European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - February 18, 1989, Darmstadt, Hesse Saturday february 18, 1989 the stars and stripes Page 23 commentary Morganna and other big sports busts by Scott Ostler los Angeles times my 4-year-old son in t into Spectator sports unless they involve monster trucks flying through the air crushing rows of helpless cars. So he has t formed any Strong team allegiances or developed any sports hero worshipping tendencies. The Day is coming though when hell be Pepper ing me with those cute questions such As Why do horses snort cocaine daddy hell want to know the meaning of sports terms such As steroids rape mail fraud and a he is missing a hell of a year so far. We re not even two months into 1989 and the old sports police blotter is so with reverse role models. It s hard to keep up with it All so As a Public service or As a late Valentine s present i hereby offer a 1989 sports crime digest and top 10 list. My research staff had the Day off so i apologize if i missed any deserving alleged felons or mis demean rites. In reverse order of heinous Ness of allegations 10. Slam Dunk of the year. The staff of the Seattle supersonics gets Dale Ellis a starting berth in the All Star game by mass ballot Box stuffing. Kids can you say electoral process another lesson Here for the kiddies is that it s of to do anything because repeat after me every body else is doing 9. Tale o the tape. A University of Missouri assistant coach is Fin gered for an alleged recruiting violation when a re Cruit s Mother produces a tape recording of the coach offering to buy the recruit an airline ticket. This in t exactly original sin but it s a unique new Way to get busted. Times Are Tough for cheating recruiters. 8. Kissing Bandit. It s no crime for Morganna to lumber across a court or Field and kiss a ballplayer but gee can t we make it a crime Misdemeanour bad taste i Don t want to trivialize this crime list by including a publicity crazed woman but will someone please Check to see if there is a mandatory retirement age for these kind of people maybe i should shut up and be thankful she has t hired on to pose for the annual sports illustrated sex of Rama Issue. 7. Stanley Wilson goes awol. The Cincinnati bengals running Back had a Choice play in the super bowl or get super High. Tough Choice. Stanley took the pipe. Could it be that the bengals weren t As diligent As they should be been in watching Over this obviously troubled Young Man hey it s like they say winning in t everything but losing is. 6. An entry Tony Dorsett and Jose Canseco. Maybe it s not fair to Lump these two together but who said this column was fair and Why Lump them Morganna puts a move on Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Apart Dorsett got 90 Days in jail sentence suspended along with a Fine and Public service for driving drunk. Canseco was tagged by a cop for driving his new jag in excess of 120 Mph. Must have been racing a spa commuter Jet or Ben Johnson. 5. Up the River without a paddle. Dana Kirk former Memphis state basketball coach is sentenced to one year in prison and a $20,000 Fine for income tax evasion and obstruction of Justice trying to intimidate a grand jury witness. Dana blames it All on his wife and her Well mean ing but badly bungled bookkeeping. Hey she s probably a great Cook. The Good news Dana won t have to file a 1040form for 1989. 4. Whom do you Trust in an upcoming Book Jim Valvano North Carolina state basketball coach is accused of Gross abuse of National collegiate athletic association rules Gener Al ethics and Power. Valvano pleads innocent and is until prove otherwise. Well friends somebody is lying the coach or the author and when we find out who somebody is going to be in Doop Dee Dee or deep Doo Doo. 3. Super snorts. Post race testing turns up traces of cocaine in horses trained by Wayne Lukas and Laz Barrera among others. Because most of these thoroughbreds Don t hang out on the streets you have to assume someone slipped a Little Surprise into the old fee bag. This gives new meaning to common phrases such As that Ain t Hay winning by a nose and get off you High and it goes to show what can happen if you run with a fast crowd. 2. Who Oolooah Oklahoma some people say the Oklahoma football program is basically honest but i say it s not fair to Label an entire program based on the actions of a few Good apples. In recent months sooner players have been accused of shooting guns at one another of rape of Selling cocaine to an undercover agent of assault and of vandalism. At least 15 players have allegedly been involved in these Low Jinks. You be heard of the Crimson tide. Meet the red and White crime wave. The Good news not a single Oklahoma player has been accused of espionage against the government roof breaking curfew. The Man i feel sorry for is the Oklahoma stadium Public address announcer next season. Ball carried by no. 42 tackle by no 4739692387324." 