European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 26, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                By Deedee Arrington Doke Kaiserslautern Bureau aying goodbye to a military member deploying for duty in the Middle East Means saying hello to a heavy Load of new responsibilities for the families left behind. It also Means living with uncertainty until the loved one returns Home. Some members of the 52nd tac fighter Wing at Span Dahlem a Germany went to the Middle East two months ago. _ the assignment family members say is different from others because no one knows when the spouses will return. And few of those left behind know exactly where their family members Are. Four wives and one husband of Wing members who have deployed to operation desert shield met with the stars and stripes to share their survival tips with the thousands of other family members in Europe who will soon join the ranks of those remaining on the Home front. Quot i think it s very important to leave rank aside and come together Quot said Ofelia Caro who is married to tech. Sgt. Eddie Caro. A we can  others on this unofficial panel of Quot experts Quot were Joy Byars wife of master sgt. George Byars Tammy Magill wife of tech. Sgt. Jim Magill Sarah Villarreal wife of sgt. Serafin a vill Quot Villarreal and tech. Sgt. Bill Sullivan husband of staff sgt. Kitrina Sullivan. All have at least one child. Kids kids kids a being both mom and dad to kids is hard on both child and Parent. Sullivan s 6-year-old daughter spends an occasional Quot All girl weekend with her Babysitter and the babysitters sister when Sullivan figures his Little girl needs a Strong dose of feminine attention during her mothers  wishes that married male friends would take her sons under their wings in the absence of her husband because Quot he a the Type who does a lot with the  she said her husband has often considered becoming a big brother for a boy without a father. Once he returns from Gulf duty she says Quot we re going to do it. There a going to be a Little boy out there who could use a big  a kids get Cranky when mom or dad is away for a Long time even under Normal circumstances. Talk with them. Let them see you cry Span Dahlem spouses say. And joke with them. Around the Caro household for instance iraqi Leader Saddam Hussein is known As Quot Saddam  special Days a birthdays will occur during the deployed spouses absence and its not Only the Young birthday boy or girl who will feel that something a missing. The absent Parent is Likely to feel left out and guilty that a special family event is happening without them. Magill recommends that families videotape or photograph birthday parties and Send copies to the absent Parent Quot so they can enjoy it  a special gift for the birthday child May be spending special time together. For his Little girls upcoming birthday Sullivan plans to leave his son with the Babysitter and take his daughter out to dinner. A anniversaries by their very nature wont be celebrated to the same measure As they would be if both partners were in the same place. But Magill suggests that they still be observed by going out for dinner for example with close friends. A and they recommend inviting single airmen or soldiers Over from the deployed spouses unit to share Holiday dinners with the family. Taking care of business a getting a general Power of attorney before the spouses amps Lynda Davidson Tammy Magill with children James and Katie has had to take on some of husbands roles.  families adjust to desert shield deploys is crucial. It allows the non sponsor spouse to handle Many financial and bureaucratic matters that the Active duty spouse typically handles. Joy Byars for instance was Able to cancel her husbands motorcycle insurance in his absence. Another spouse was Able to use a fest Home layaway program to buy a Rug for the House. O if you have a stateside Bank account now is a Good time to use it. Most of tech. Sgt. Jim Magilll a paycheck is directly deposited to a Bank in Europe but an allotment also goes to the a Gills Bank in the United states. While Jim is deployed to the Middle East he uses Money from the stateside account. Tammy uses the local account in Germany. A it s a definite Bonus. Jim a got a constant income Tammy said. While a general Power of attorney will cover Many problems it would be Wise to Check with Legal officials about a special Power of attorney for other circumstances. Gifts to the Gulf a the Best gift for the Gulf deployed is mail mail and of course mail. Joy Byars husband gave her the names of airmen who were receiving precious Little mail and she sent the names and addresses to her family in the United states. Her family then shared that information with other people. As a result the formerly mail less airmen Are now getting gifts and letters just for them. A Blank cards for birthdays anniversaries and other occasions Are welcomed by troops who May not have a greeting card shop nearby. A Many Span Dahlem personnel did t have pillows when they first deployed to the Middle East so some spouses made pillows to Send them. A books Are popular gifts. Sullivan estimates that his wife has read at least 20 Romance novels since she deployed. But he recommends ripping off such books covers before mailing them since they usually portray romantic action that might offend customs officials in islamic countries. A civilian clothes Are usually required for Active duty personnel when they leave their bases. Not everyone brought some along so a conservative sport shirt might come in Handy for the deployed airman or Soldier. Getting around a providing rides to the store finance office or school is one of the biggest favors those who drive can do for spouses left behind who Don t drive or Don t have a car. For Villarreal transportation has been the toughest problem she s faced since her husband deployed two months ago. Sarah and the couple s daughter Kimberly now 2, had been in Germany three weeks when vill left. Her husband had not bought a car before his family arrived overseas. Joy Byars and Sarah s Soldier brother in Stuttgart have helped her get around. But she a had Little Luck in finding a Good car Quot that will last me until my husband comes  and now her brother is deploying to the Middle East. Spouse recognition a spouses left behind tackle a major survival Campaign of their own while their husbands or wives Are deployed. A we ought to get a medal when they get Back Quot one Span Dahlem wife joked. On the serious Side however some suggest that the bases or installations organize an Outing such As a shopping excursion to a nearby City or some other Type of Daylong trip and babysitting services for the Day to the spouses who wait. They also would like to see More special events such As dinners with guest speakers set up for . A Sullivan recommends that the deploying spouse leave a copy of his or her most recent Eye Wear prescription easily available at Home. His wife s Good pair of glasses broke just before she left for the Middle East and her standby glasses Are falling apart. A she can to get her prescription to me because there a hundreds of Miles of difference Between where she is and where her records Are Quot he said. Quot get a Good prescription and leave it with your  a families May develop a stronger sense of Independence As they prove they can face up to challenges alone. That s important. But its also important to let the absent family member know he or she still is needed at Home. A done to let support group activities regress to Quot pity parties Quot several spouses said. Remember that keeping your spirits up is important to the deployed family member who May need your support to keep his or her morale High. Said Caro Quot if you Don t do Well he a not going to do  monday november 26, 1990 the stars and stripes a a a Page 13