have it she unexpectedly a clasped the necklace and passed it Down the table toward me. My Mother intercepted the Booty saying to my aunt i Only loaned it to you and Iff not Yourt to suddenly my aunt flood up and leaning menacingly toward my Mother Taid sternly it s mine. You gave it to me and now i want Suzy to have it. Give it my aunt f intimidating stance struck fear in the hearts of All present including evidently my Mother who returned the disputed hem. My aunt then passed it Down the table in the opposite direction and the horrible thing came to rest in front of me. I started to say something but was strongly advised by my father to my left and my Uncle and my husband to my right to Clam up and sit tight presumably to allow flaring tempers to subside. After a moment or two of silence and possibly some prayer Normal conversation resumed and All seemed again at peace. My husband wanting to remove the incendiary object from View pocketed the necklace. After dinner i took my aunt aside and expressed my unwillingness to accept the necklace under the circumstances. She insisted that she wanted me to have it and assured me that she had no hard feelings whatsoever. Shortly thereafter my Mother cornered me saying that necklace has great sentimental value to me. It came from Tiffany s and was Given to me by an old Boyfriend. I want it i told her that it was not in my Possession that my husband had it. She evidently decided to let it go or the moment for when we left the party he still had it. I have no desire to keep the necklace and am inclined to return it to my Mother. What do you recommend gentle Reader what you have Here is a hot potato and miss manners is in utter sympathy with your desire to get rid of it before it a scalds your neck. The Only question is where to throw it. It would be Only too easy to escalate this incident by lining up family members on one Side or the other thus eliminating family peace and dinners for some time to come. You with your father and husband would naturally be expected to take the Side of your Mother while your Uncle would be your aunt s natural defender. By this division you would do what your Mother said which is to give the necklace Back to her thus legitimizing her claim of ownership against your aunt s. But you must All remember that your Mother and aunt have been getting along or not getting along in ways Best understood to themselves for a Long Long time. As your male relatives immediately sensed the chief object of anyone subjected to such an outburst based As it must be on an intimate and complicated emotional state Between the two should be refusal to participate. Miss manners congratulates you on the behaviour of the gentlemen in your family at any rate therefore the proper person to whom you should return the necklace is the one who gave it to you. If in the name of immediate family peace you wish to suggest to your Mother that you had no other honorable recourse allowing her to imagine that you naturally believe the necklace to be hers. Miss manners will not discourage you. Dear miss manners my Good Friend is about to have her second child and i would like to give a baby Shower for her. She says that she had a Shower for her first child and she is not sure it is proper to have another. I say that the baby Shower is for her new baby and has nothing to do with her other Shower. Gentle Reader no it s for the Mother. The new baby will be there but not As a full fledged guest. Second baby showers Are discouraged because the Mother although equally excited about the new baby is no longer so thrilled by seeing tiny garments and baby equipment with which she is now supplied and Only too familiar. And her friends although equally pleased for her May also enjoy a rerun less. Rather than run the risk of being either tiresome to the guests of the previous Shower by inviting them or offensive for not inviting them Why Don l you just gather a few intimate friends for a luncheon or Lea without calling it a Shower july 24, 1986 Tripti Magazine