1. Pumping Iron and More. A former assistant coach of the Canadian olympic weightlifting team admits to giving his clean urine to lifters. The weightlifters then allegedly injected the clean urine into their own bladders by Means of a Catheter in an attempt to beat a pre olympics drug test because they had been doing steroids. The failed the test anyway. Comment ouch. This item tops or Bottoms my crime list because score heavily for originality. I be heard of cramming for a test but this is Ridic Ulous. The year is Young. As i write this i hear news of a big league baseball Pitcher busted in a prostitution sweep and a former College football player who gets six years in the slam on cocaine charges. It s coming off the sports wire faster than. I can shovel it. At the end of the year the final top 10 will be dishonoured at a lavish awards banquet held at Jovan the suburban Michigan tavern where Leon Spinks tends bar and Denny Mclain plays the Organ. I Hope my son watches cartoons until he s 50. Switzer More embarrassed than anyone Norman okla. A who better than Barry Switzer to restore dignity to Oklahoma s football program that s the opinion of Switzer coach of a team bogged Down with troubles that started with an Mcaa probation and ended for now with the arrest of quarterback Charles Thompson. While Switzer admits he is More embarrassed than anyone about the three year probation which preceded felony charges against five players for a shoot my an alleged gang rape and Thomp son s arrest monday night on a coir it of Selling cocaine to undercover he agents state newspapers Are Call ing Tor him to resign. But Switzer who has the winning est percentage of Active coaches remain undaunted. He told the associated press wednes a night that he has no intention of stepping Down and was committed to restoring the image of a Good football program. If we work at it 24 hours a Day Well do it he said. The latest newspaper to join the ranks against Switzer is the daily oklahoman which also called for his resignation in 1982 when problems surfaced concern ing the football program and Switzer s financial dealings. Other newspapers have recently called for Switzer s ouster. We did t bother this time the editorial said in thursday s editions. We called for that More than six years ago before the foot Ball program s troubles turned to Proba Tion shooting alleged rape and suspected drug on wednesday the Tulsa world and the University s student newspaper the Oklahoma daily also suggested that Switzer resign. The Tulsa Tribune called for him to step Down after Mcaa sanctions were announced in december. Meanwhile Thompson was released in the custody of his Mother wednesday while he awaits trial on a charge of sell ing 17 Grams of cocaine Jan. 26. Thomp son s arrest came one week after he told a group of elementary students in nor Man okla., to avoid drugs. Regardless of what anyone tells you about drugs regardless of what anyone has told you it s the quickest Way to end your life. The quickest Way to be in jail Thompson told the student Assembly. No trial Date has been set for Thomp son. Oklahoma Trainer Dan Pickett said Thompson was tested for drugs 16 times since August. He said each of the tests including one last week were negative. Oklahoma s football program which has produced six National champions has traditionally been a source of Pride for the University and the state. The Atti tude was summed up by a former okla homa president who said he wanted to build a University the football team could be proud on and near Campus wednesday bar Ber shops cafes and libraries were Buz zing with speculation on How the recent woes have tarnished the program. Students said they were embarrassed while one faculty member said the recent events were both wondered when the troubles would end. A lot of people were shocked Kim Baker 19, said of Thompson s arrest. Some of my friends knew him. One girl started to cry when she heard the news because she thought he was such a Nice Guy. It s All so it s so staggering said David mor Gan head of the University s Bureau of government research. I hate to use cliches but you just keep waiting for what could possibly come next. I be heard it might not be Over Norman police chief David Boyett said Thompson s arrest May have hampered an ongoing drug investigation. Boyett said police did not have firm evidence that information was leaked to Switzer who suspended Thompson hours before he was arrested but there s a lot of
