European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 21, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh this halloween the lost terror May finally strike Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers of youngsters gather a round your old Uncle Dave and ill Tell you the True halloween horror Story about the time my Friend Don put his wife a tights on his head. This was my idea. It was the halloween of 1978, and the Community where i lived had decided to hold a party where the neighbourhood children would have some traditional halloween fun such As Bobbing for apples the theory being that they a do less traditional halloween property damage if their lungs were full of water. For the highlight of this party i was going to Tell the terrifying Story of the Watermelon baby. I Learned the Watermelon baby Story when i was a Counselor at a place called Camp Sharp Roon. My group consisting of 9-year-old boys went by the Indian name a Csc Haahti cokes pronounced scat a Cook which i believe is the Indian word for a boys who Are too scared to go out to the latrine in the Woods at  on camping trips our primary wilderness Pioneer activity was hanging blankets out to dry the result being that there was no wildlife for 200 Miles downwind of our campsite. This was my fault. Each night wed gather around the campfire and roast marshmallows As the Forest became dark and silent except for the ullo Havana Cuba n �8 Tai a k / -=5co whisper of the wind in the Majestic 200-foot Pine Trees and the occasional distinctive cry of a a a Schaghticoke attempting to eat a marshmallow that was still technically on fire. Then id Tell a campfire Story which always starred some evil carnivorous nocturnal mutant creature with a name like the Snake Witch or the Toad Man or the giant fanged Pine Cone of death. Naturally id always Point out that this creature was known to stalk around in the very Woods where we were camping. As i described the horrible things it did to people and their various internal organs my voice would get quieter and quieter until the boys were leaning Forward with eyes the size of personal pan pizzas and my voice would drop to an ominous whisper and. Look out there it is then id Wash up and Brush my Teeth while i waited for the boys to climb Back Down from the tops of the Majestic 200-foot Pine Trees after which they a go to bed although they will probably never actually sleep again for the remainder of their lives. As a Counselor you like to think you be had an Impact on Young people. Anyway the Best Camp Sharp Aroon Story of All was the one about the Watermelon baby this was a monster that looked sem human except it had a huge head and went around eating everything sort of like sen. Edward Kennedy. For some reason this Story always drove the Schaghticoke to new Altitude records and so years later i decided to Tell it at the Community halloween party. To make the Story really scary i devised this plan wherein at the most dramatic moment id make a secret hand gesture and there in the window behind me would appear the actual Watermelon baby. The role of the Watermelon baby was to be played by my Friend Don Macpherson who met the two major dramatic qualifications a he was round. A he had a few Beers in him. To give Don a giant head i hit upon the idea of borrowing a pair of Green tights from his wife Pat stuffing one leg with an entire wadded up sunday edition of the new York times and then pulling it Over done a head. Done a concern at this Point was that he perhaps did not look like a terrifying creature of the night so much As a Man with news no kidding great writers who died unexpectedly Moliere a died while acting on stage Christopher Marlowe a killed in tavern Brawl Albert Camus a died in Auto Accident Sinclair Lewis a had a heart attack Edgar Allan Poe a found unconscious in Street Leo Tolstoy a died at a railway station Percy Bysshe Shelley a killed in sailing Accident Jack London a died from morphine overdose later died in a Baltimore Hospital source world features syndicates amps Sharon Kilday paper stuffed tights on his head. Pat and i tried to reassure him that he was indeed very impressive but this was difficult inasmuch As we were lying on the Kitchen floor face Down in puddles of laughter induced drool. But finally i talked him into going to the halloween party site where he hid outside while i went in to Tell the Story. Many children were there and i soon had them spellbound ready to explode with terror. At exactly the right dramatic moment i made the secret code hand gesture and there in the window behind me was nothing. So i made a More obvious gesture. Still nothing. This did not make for effective drama. It was As if at the crucial moment in the movie a jaws a when you re finally going to see the monstrous creature after All the dramatic buildup and the spooky music the dark water had parted and out had popped Kermit the Frog. I was waving my arms like a Man under attack by hornets and the children were snickering and the window was empty and somewhere out there stumbling around in the night was the Watermelon baby whose vision had become completely obscured by the arts entertainment Section. So As you youngsters can imagine old Uncle Dave wound up looking like a total bucket head. But done to laugh too hard youngsters. Because guess what halloween is almost Here and Watermelon Don is still out there somewhere lurching around. He might even be right in your neighbourhood and i bet by now he a very annoyed. Bah. Those forecasts Are never  24 c to plus sunday october 21,1990