European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 4, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Children in conflict feeling the stress of separation education writer Jimi Jones led the staff Effort to produce this children in conflict package. Other contributors include John Millar Effie Baleen Gary a Miller. J. King Cruger Amy Geisel Ejones Meridith Winder and Luke Britt. A. A   7 by the stars arid stripes u s. Troops May have won a cease fire in the persian Gulf War but All is not yet quiet on the. Home front. A a. A a for thousands  left behind by Servic member parents stress from the fear and a uncertainly of the War remains child psychologists and other experts say. For the progeny of Europe based troops involved in the conflict there is also the likelihood of additional  separation As Quot first a first out Quot. Troop withdrawals plod their course. Although children in Europe appear to be coping. Remarkably Welt Many children show telltale signs of separation related stress the experts say. Psychologists teachers and school Counselor report instances of depression anxiety Short tempers and irritability despite comprehensive support systems set up7n their schools and communities. -. A they Are feeling the same pressure and anxiety As / parents Quot said Anne Monti a Counselor who divides her time Between two department of defense dependents a schools in Germany. A   �7 7 /  7-.-. 7  the kids Are having trouble attending to. Schoolwork some Are melancholy and school nurses Are reporting More stomachaches and headaches said Monti who counsels at Haine Berg elementary in Wiesbaden and Derheim elementary. ,/.7- / a 7 v Inge Moorman a Counselor at the  in a Wurzburg. Germany said she believes students while generally doing Well in school tend to be a More Touchy and cry More since the deployment and fighting began some older children have shown signs of aggression she said. / a .7. -. ,. Quot a one Girt told me she takes it out on her cat. She tights with her cat and her oat fights Back. But i would say that they re handling it real Well and talking about it helps. A a the kids who were aggressive before Are maybe abit More aggressive Moorman said. A the Shyer kids a. Are still shy but maybe a Little More withdrawn. So their Basi characteristics Arete same they re just Quot Quot a  ,. A .7 Margaret Jones a psychologist for the military school system in Wurzburg agrees. Quot i think  intensity of  reactions. And when we can help. The kids understand that they re Normal and the parents understand that they re not crazy and heir kids Aren t crazy i think that . A     a c -. -. A Quot. A the stress of separation also manifests itself in other ways in the classroom teachers and Counselor said j fifth Grade teacher Tara Wilson reports difficulty in Quot getting her students to do their Homework and notes that same students seem to have a hard time concentrating. Quot it May not be All the War but i in pretty sure it s a Good portion of it Quot she said. A Wilson s male students also talk hat fully about iraqi president Saddam Hussein a which is natural because. They have an enemy now Quot she said. Quot the girls say they hate him but they Don t go into As much expression As the boys  a -. A a i .a. Art projects have relied heavily on War scenes in. A  recent weeks Many Quot with scud missiles and with a. Target with Saddam s face Quot she said. Quot 7- 7 -7.-. Some teachers and Counselor say that the conflict. / affects All of their students not just those with a Parent deployed to the Gulf a Quot-.-v7/ . 7. A in Naples Italy for example where relatively Small numbers of personnel have been called up for Gulf duty Quot Many sailors Are working. 12-hour shifts in Security and other jobs. Those Long shifts Force parents to alternate. Roles causing in stability and stress Accord i no to 7 a. Counselor at the  service  7 7 and that stress can actually be worse than that faced by families with a deployed Parent because the remaining spouse gradually assumes the role of both. Mom and dad teachers and Counselor said. Stress can also be contagious with students. A catching Quot fears from their classmates. Quot their Parent 7 May not be deployed but their Best friends Parent May be deployed. We not Only have to be concerned with the child but every child that sits with him at the Bunny table in the kindergarten room Quot said Wurzburg school  7 air fares photo by staff sgt. Chrit Miller at Haine Berg elementary school staff sgt. David Holt makes a list of useful items that can be sent to those deployed to the Middle East pupils at the school Send care packages to the Gulf. Counselor Roger Smith. Quot if he s in tears the other live Are in tears. And they Don t know Why  Quot the teachers know those children Quot Smith said. Quot and they can spot a difference right away when saudi Arabia or Iraq or Egypt is talked about. All 26 kids get it,.not just the three whose parents Are deployed Quot a. 77 the  that the most Well adjusted Quot   or  7 -7 a Home. A -77. A 7. A a -.