European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 20, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh Snail snuffing caught the Eye of gop chiefs Dave Barry knit Jet rid let newspapers recently i got a Long letter from Bob Hole. Bob. Of course is a leading Senate Republican who not Only Heads the very Flat Corn infested states caucus but also periodically runs for president although he never succeeds because lies suspected of having a Nasty Streak lie la be doing real Well in the polls but then hell commit some subtly revealing Gaffe such As illustrating his views on the Trade deficit by pulling the legs off a live Rabbit and poof there goes the Campaign. But his letter is quite Nice Quot dear or.  it says a on behalf of my colleagues in the United Stales Senate it is my pro Liege to invite you to accept membership in the Republican senatorial inner Circle and join president and mrs. Bush fora special dinner. We re going to get naked and dance the lambada m a vat of  i m just Kul ditto about that last sentence of course. The republicans would use Jill of. But i m not kidding about sen Dole s letter which really did invite me to join the Republican senatorial inner Circle. A sen Connie Mack placed your name in nomination a explains the letter. Connie Mack is a Republican senator from my state Florida who despite being Only a freshman has already earned a tremendous amount of respect for the Overall Quality of his hair. According to sen. Dole s letter. Sen. Mack nominated me a because he believes your accomplishments and commitment to our nation prove you worthy of membership in this prestigious organization when 1 read this i had to ask myself if maybe sen. Mack has attended one too Many hearings of the subcommittee on drugs it you get my Drift because frankly 1 can to think of a single accomplishment of mine that would qualify me for a prestigious organization like the Republican senatorial inner Circle except maybe the Way i handled the recent Snail emergency at our House. I used to think that snails were harmless Little biological units with no natural predators except the French who quietly went about the vital ecological task of making slime 1 am referring Here to the French. But then we moved the joke is on you know any Good jokes we re looking for the Best for publication in the sunday Magazine. They must be in Good taste not too Long and hopefully funny enough to make other readers laugh. If you have some that you think will pass the chuckle test we want to hear them. Please Send them to jokes on you sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 be sure to include a Telephone number where you can be reached during the Day. We re ready to laugh. Into our current House which turned out to be the site of a perpetual Snail Mardi gras. 1 would estimate that we had 5,000 head of Snail on the Patio alone waving their feelers at each other in a suggestive manner and crawling off into the shrubbery to engage in sex yes. Here is a direct quotation from the Snail Section of the encyclopaedia Britannica Quot fertilization. In most forms is internal and there is usually a male  Organ i can vouch for this. At night we could hear them out there clacking their Little camper tops together and moaning a ooh Bart its so so.  As homeowners and parents we could not allow this to continue so my wife got some anti Snail pellets at the hardware store and 1 spread them around and the snails went away. They left behind a terrible mess of tiny Beer cans condoms etc., but at least we got rid of them and apparently sen Connie Mack got wind of this and realized that i was the kind of Materia they re looking for in the Republican senatorial inner Circle. According to the material that Bob Dole sent me All i have to do is pay a $ 1,000 annual membership fee plus the $285 conference fee. And i get to attend not Only the big dinner dance with the Bushes but also Quot a full Day of closed door briefings by key Washington officials the reason they close the door of course is to guard against the danger that Ordinary citizens who have not paid their inner Cir Etc membership fees might find out what the government is up to which could Lead to anarchy. Anyway in be been seriously thinking about bobs invitation because when key republicans get together for a dinner dance you re talking Funky time i was kind of hoping that id also get an invitation from the democrats but unfortunately at the moment there arc no key democrats so i done to know what they d do for their closed door briefings. Show the Rob Lowe videotapes i guess. Speaking of Introit tent. Wit Page 12 c sunday May 20 1990 copyright �t990. Cartoonists amp writers syr