European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - October 2, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse Columns i 1 America has just let its sleeping dogs lie too Long by John Windrow stall columnist we live in an age of crises one damned disaster alter another. Acid rain the Federal deficit the Trade deficit the depletion of the Ozone layer the spread of music videos Highway potholes alcohol free Beer a. Shortage of whales the melting of the Polar Icecap you name it. Now we have ,1 new lamentation stupefied american hogs. Yes we might As Well face it american dogs Are bored out of their skulls. I know it s True because it moved on the wires. Consider this associated press dispatch from Birmingham Mich most american logs Are bored stiff should be taught new tricks to fill their lives with meaning says Trainer who specializes in helping problem pooches. Ninety live percent of the dogs in America Don t have enough purpose in life says Barbara Bocci owner of trainers obedience Center inc. All in the rings who live in America have Hail their work taken away she said. They no longer Herd. They Don t pull sleds. They re unemployed. They have nothing to do for 24 hours a lethargic canines eager to drive Fluffy herds of bleating sheep through the Green bucolic Countryside or to drag sleds filled with precious supplies through howling blizzards to stranded outposts Are lying around the suburbs with no stimulation except chasing cars. Maybe they should form Street gangs like bored american teen agers. I had a dog named Roosevelt when i was a kid. Roosevelt suffered from terminal boredom. I never realized it. I just thought he was shiftless Lazy not Worth the dynamite it d take to blow him to Smithereens. I feel bad about it now. Roosevelt was Star crossed misshapen born into a world that had no place for him. He was half Bird dog half Beagle. My old Man swapped four Flat tires for so percent of him one Day in a Beer joint because he thought Roosevelt had All the earmarks of a Champion Squirrel dog. My Uncle Leo owned the other half of Roosevelt through a prior transaction. Well anybody can make a mistake especially when he starts swapping things for half of a dog. We needed a Good Squirrel dog because once a year the family had a reunion on the Banks of the Hatchie River. My cousins from All Over the Countryside would get together to talk about their car wrecks failed crops to lie about How Well they were doing. We cooked Squirrel Stew in an Iron pot stirred it with a boat paddle. It was pretty much the social event of the year right behind the easter egg Hunt at the presbyterian Church. One Cousin escaped from the county work farm one year just so he would t miss it. We took him Back after supper the guards were pretty Nice about it. But i digress. Back to Roosevelt. He could t Hunt Worth a tool. He could t make up his mind whether to go after rabbits or Quail. He started out pointing rabbits. That did t work out cause the rabbits would just run away while we were looking for the Quail. Then he tried running after Quail Barking so the Quail came flying out Zig Zag in All directions before we knew what was up we never got off a shot. Besides we wanted squirrels. When my old Man tried to train him to tree squirrels things really got messed up. Roosevelt would tree Birds. Anything from a sleeping owl to a tufted Titmouse. He thought they were All fair game. The squirrels were somewhere with their feet up laughing. The old Man tried kicking him then Yelling at him gave up in disgust. He even tried to give our half of Roosevelt to Uncle Leo who begged off by saying he had too Many dogs 13 around the House his wife would t let him bring another one Home. So we were stuck. Roosevelt promptly became very bored with life. Roosevelt became so wearied with the Monotony of his purposeless existence that he just Lay under the air conditioner All summer in front of the fire All Winter. Food became his Only interest. I realize now i should have taught him some tricks. If i had been older i could have taught him to go to bars. Thai s what most people do when they re bored. I tried to teach him to watch to but he could t slay awake in of font of truth or consequences or Queen fora Day. I realize now he must have been More intelligent than the average person if that stuff bored him too. Sometimes he got interested in lady dogs disappeared for a few Days. The old Man would go Tell All the neighbors that Roosevelt was missing maybe he had rabies so if anyone wanted to shoot him it was just Fine. But Roosevelt always made it Home. There s no Way to mistake a sleeping dog for a mad dog Roosevelt often plopped Down for a snooze every few Hundred Yards when he was out pursuing Romance. Roosevelt would sleep in front of the bathroom door the old Man would trip Over him in the night. I d awake to the sound of kicks swearing Roosevelt howling. He d sleep