European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 23, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Baseball has us All running at the Mouth Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers october is almost Here sports fans and you know what that Means. It Means two thirds of the National football league has already been sidelined with knee injuries. But it also Means that we re entering the pulse pounding final weeks of the current baseball season which began according to my calculations in 1987, and what a season it has been the big highlight of course was George Steinbrenner receiving a lifetime suspension from the game for invading Kuwait. Also there have been a number of a no hitters a which Are a very exciting Brand of baseball action wherein one of the teams never even threatens to win. One of these was pitched by the phenomenal Nolan Ryan who at 67 years old continues to rack up victories because the umpires feel sorry for him. A Umpire strike one a Batter wait a minute he did no to even pitch it yet a Umpire strike three yes these Are the things that make baseball a fundamental american institution like Call waiting and Nutrasweet. My own fond baseball memories Date Back to when i was a youngster in Little league and huge mutant opposition youngsters would pitch baseballs into my left kidney at an estimated 425 Miles per hour. Back then i formed a feeling for the game that persists today especially when i make sudden movements and As a father in be done my Best to pass a baseball fever along to my son. A they Robby a ill say just As sports Loving american dads have said to their youngsters for generations. A a let a play the a bases loaded baseball game on the Nintendo a Robby enjoys this because it gives him an Opportunity to pick up some a a pointers from his old Man a me what a the score a Robby i have 157 and you have 3. A me shut up. Yes baseball brings out powerful emotions As you know if you saw the deeply moving picture a afield of dreams a which tells the heartwarming Story of a Man played by Kevin Costner who receives instructions from com. One Day the com tells him to build a baseball Field next to his House so naturally he does. It could have been worse a really malevolent vegetable such As Zucchini could have told him to build a nuclear reactor watching this movie especially the emotion packed ending i had tears in my eyes As i thought to myself a How come my wife never looks at me the Way she looks at Kevin Costner a in a not saying she does no to love me in a just saying that her eyes have More of a laser Quality when they re zeroing in on Kevin Costner and i say its unfair. I mean when she gets a close look at him its always from a very flattering camera Angle plus he has just had his hair done and his makeup applied and his Teeth capped and his jeans shrunk whereas when she gets a close look at me its in a less impressive situation such As in a checking to see whether i can still make comical noises with my armpit. I think we need a Federal Law requiring that whenever a known hunk appears in a movie there has to be some detail designed to make him in some Subtle Way less attractive. A movie actress lets take off most of our clothes and enact a passionate love scene. A Kevin Costner of but first take a look at this nostril zit. Note from editor our columnist has gotten this song Sung to the tune of a Home on the Range was created by a Reader to bring a chuckle when its really needed. A ooh give me a Home where no children do roam and the House will stay clean All Day where Seldom is heard a quarrelling word and each person uses one Glass a Day. Home Home on the Range where Seldom is heard a childish word and the House could be mine for a  Sandra Teepell Iraklion air station Crete a couple of observations on sports a a Surprise in the a Fly a first week efforts to Speed up the games mean the last two minutes take Only a half hour to play. A the new cooperation with the soviets would be More exciting if they had some left handed pitchers we wanted. Bil Tammeus Kansas City stars amps Sharon Kilday himself mired in a severe digression Here so in an Effort to finish this column on the original topic we re going to bring in a Relief columnist baseball. Its often called a a game of inches a and for Good reason sports fans would get angry if you came right out and called it a a game where Guys getting paid millions of dollars stand around doing absolutely nothing for minutes on end except  the reason for this of course is strategy. As you know if you listen to expert droning baseball analysts on to More strategic thought goes into one single pitch than into the entire . Foreign policy. A broadcast analyst in this situation Garcia might throw a curve although Edwards could be looking for the curve so Garcia might come with the Slider unless of course he thinks that Edwards thinks he a going with the Slider in which Case he might go with the fastball although for that very reason he might decide to go with the original curve although As i said earlier Edwards might be looking for the curve so Garcia might come with the. A play by play Man Bob the game ended 45 minutes ago. A broadcast analyst hey there a drool on my microphone. Moi Sydney Australia a Art. Yot amp a i inc insist Cut you Langua amp a is ool Yosfi is St Batand Vou coca Loams asy5av l a what Pont you to Ftp politic.? a Page 12 c sunday september 23,1990