�. A a kids draw their strength from the Mother or whoever Isa left Here,&Quot., said Lovely Thornton a Counselor at. 7_ Span Dahlem elementary school in Germany. Quot when that person Falls to pieces it makes it doubly hard for . A in Nurnberg Germany for example.,  a 7/ a confessed that she has been Quot losing it Quot since her. A husband s deployment to. The Gulf. A i Haven to slept since this whole thing started Quot she said. A i m one person trying to play 40 other roles at one time. I feel anger. Sadness and severe severe fear of the  All four of her school aged children  school Counselor. A a. A  . -. -.�-�. �?�-.-f, 7the Lack of a consistent  also contributes to the problem according to Wurzburg Middle school Counselor Terry  time schedule the  bedtimes have changed the chores have changed. 7 _ Dinn ends changed. There s a lot More pizzas being. Bought and there s a lot More Burger King and. Mcdonald s being bought Quot she said a and that v constancy that might have existed with the deployed Parent being Home has changed. And that can always result in a change in school work school performance Quot Jones said that school officials have urged parents to maintain Structure in the Homes. One suggestion. Involves using a Cale Darto plan ahead so that life is a not just looking Forward to when and it daddy s coming Home but on thursday we re going to go Bowling on.-. Saturday we re going to the movies and on Friday night we re going to sit Down and write a letter a she said. The concept ensures Quot there s always something that they. The children can look Forward to that s going to happen to them. It also projects a Little bit of the  a. Quot Dodds officials  been trying to provide / . School realizing the students Home lives May to shaky. 77 7 -77/7. 7-7 77. Quot  school one of  we have is 7 business As  said Joan Halloran. The principal of a Lakenheath High school in England. Quot we re keeping six j Jio Ursa Day of their life As close to Normal As it s always been.  the same time we must be very sensitive to what is being said and what is not being  the Wurzburg Counselor agrees that school Quot might be the one stable place in the. Whole military / Community for  but obviously teachers and. Other school officials can to solve everything he warned. A philosophy Quot Smith said Quot is that i cannot fix the Quot next six weeks today. If a Childs feeling Down at lunch Quot and i can work with that child and get him to feel better during lunch or for the rest of the Day. Then i be been a successful.&Quot.,.  -�7. 7 a 7 c --7.a. Parents can help ease the pain by the stars and stripes m Ost children who have parents deployed in the Middle East Are suffering some form of stress and some have severe coping. Problems. But most will Bounce Back. Child experts say.7. A 7 r a _ Quot Quot still child psychologists and other experts say parents must help their youngsters Cope by allaying fear and being honest about the realities of War a and the Long separation that Likely will follow it. A take any stressful or even overwhelming situation and you can either go Down the tube from it or you can. Grow and make a positive experience of it Quot said maj. Thomas g. Hardaway the chief of child and adolescent mental health services at fort Hood. Texas. A i think it s our Job to help these kids grow through whatever it is that hits them Quot . A a Quot Quot. Children whose parents Are honest with them about War seem to do better than those Whoso parents try to protect them from the conflict s emotional toll according a to Patricia Wells a Counselor with Aschaffenbur s family support Center in Germany. 7 7 a. Wells a Mother  and the wife of a deployed Soldier said she used that tack with her own children and has been pleased with the results. Quot i answered their questions and was honest about the fact that people die in War. But t focused on the fact that people also come Back from War and that their daddy would be so Happy to see  .7  7 ,. 7 ,. A _ Wells also encourages parents to educate their. Children about saudi Arabia and about the politics and cultures of the persian Gulf Region. The More children understand about what is happening to their family the less afraid of it they Are she  7 a. In addition deployed parents should make  to write letters especially Tor their children so they know they hav amp not been forgotten Wells said 7 in Germany Wurzburg elementary school Counselor Roger Smith believes communication is key for parents trying to defuse their children s War related problems. Basically the tool that works Best is conversation at Home about whate going on7 he said. School officials have urged parents to talk to their children but Many still Don the said a maybe mom or dad. The remaining spouse Here has the idea they re  it but the. Kids done to always see it Tike that. Quite often children just need to be reassured that they re going to be ok7 7 t r -7 7 a 7_ Cindy. Poulos a fourth Grade teacher at Raf upper Heyford England said children naturally want to discuss. The Gulf situation and their separation from a Parent. A a it a difficult Tor Young children to process the amount of a information they Are being bombarded with Quot Poulos 7. Said. Quot so they ask a lot More questions and want to talk. More about the situation so they can get an 7. 