under the car we d almost run Over him every time we went anywhere. He slept on the clean laundry. He got so bored he d bark at his fleas instead of scratching them my Mother would exile him to the Yard for weeks at a time. Then he slept in front of the front door we d trip Over him going out. He was sleeping in the front Yard once with his Mouth open a Toad leaped Down his Gullet. He turned purple we had to take him to the vet. Ii was the Only time i Ever saw the old Man smile about Roosevelt. Had to take the dog to the vet he d Tell his Hunting buddies. He had a Frog in his Roosevelt finally died when i was in College. I m afraid he was just bored to death. I feel guilty about it. Maybe i should have taught him to listen to baseball on the radio. For years my old Man mumbled about All the things he could have done with those four Flat tires. Solicitation via the phone often jangles a nerve by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners i have been a Telephone solicitor for nearly seven months. Please we Are human just like everyone else. We do not purposely set out to disturb people just As they Are sitting Down to dinner. It is purely accidental. I do not use hard sell tactics or attempt to Embarrass or inconvenience people. Although sometimes the solicitor May appear to be rude Over the Telephone it is More frequently the customer who is twice As rude shows his anger by slamming the receiver Down. Phone solicitation is a fact of life. Sending literature through the mail is undoubtedly an excellent idea but we Deal with so Many clients that we cannot possibly afford to Send information to everyone. Anyway one can Gat a Point across much More easily on the Telephone it saves quite a bit of Money. As Long As there Are things to be sold there will always be phone solicitors. Gentle Reader perhaps not. Perhaps eventually every single one of those potential customers will be driven to using machines answering services other protective devices to prevent unwanted Calls from breaking in on their lives As Many people have done already at some expense trouble to themselves. And then that will be that. Of dear. Now miss manners has Hurt your feelings again. You must try to separate yourself As a human being just like everyone else from your Job which judging from the rest of miss manners mail seems to annoy just about everyone else. Without condemning a Legal method of earning a living. Miss manners asks you to consider Why this is so How you can minimize the offensiveness of what you do. She will not insult you by pointing out that doing so would be Good business those people who slam the Telephone Down Are of no use to your employers. The fact that businesses May save Money sell More by unsolicited Telephone Calls is hardly an argument to soften the hearts of people who do not wish to receive such Calls. Everyone should have a right to control who enters his or her Home through the Telephone lines As Well As through the doors. This is not to say that there Are not potential customers who might Welcome you consider your service a convenience. But you should recognize that it is almost As rare to encounter such a person As it is to find that people who Are at Home minding their own business Are delighted to be distracted by you. Miss manners wishes to emphasize the fact that it is their Choice. You therefore do Well to solicit their attention rather than seem to demand it. By opening with an apology a Quick request for a hearing. You will at least minimize the intrusion by acknowledging that that is what it is. A proper refusal is no thank you i m not interested please remove my number from your files miss manners does not excuse rudeness. please remember that someone who barges into other people s Homes has no grounds to complain about the Quality of the Welcome. Dear miss manners my brother in Law is in a nursing Home with alzheimer s disease. He will never recover he knows nothing recognizes no one. My Niece is planning her wedding. Docs my sister put or. And mrs. Ohn Doe request the pleasure etc., on the invitations because he is still technically alive or does she put mrs. Lane Doe etc., because he really in t a father or husband any Moret most people with . Are older past the marriages of their children so perhaps not Many others have come up against this. Gentle Reader can we soften this question just a Little before miss manners brings herself to answer it a father is a father no matter How incapacitated. For that matter he will not cease to be your Niece s father even after he is dead. That does not mean that he is issuing invitations however. The hostess of this wedding seems to be mrs. John Doe not mrs. Jane Doe even widows retain the same form they used throughout the marriage your sister is not a widow although while he is alive she could continue to act socially in both their names if she prefers. October 2,1986 Tripet Iru fur a
