European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 23, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Observations oops Pardon my foreign language Rosemary Sawyer staff writer Quot of wonder the German woman looked horrified. In even in aids conscious 1990, no one eats condoms. But then again that s not what my Friend was trying to say. You see she was trying to speak a foreign language. Maybe you be been there. The pair were Chi chatting in an office awhile Back when the conversation took its turn for the perverse. The German woman had complimented my Friend on How Young she looked and asked her How she managed it. A simple a said the 35-year-old, jumping at the Chance to interject some american humor. Envisioning a stateside grocery store with its shelves lined with ready to eat chemical Laden foods she replied a i come from the Usa so i eat lots of  the anticipated chuckle never came. Neither did the Grin the smile or the Eye twinkle. In fact the woman a face turned Ashen and she walked away. Despite a Good command of German my Friend did no to know preservative meant condoms.  is the German Mouthful for the stuff that keeps your food looking Young. While testing the fruits of 47 i German language courses in be encountered facial expressions like that poor woman a. A one time i announced i was tired of cleaning my own House and needed a Schmut Frau. 1 should have said put Frau for cleaning lady because Schmut Frau Means dirty lady. A then there was the time at a fest that i tried to order a grilled Puppy instead of a grilled Chicken. Hin Chen and Hahn Chen sound mighty similar to me. A another time i matter of factly told someone i was a calf i meant to say i was cold. Kalt is cold Kalb is calf. The problem is even if i had gotten the right word using the wrong grammar would have communicated that i was frigid. And what truly amazes me is How much damage you can do to those Arm Long German words by simply mixing up a letter or two. That does t happen in English. If you leave out a letter in antidisestablishmentarianism it does no to mean eggplant. Well try dropping a Little bitty a a us while ordering in a restaurant and watch the waitresses face. A a in la have the corrugated steel window Blind with Gravy  you meant roulade or rolled meat but you said Rol Laden. Understandable mistake anybody could have done it. How about dessert at the local ice Cream shop after dinner a a in la take a Squirrel please with two scoops of chocolate Chip and one   you know it Eichho amp Chen is the Small nut gathering furry animal. Eish Duchen is the Waffle like confection although its More commonly called i shiite in the land of $7 sundaes. One face i wish i could have seen was my prospective landlords a few years ago when i was trying to rent his apartment in Frankfurt. This time the of so easy to make Blunder occurred on the Telephone. I called to Tell him i wanted to take the attic apartment he had showed me a Day or two earlier. I offered to pay the Deposit immediately to assure him i was serious about renting the place. I was in a bind however As i Only had . Dollars and the Banks were closed. Surely hell understand ill just explain the situation in my Best German course accent i thought. A a in la be right Over with the Money but i have a slight problem a i told him. A i Only have false held Quot silence. How was i to know false held meant counterfeit Money what did you say no doubt you have had a funny or embarrassing moment while trying to talk like a native. Whether it was in Greece Spain Turkey Belgium the Netherlands Iceland Germany or anywhere else you May have been yes even the United kingdom wed like to hear about it. Send your Best stories to slip of the Tongue sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211. Well share our favourites in a future Issue. Feedback i you were Secretary of defense what is the first thing you d change about the military chief Petty officer Stephen Coffelt contract inspector with naval support activity Souda Bay Crete id push for More accompanied Tours and better living conditions for families. Staff sgt. Lisa Mccrary Cost analyst with the 7276th air base group Iraklion air station Crete pay so we could keep up with the Cost of living. We Are underpaid compared to the civilian sector. Spec. Christopher Teague administration specialist military traffic management come Felixstowe England 1 think i would be More centralized and closer to the troops and situation so i could get firsthand knowledge of what is going on. Sgt. 1st class . Wesley Usa eur Headquarters Heidelberg West Germany personally i like the Way the military is run. That a Why in be re enlisted three times i would t change a thing. Joyce Beadle loan Counselor Navy Federal credit Union naval forces Europe Headquarters London id allow Navy people to have their beards again. Compiled by stars and stripes staff Page  sunday september 23, 1990