European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 2, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 14 columns. The stars and stripes thursday october 2,1s86 today s crossword 10 sexiest men list was a farce by Russell Baker upon hearing that the editors of playgirl Magazine were choosing the 10 sexiest men in America. I thought it Best to prepare my wife and children for what would surely be a trying experience. Whatever happens from now on i Lold my wife Iii always come Home for she misunderstood of course the agreement was either we d eat out three limes a week or you d learn to Cook she said firmly. I worried about the children. Psychologists say children hate the thought of a Parent having any sex life at All. Having a father acclaimed one of the 10 ice isl men in Hie country might be psychologically devastating to them. To head off potential damage i decided to talk to them frankly about the facts office Fisl fib w a Ted 8boul ids it men7 i lord my wite it would be humiliate "mydaurexcusncrsr.f.saying. This seven duller than when you Start talking about the the following night my wife asked Why i was i never heard of playgirl being hounded by the clergy said my wife when they talk about sup pressing lewd periodicals it s always Playboy they talk about never enlightenment suffused my Skull and disappoint ment vanished. No wonder i said. Have you seen Flap re s list of the 10 sexiest men in America please she said. I am Reading about the orioles and can handle Only one childishness at a leaving her to the Birds i revealed in the embarrassing innocence of playgirl pm editors. No wonder famous televised preachers did t care whether or no people could buy playgirl at he 7-Eievcn store. Edi tors who thought these were the 10 sexiest men knew less about sex than the most innocent lot toddling into 7-eleven to buy a big gulp. What a parcel i m glad i was t included on playgirl s list of 10 wearing sunglasses in the House at night to watch a leave it to Beaver rerun. We might soon be getting invitations to Broadway first nights and openings of new discotheques i explained i wanted to get my eyes accustomed to the dark glasses necessary to conceal one s identity fro the hordes of autograph seekers and demented celeb Rily worshippers among whom therr would rely be Many sex starved females. Instead of vacationing in july 1 stayed Home bythe phone. Playgirl s selection process is a secret but i did nol want to be taking the mosquitoes at pert Amboy if playgirl should Call for an interview. After this sacrifice you can imagine my Chagrin when playgirl s list was finally published. Thai s right my name was missing. Fortunately. 1 did not think it so fortunately however in the first flush of disappointment. Pounding the table i Ned thank heaven the television Parsons have banned playgirl Magazine from 7-eleven stores. They gave it just whal it i mean. Sen. Bob Dole of Kansas Tor heaven s Sake Kansas is a wonderful state but nothing that s sexiest can be Kansan Kansas would t put up with it. Adore Bruce Willis Michael Fox Don Ameche. Actor Are men who Are terrified that a 5-year-old might get More attention than they do. That s sexy i la Omil the other five to spare them Embarrass ment but the real estate Man Donald Trump makes the list. And whal Are his qualifications millions and millions of dollars. Come on if wealth were the essence of sexiness in their sleep american women would Call out Exxon and ism my wife said Stop scouting the names of the Fortune Soo and Tell me who ear Weaver i told her he was sexier than any of the men on playgirl s list which was t much of an accolade when you considered what an uns Camy Bunch of bozos playgirl had chosen. I mean after All when there Are men around like Cary Grant Robert red Ford and but let me be modest and drop the subject. A victim of airline deregulation Byar Buchwald i did t know Why the airlines were in so much trouble until i talked to a Scal male while waiting to Lake off from la Guardia Airport. He told me he had formerly been incident of East chop airlines before it went bankrupt. We were a very successful Carrier he said and made a very Good living not Only serving the Large cities but the smaller ones As Well. We had an impeccable safety record and gave our passengers their Money Back if we were More than two minutes one could t ask for anything More i said As our plane moved up a notch to the 39th position on the runway. Then what happened the government decided to deregulate the carriers. After that it was every airline for itself. At first deregulation seemed like a Good idea because it is no secret that the Public benefits from Competition. Assoon As we were deregulated i Cut out All flights to the Mailer cities so i could use the planes to service the lucrative routes to California and thai was a smart business decision i said it seemed that Way until All the other airlines did the same thing. Tic airways. United Cream and the flying panthers not Only chose identical Rouimi but they also decided to leave at the tame Lime. Even so there might have been enough business for i a to make it except that an upstart company called pizza airlines announced that it would Fly anyone from new York to Honolulu for $9,95." we were Dow 31sl in line on the runway. The sex airline president continued As might be expected pizza filled up every plane even though it was losing s100 a what did you do to meet the Competition we Cut Back on maintenance when we were regulated we kept our planes in the hangers for seven Days for an overhaul. After deregulation we Only let the mechanics work on them for 115 that s enough i said. We might have gotten into the Black with the new maintenance schedules except one of our Laid off whistle blowers told the department of transportation we were cheating. So we were fined 110 that seems unfair 1 said. Since All you were trying to do was compete in a free Market to make matters More difficult Reagan fired the air controllers causing two and three hour delays on the runways. And thai burned up All our fuel before we could gel into the whal was your answer to All thai we undercut pizza Airles. 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