European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - November 4, 1987, Darmstadt, Hesse Paga 18 columns the stars and stripes wednesday november 4,1987 today s crossword antique Junkie looking for a cure ii and Rooney there arc More antique dealers than plumbers an the Supply of dealers far exceeds the dwindling num Ber of Antiques left for Ihm to sell. Normal Laws of Supply and demand Are nol working and whole families Are being Cstro cd by antique Holics who can pass an antique Sien without stopping to squander their a Check i. Meanwhile at Home there is nothing left in the refrigerator for the wife and kiddies local. The antique Hus inf is should be Nul under the scrutiny of a Federal Agency. As things stand now. Antique dealers arc out Nee Nirol we have a department Fafri culture hut there arc More people in the antique business than there arc Farmers. We have a depart ment of labor hut there arc More antique dealers in inc average Small town than there Are people doing anything you could Call hard work. While i m nol normally in favor of More government control i concede that there arc areas of Commerce that need to be watched. Who among us would say the Slock Exchange does t need watching by the securities and Eschan Jle commission there Are striking similarities Between the people who sell stocks and the people who sell Antiques. They All have to be watched. A broker for exam Pic is Apt to have his Best stocks in h is own portfolio and an antique dealer often keeps his real treasures in his own living room antique dealers need a watchdog for their own Good and for ours. I have screeched to a halt As Many As 5.000 times in my life As i be caught a sidelong glance of a sign that reads Antiques. I be backed up in the face or Tail of. Oncoming traffic and pulled into a driveway with High expectations of finding a Tiffany lamp for j75 or a Philadelphia Highboy for$350, Only to be confronted Wilh the tattered remains of a few family possessions that . Penney would t have Given shelf space 25 years ago. What have been advertised a Antiques do nol comprise the elements of a Good garage Sale. Al least 25 percent of the Lime the sign advertising Antiques by the Side of inc Road was put there by the former Ownen of inc House and never taken downy the new occupants who Are not in the antique business. When it comes to stopping at antique shops i am Aone Man study in How Little negative experiences Dampen the human spirit when it wants to believe what has been proven Lime and again to be untrue. My stale government has made it mandatory forme to protect myself from injury in an automobile Accident by wearing a scat Bell of the government ingoing to get into that business which in the Case of Seal Bells is a Good idea u ought to give me som help restraining myself with Antiques. The City government of new York has methadone pro Grams designed to help drug its trs end their addict Ion bul it offers nothing com parable for antique addicts. At every Border there arc guards and customs agent searching our cars our Luggage and our person for con trolled substances which Fey confiscate and bum. Box cars loaded Wilh Antiques from England France and even Giina Are brought into this country daily and get Littlemore than a wave from our Border defenders. The Federal government compels tobacco Compa Nies to Label Cadi pack of cigarettes a danger to the smoker s health. Why Don t Antiques carry a Compa Rable Label winning Antiques May be addictive and hazardous to your financial health. A Tybura med Sef Vicki first you got to get his attention the president recently held his Dusl press Confer ence in eight months. Now he has returned to his usual Way of communicating with inc Media which is yell ing. This is How the president deals with the Media the president Steps out of his helicopter onto the while House Lawn. A reporter shouts Over the Din of the copter or president. Are we at War with Iran the president cups his hand behind his ear handshakes his head. When the question is repeated he yells Back. No i m not sorry i nominated judge Bokk or. President do you think there Isgo info to be a Stock Market crash Simi Lar to that of 1929?" the president creases his forehead and then Points his Finger at the questioner if it will help our contras in Central America then say a crash program is something i would support or. President. What about new taxes we re going to bring that up when Gorbachev comes to the unite states. If he wants a missile treaty with us. He better Stop fixing up our marines with russian girls in the mos cow embassy All the newspaper people Are writing furiously be cause these freewheeling quest ions and answers could mean a new turn in while House policy. The president makes it to the while House door and his aides who have been biting their nails sigh Wilh Relief and congratulate the president on the pres conference. You really socked it to 1hcm, or. President his press Secretary tells him. They Haven t Laid a Finger on me since we Pul those extra propellers in the president mutters. La old Angl time Ramaut us fun stack mis the so a. 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