European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 29, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Back Home life a different Way up North in Minnesota John Windrow greetings cafes land from the land of 10,000 lakes and one Barbecue joint. When 1 arrived Here 1 had no real appreciation for where i was. Like most americans i have an appalling ignorance of geography. Had the plane not happened by Providence to land in Minneapolis As advertised there is no Way 1 would have located the place on my own. I did no to realize there was anything North of Chicago but wolves. I find myself nuzzled up against Canada in Minnesota my new Home. Minnesota is a deep Green with splendid Clear lakes running in every direction under the Sun like Blue ribbons. Whenever one starts to mock some aspect of the Gopher state the natives turn their gaze on the horizon and say a the lakes Haven to you seen the lakes a in Minneapolis you can get off a City bus walk a few blocks rent a Canoe and be launched onto Miles of lakes surrounded by Green Trees. The water is alive with Mallard ducks Canada geese gulls and cranes. On summer nights the Moon hangs Over the water like a broken heart and the Only sound is the Birds and the lapping of the water. People swim by Sandy beaches and catch muskies inside the City limits. In the Winter when the lakes freeze solid if you re Lucky you can see a red Fox standing out on the ice like a drop of blood. I did no to know there was anything like it in Urban America which makes me suspect that in a not in America Way up Here where the Mississippi is Small and Blue so unlike the big Muddy Friend of my childhood. Minnesota simply does no to seem very american. For one thing there is the matter of one Barbecue joint in the whole state. Of there Are places that sell Barbecue but so far i have Only found one acceptably shabby Dingy joint that Sells ribs and Beer and its hot sauce is a joke. I bring my own. Exceptional Barbecue joints look As if a passing truck could rattle them to the ground. In outstanding Barbecue joints a cop always stops by keeping one hand near the butt of his pistol while he wipes the grease from his Chin. Minnesota is too scandinavian for places like that not american enough. In Memphis or Kansas City i could find such places facing each other across the littered streets. Another thing is that Minnesota Calls itself a the brainpower  this strikes me As flamboyantly in american. Americans always brag about How dumb they Are. Lsuis unofficial motto for example is a go in dumb come out dumb  in Texas people say they graduated from High school a Lawdy How  the one american i recall who constantly promotes himself As being Brilliant is Henry Kissinger and Henry is european. Actually i think minnesotans became weary of their other nickname a the Gopher  i hardly blame them. The image it projects lacks vitality. When the unfortunate Minnesota football team played Nebraska this year theirs was one of the few nicknames that could make Cor huskers seem dashing romantic heroic fearsome. Think about it. A there come the mighty gophers swarming onto the Field a Yuk. The game was a terribly unhappy one. The next week the Cor huskers devoured the Oregon state beavers As they continued their Small rodent tour of the Northern United states. The past Winter was a mild one. The natives All say they welcomed the Lack of bitter wrenching cold but you could Tell they Felt cheated. The St. Paul Winter carnival usually is resplendent with ice sculptures ice skating dog sledding and weather so cold it stiffens the hairs inside the nostrils. Great plans were trumpeted about building the worlds tallest snowman. But the ice sculptures quickly melted wrinkling like galloping old age and the giant snowman made from trucked in Snow was a disappointment. Resentment ran High. Its As if a Man had been forced to sit on a Block of ice for years and then expressed a longing for it when it was taken away. Still the ice fishermen Here showed the unquenchable optimism of fishermen everywhere and insisted on trying to drive their trucks out onto the Sog Gily Frozen lakes to fish. Several have smashed through and drowned. Its a different America up Here. John Windrow was a stars and stripes editor and wrote a column Tor several years. He escaped in 1987 and was run to Earth in Minnesota where he works for the Minneapolis  Center piece the hamburger after a Tough Start is dripping with glory. Lisa Rivardo a cover illustration and . Kominicki s stories on pages 6 and 7 Tell it All. Synod ont fossils help answer an age old mystery. Page 10. Back Home 2 life a different Way up North in Minnesota stateside views 3 Light look at what s almost news observations .4 changes in the old Hometown what do you think about burgers Home front.5 take your cd player along for the ride computers in simple language books8-9 . James Queen of detective writers William Safire on wordplay science and the world 10 prehistoric scraps from Virginia at a glance Austria Odds amp ends11 televised fishing does 7 seem reel genealogy it trivia and Horoscope last laugh .12 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world what . James thinks of her growing popularity. Page 8. Sunday editor j is a weekly John Taylor 1 supplement designer of the stars Lisa Rivard and stripes. Makeup editor Anita May Page 2 sunday april 29,1990