European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 15, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Coo pm .sj.0 s 0 o Coo c o by Andrew l. Yarrow new York times y husband was t communicating with me in any Way. Mentally or physically and when i old him he said you d belief leave " recalled Louisa Logan a hairstylist in suburban Washington who was divorced at the age of 27. I was shocked. I thought if somebody cared about you they d do something. You realize there Are More ingredients in a marriage than thinking you re in  Anne Benefield a newspaper executive in san Antonio who also divorced in her mid-205, said ii was a real mistake to marry so Young. I did t really understand we had very different values and backgrounds my of husband was not supportive. He did t work and could t  for Richard Bosch a Washington photographer and to Eletson producer who divorced at 23. The reasons were simple we Wero Bolh very Young and to had no idea what marriage  All three people represent a demographic trend that has Pio Lound emotional and financial effects on millions of Young americans according to social Scien Lysis and family therapists. Contrary to the widespread perception of divorce As a mid life phenomenon More manages dissolve before Tho age of 30 than at any other time the divorce Rale Lor Young couples is More than double the National average. While the marriage rate for never before wed women has declined precipitously since 1970 and women s median age at their first marriage is now higher than Ever. The incidence of divorce among people in their 20s also reached record highs in the Early 1980s, with nearly 40 percent of All divorces occurring among couples under 30. The 203 Are the most Likely time in terms of Rales to be getting  said Barbara Foley Wilson a demographer with the National Center Lor health statistics. The Center estimated that in 1934,841,000 people Between the Ages of 20 end 29 were divorced a 38 percent increase since 1970. Changing marital Roofei the passage of no fault divorce Laws and the greater social acceptability of divorce along Wilh what therapists describe As unrealistic ideas about marriage poor communication skills and greater narcissism among Young adults have contributed to the increase in Early marital breakups. And along with the emotional scars divorce at an Early age can have economic effects so devastating especially for Young mothers that an entire new impoverished subclass has emerged. Many experts also say that divorce in the 20s is quite different irom that among older couples whereas people who divorce later in me Are often the victims of a spouse s midlife crisis according to Paul a Click a sociologist at Arizona stale University those most prone to divorce marry in their teens and Early 20s." they tend to have less education and lower incomes he added and Many also marry because of premarital  changes in social values sex roles and behaviour brought about by feminism and the sexual revolution have also Luo cd Iho Young divorce Boom. The rules Are All up in the air said Lori he Man Gordon Dirc Clor of the family relations Institute in Falls Church a. New roles and women s expectations of Equality have led to Grealer confusion and resentment that partners Are being taken advantage of the relatively recent cultural dictates that women should work and men should be More emotionally supportive and share in household and child Cere tasks have taken a substantial toll on Many Young marriages. Sex has become another Arena Tot conflict. The emphasis on fantastic sex where Bells ring is so unreal and plays a big Par in marital troubles said Norma Cohen a clinical social worker with the family service association of Nassau county in Hempstead. . In the past sex could carry people Over difficult periods now it s old hat and it just does t sustain the  Richard Bosch believes thai the confusion of sex and intimacy was a major reason his first marriage ended. The idea of spending time together in intimate situations is foreign loan awful lot of people he Zajd. Instead of talking we All watch Hob. Our culture is so permeated with the notion thai sex is the answer to loneliness that sex has replaced real  for Many Young couples however their youth itself is the principal stumbling Block to successful marriage Many men and women who divorced in their 20s say they had intensely romanticized ideas about marriage. Family therapists Hesi Lale to use the word immature bul Many suggest that people in their Earty 20s do not have Well developed identities and often Lack the skills that could help them resolve problems. In general Young couples Are emotionally nol Al the stage to be Able to understand themselves said Gordon. They re often unable to talk about conflicts nondestructive without either withdrawing or lashing  As the stigma of divorce has diminished people arc no longer sitting out bad marriages said Ginnie Nuta of parents without partners in Silver Spring. My. No fault divorce Laws have facilitated the process. Although divorce almost invariably leaves painful residues of depression lowered self esteem and insecurity the plight of those who divorce in their 20s is Bolh better and worse than that o those divorced later in life. Young divorced people especially women feel less dependent on their former spouses according to Constance r. Ahrons. Associate director of the marriage and family therapy program at the University of Southern California and a co author of divorced families. The Downside however is thai people Are afraid to take risks again Al an Early  she said. Anne Benefield found being single again very difficult. It took me years to get Over my divorce she said. Although i Felt confident professionally socially and spiritually i Felt a horrible failure like i d completely blown the most important Refal Enship in my  Lika Many divorced people in their 20s, she turned to her parents and friends Lor support but she also needed privacy to heal she said. At least those divorced in their 20s do have a second Chance Early. Ii s easier Lor them to act like singles again said Nula and the chances of meeting an eligible person Are much  whereas divorced men Are More Likely than divorced women to remarry according to the census Bureau 76.3 percent of women who divorce before 30 events Fry remarry compared with 56,2 percent who divorce in their 30s and Only 32.4 percent whose marriages end in their 40s. Bul if the emotional prospects Are relatively Good for Young divorced people the economic picture is much bleaker especially for Young divorced mothers. Indeed women Are the big losers financially in most divorces according to Lenore j. Weinman an associate professor of sociology Al Harvard University and the author of the divorce revolution. She found that on average women suffer a Sharp decline in living standards after divorce while men s Standard of living actually improves significantly. Since the Burden of child support Falls overwhelmingly on divorced mothers and 85 percent of divorced women Are nol awarded Alimony Many Young women with children Are being pushed Inlo welfare of dead end jobs she said. Am Hough marital breakups will continue to loom Large in the feves of Young americans the census Bureau reports that divorce Rales have finally stabilized in lha last few years nonetheless As so Many people in their 20s Aryl either dissolving or postponing marriage a vast population of unmarried Young adults has emerged to transform the country s demographic landscape. Page 18 the stars and stripes