European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 7, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse 1 a a a r non Merit from rain a. Go fervently with each iced a King Quot my an Dertnig Low they it Haj we iry single floor and Iton said 6y returned Stan tons d their d to will i in a Foster i have eel terribly Ody knows id the Lere was no int Hole in 1. Time Lis. We still in s Early a childhood memories is the Day she said goodbye to her Mother and embarked on a new Fife in a new House with new parents. Quot its one thing to be Pul up for adoption when you re Day old a she said Quot at 3 years old you think my god what did i do what kind of horrible child was i a pressers childhood years were turbulent with some Joyful moments mostly in school and Many More unhappy ones a at Home. She says she never made Many friends never went to the movies never Felt like she belonged. When her adoptive parents gave parties she says she often was asked to make a Little speech Quot in a specially adopted. Of All the people my parents could have chosen they chose me in a very Lucky. A. 1quot in some ways Quot she now says Quot All of us recognized i really Wasny to their Presser says she was punished harshly ran away several times As an adolescent was kicked out and was committed to a psychiatric unit. Finally when she was about 15 years old she legally severed ties with her adoptive parents. A a. A / Quot i really thought they were horrible people a the Chicago lawyer and free dance writer said. Quot i still feel that. I feel like they bit off More than they could Chew Quot As an adult Presser 29, tracked Down her biological parents who divorced shortly after giving her up for adoption. She s now happily married with two stepchildren and a 2-year-old son but there Are scars. Quot i Felt enormously like i had done something terribly wrong Quot she said. Quot this is a feeling i still have years later. Everybody else sitting in this world has parents who just adore them and fight like Mother tigers when anything threatens them. I failed at being a kid. I look at the adoration i have for my a son now Quot she said Quot i Don t think that anybody loo6d_at me with so much love As i look at my son with. When he watches sesame Street i watch it. When he walks in a puddle i walk in it. I feel like i live my childhood through Alice Susan Tom still keeps a heart shaped Box she received Many years ago As a Mother s Day gift. It s a bittersweet. Reminder of one of the Saddest experiences in her life. The Box was Given to her by a Little girl she d hoped would be her daughter a dream that never came True. The Toms decided not to make permanent the adoption and the 9-year-old left the Toms Home in Fairfield calif., after almost a year with them. Quot it was the worst Day a is. Torn said of their separation. Quot i had to Tell her and i took her Back the next Day. Although she cried and i cried. She never said til change she had Given a i went into a very bad depression Quot she recalled. The girl moved into the Toms Home in 1982 after four years in Foster care and five More with a family who did t want to finalize the she came directly from their Home into my Home Quot said is. Tom now. Divorced. Quot there was no in Between. We had a child who needed to Grieve for the loss. That s exactly what it is it s like a very bad divorce. A a. Quot the tension built. The stress built Quot is. Tom said noting the family moved to Fairfield with Alice her name for the girl. Quot she stopped doing some of her schoolwork she was so unhappy i did t know what to do. Quot now i would probably ride it out a said is Tom a 42-year-old single Mother of six. Al was fairly naive at the time and did not have the support system that i now have. I have Learned there Are probably things i should have done. There Are people i could have is. Tom has four adopted children with special needs and with an organization called Aid to adoption of special kids runs a group for single women who want to take similar Steps. Several years after Alice left is. Tom met her and they reminisced. Quot i care very much about her Quot she said. Quot i think if she needs me she can Call at any time Quot Robert Bonnie Hudson Mother of 13, is an Optimist who does t like to give up on any child. But when it came to her adopted son Robert it was give up a or destroy her family. The Hudson already had adopted four special needs children when they welcomed a boy from India. He had serious physical handicaps they did no to know about. His tormented past was a Surprise too. Robert they Learned was in jail in India before the orphanage. He was a Clever pickpocket and had been sexually abused at knife Point As a child. So when Robert began stealing and lying months after his arrival mrs. Hudson who was adopted As a child told him Quot we want you to know its never too late for any human being to change As Long As there is life and eighteen months later came a shocking discovery. Robert who was probably 12 years old not 9 As they d been told had been sexually abusing three of their daughters a two of them infants one a mentally slow grader. Quot i wanted to kill him. It s beyond anger. It s rage a said mrs. Hudson who asked that her and her adopted son s real names not be used. Quot there was no history to let us know this Little Guy could not be trusted in a household with a younger child Quot the Hudson tried therapy switching schools having him watched constantly even Locking him up in a psychiatric Ward where mrs. Hudson said he sexually abused boys. Quot he could t Promise to Reform and he Promise to control himself Quot she added. Back Home the fears mounted. Mrs Hudson worried Robert would set fire to their House Quot this is the kind of kid who could t accept love in a family life. It s like catching a wild lion and saying you Don t have to Hunt and kill for your food a Quot after six years Quot it snapped in my head a for the Sake of rehabilitating one you May lose the whole family Quot she said. In 1987, Robert insisted they legally end the adoption. Quot he ibid me i would rather be on the Street s in India begging than living with this family Quot she said. Quot even the judge said this Isnit going to work i kept saying i be never Given up on a human being in my life Quot Quot i cried for three months. I never failed with a kid Quot said mrs. Hudson who lives in the Midwest. A no one pats you on the Back and says thank you Quot she said a they Mark you off As a failed adoption. Quot mrs Hudson said Robert lives in a supervised Foster Home and Calls occasionally. But she does no to want him in her still Pray for him All the time. He still Calls me mom and i still think i . Who and an Leig Quot Gid. Ted Ige to it in 13 ill int some say however that rate May climb because healthy White babies Are scarce while the adoption Pool largely consists of older children with histories of neglect or abuse or infants born of addicted mothers. Quot the reason you might have More children who Don t work out is were trying with tougher and tougher kids Quot said adoption advocate Kroll. Quot today every kind of kid has been adopted a kids without arms or legs sexually abused those in Foster Homes. Twenty years ago they were written a Home though in t an instant formula for Success. Experts say adoptions fail for several reasons age handicaps parents can to handle Lack of personal history and unrealistic expectations a with some children harbouring fantasies about idealized family life and some adults becoming disappointed when the children Aren t grateful or relieved to have a new Home. A study of 927 children 3 years and older adopted from 1980-84 in California found age was the strongest predictor of disruption and hat the less information families had the likelier the problems said Richard Barth one of the authors and an associate professor at the University of California Berkeley s social welfare a school. Lack of Access to personal files prompted a Texas lawsuit by several families who claimed they weren to told of their adoptive children s histories of sexual abuse or physical problems. Thus far the Federal courts have ruled against the parents who wanted the files to help their children s treatment. In a different adoption trauma in Texas a couple gave up its adopted baby daughter after discovering she Vas severely mentally retarded and deciding they Cauldon t Cope with that. Tony now lives in a Foster Home. In h s taped message he was reassuring. Quot you Don t to worry about me because i m doing Fine and i m is you a lot Quot he said. He signed off As Quot your Loving freed a and part time not urday july 7, 1990 the stars and stripes a Page 15
