European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - September 22, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Single parenting it s not so easy overseas stories by Mary Neth consumer editor s going it Solo As a Parent particular a Lough Loi americans overseas there is Nodo Ubl about in says Richard Stagliano. Chief of social work service at the Frankf Uil army regional medical censer. There arc a lot of things one can lie Mlo Back Home thai Aren t available Here or Are of a limited nature or require a tremendous amount of Energy to seek and find he says for example he Points out that there arc patents Wilhour partners groups in some american communities in Europe bul not everywhere. Some communities have big brother and Latch key programs others do not. The big Biol her program matches youngsters with an older brother sister who plans joint activities. The Latch key program provides youngsters of working parents with Oder school care single parents in a permanent Community in the United states generally have members of the family to offer supped. Stagliano Points out. Support can come from outside the family to says. But he notes in transient communities finding support can be very difficult and loneliness and a feeling of isolation can result to you live missus Ihn american Community it can to garlic laity difficult he auls. A language Barric May exist thai can make Contact Vith neighbors almost impossible. I Don t want to pain a gloom a doom picture because we have people making it every Day says Stagliano finding needed programs depends not Only on the area bul on the personality of the individual1." some people Lake a More positive oui look and Are belter organized he says noting that working single parents must have Good contingency programs to cover All  they need for example a second place to take their offspring if the usual baby Siller is unavailable or if the child is ill and cannot attend kindergarten or school. If they have not done any planning they can easily wind up in a very serious situation says Stagliano. Continual absences irom work can place a Job or military career in jeopardy. Tjien there Are extra military duties guard duty Etc. That Don t Fil in with regular school and child care hours. Army Community services or the air Force family support Center offices and local chapels Are Good resources Lor single parents. These offices can provide information on what child care and baby silting services Are available As Well As Olfier special programs. A Frani Tafurt. Or example. She Community Chapel has a family life ministries censer which offers classes in Solo Parent issues included Are discussions about disciplinary problems and How a single Parent can Deal with Thorn and advice on the importance of developing personal relationships outside the family and ways to do so. Fifteen years ago family problems were hardly recognized by the military says Stagliano. Today very comprehensive support programs Are  Stagliano has been in charge of social work services for the 97 h general Hospital and 14 outlying clinics since april. Tha regional medical Center which involves both inpatient and outpatient care otters family and single Parent counselling As wet As Cara Tor victims of rape and child abuse and a Telephone hot line people can use to anonymously talk about personal crises. Stagliano says the problems single parents face Are very complicated. I guess we could do an interesting study he says on Why some people make it and some people Don t. I saw sole parents in Alaska our last Frontier successfully rearing kids in log Cabins with no plumbing you look at Sompol the people who went across out West and you Are talking about Hardy what i want to say to you is these kind of people who can make in under the most difficult of circumstances arc still  Unitta Lucas an Damoff ir4-y�tr-od daughter. T7w am unit a time of struggle Hen Amber was tiny her Young single Mother was under a great Deal of stress and financial worry. To make ends meal she was supplementing her Lull time Job As an intensive care nurse at Waller Reed Hospital in Washington ., with part time work through a nursing Agency. Sometimes says staff sol. Linda Lucas i Ell i needed a break badly. Amber now a years old was Only a year and a half then and had to be watched All the Lime. Occasionally i wanted to scream out to someone take her for a couple of hours " those moments always passed. Lucas 29 years old and a licensed professional Nursa at 97th general Hospital in Frankfurt says thai As rough As it was just after she separated from Amber s lather she did t want to Burden anybody. I Felt my child was my  it was a Lime of struggle. Alt my Money was going to pay rent and utilities. I was t getting financial Aid irom my husband. Then when i started holding Down a second Job i had extra Money but i did t have any time. That was the Choice either to Woik that extra Job and have that extra Money or continue to  dating i waited for a while says Lucas explaining the heavy working schedule and caring Lor Amber Ware about All Sho could handle. The person i did see occasionally complained i was always  then things finally began to fall into place. I was promoted irom an e-5 loan �-6 and it was discovered that i had t been receiving my full salary. I was Given air thai Back  at about the same time she says her husband got on his feet and started coming through too. As her financial situation improved so did her social life she says she always kept in perspective that i had my daughter there and used  kids Are prejudiced she adds. If it is not their daddy she explains they Don t understand Why the person should be around. "1 decided Long ago though that whether she was fussy or not i had to live my own life and that if she did t like the person i chose we d just have to work it out. When i did meet someone. The first thing i did was to Tell them about my daughter and my situation and then introduce her. Amber and i come As a  fortunately Amber is adaptable she says. At first there was a he in t my daddy hurdle to Cross but then she accepted the fact that her Mothe had the right to have a special Friend. I Don t like to Date one person and then another. If t find someone i like i like to remain with that person says Lucas As often As possible Amber was included when her Mother went Oul taken along to movies or out to dinner. Lucas was sure she would never remarry. Right now though after 2vi years of separation irom her husband. She is paying Lor a stateside divorce with ust that in mind. My parents Are taking care of it for me it will Cost $600 i Fust sent a Check Olf Lor $300 this All could be behind to she says bul a bad experience leaves a bad Leeling. Then i met someone who made me change my  she and her finance Charles also in the military but stationed in the United Stales Are aware that establishing a new family will have its challenges. We have talked and talked about the problems we might have How Amber May iry to play one of us against the other and that Type of thing we have discussed How we will handle disciplinary problems. We have gone Over just tots of  when Luca wat certain of her relationship with Charles she again had a Long talk with her daughter. I told her this was a person that i loved that i really cared  kids Are very impressionable she says. She had seen me with one person for almost a year. I had irl ends who stopped by. But no one before had Ever stayed overnight. I fold her this was different because i wanted to marry this . She wanted to know what about her dad we had to go Over All of that  Amber says Lucas now has accepted Charles As a lather figure and someone who cares for her. When he a up Koto by Stow Monitor telephones he always asks to Lalk to her and tells her that he loves  next year he will join them in Europe. It will be easier for him o come Here she explains noting thai this is her first overseas tour and that she is locked in for three years when he comes she says they a Fol apply for joint  right now she and Amber Are in temporary housing in Frankfurt and life is Down to an established routine. Lucas says she does not find life More difficult than it was in the United states. She misses having a car and would like to do More travelling but is not lonely. She has t Felt the need to search or an organization like parents without partners. I m sure it is a Good organization but i have been a 9ing e Parent on my own for so Long that i am used to  she believes that she has already been through the hard part the tight financial period in  When Amber was tiny. Then i could have used something be that but i have gotten Over that  she has made friends since she arrived. Her Best Friend la also a nurse and a single Parent. Baby sitting fees an to Here she finds. I was paying $2.3 an hour Beck in the Stales and had to pay extra when i worked weekends. Here i pay s1.80 and Don t really have to pay extra if i go out which i hardly Ever  Lucas uses a baby Sitter she found through the army Community services acs who set her own rates. In the last months. Amber s Ralf cer has not been in Contact. He has t written to ask How she is or anything and she does t Lalk about him like she used  on father s Day though Lucas sent him a can from Amber and a picture. Sure she explains i want her to adjust Well to my husband but i Don t want her to forget her lather  , Page 16 the stars and stripes tuesday september 22,1987