7  a 7 "7 ,. ,. Being a Good listener is vital to the process according to Wurzburg Middle school Counselor Inge Moorman. Quot listen listen then listen and listen again because. They need to have the Opportunity to talk and to say what. They Are feeling without being interrupted. If the child gets a clearer picture of the feelings then the child can handle those feelings. ,. A. A and you have to say a feeling is neither Good nor bad it s just a feeling and it has to be . A deals with appropriately. It s All right to be angry but it s. Not All right to hit a Friend Over the head because of  Merman said it s Fine to suggest ways  to Deal with their feelings a but i Don t Tike to give advice./. A it s just too risky i think it s important to give them the ngh tto find some of their own solutions and help them try them  7 a 7 _7 a. Pat Jenkes the presiden Rof the association for Young. Chilled Europe also urges parents to talk Quot frankly a is inv and honestly Quot about the Gulf crisis and the resuming family separation. Although deployed 7 a z�?ose7vi 9rnembers Are in less danger now Jenkes warns Pareis to keep promises realistic. 7 a Ticsay that daddy will be Fine a Jenkes warns a is a pro Rose  expect a Parent to  Veall a children need to have a Norma life Quot she r said  a 7. A a / because of the fear ofjerrorisnn7 some children come Home from school and Are not allowed to go out a cd Day Quot she said. Quot they can t go to the places they a continued on Page 16 7 a ways to a / a w Mao Mam m it zen 7the  Stuttgart school District psychologist Michael. Mcgrew can be used to help parents Battle the stress of separation. 7 a. Encourage honest exchanges of information and feelings at family meetings but done to focus too much on problems. B. Don t put older kids in surrogate Parent roles. Don t put yourself in a Quot super Parent Quot role you can t assume try to ensure that new responsibilities Given to children Are appropriate for their age. C. Notify the school of extreme child reactions to family stress . D. If anyone in your family has a / Dilli culty talking about feelings consider a diary journal tape recorder or Art a work to express feelings   / a e. Try to spend even five to 10a minutes of Quot special Quot Lime with each a i child every Quot Day 7�?~ 7-7 ,777 7 f. Try to schedule one night a week / for yourself. Do something you really enjoy regularly. Don t feet guilty about t going out and using a Babysitter. Try to avoid a Martyr role. 77 /  pc / �?~7 g. Educate your children calmly Quot. About saudi Arabia its geography -. A climate and people.7./ Quot. A. A. Encourage existing peer support friendships. Kids will feel Good about helping each other. / .7-. I use the remaining military Chain of a command for possible assistance with discipline if your child develops severe -. Behaviour problems. Sometimes a commanders can act in a dutch Uncle a Roies to help provide stability and needed Community consequences j. Discourage the View of being Quot Strong Quot As a denial  and feelings f a Quot a / -.7  Quot. A 7 k. Encourage assertive problem solving methods directed a things you a can do something about and recognize your strengths. _ 7 l. Encourage your children to use. Their  and beliefs for Comfort and support. Quot a m. Recognize your own limitations feelings and need for support help. Other parents As you can. Accept help from others who offer it. A / n. Call your child s teacher or school 7 Counselor if extra help or a support group of  needed to Copo with All the changes. A  a o. Let your kids know that you rpm Strong enough to Deal with their reactions but reassure them that you. Are upset too. Done to deny your own. Feelings but try to change problems Inlo challenges. Up. Continue As Many of your regular Home routines As possible. Minimize. Disruptions and major change if a possible  7 -. A. Help your kids say appropriate. _ goodbyes to friends and family who  that they May try to a _ act angry or seem like they Don t areas a cover up or their real feelings 7. R. Identify rumours and. Dispel Thorn 7 help your children realize  Are. Part of Quot fringe group s. And Don t reflect mainstream Sony . Help your children and yourself  with Basic stress reduction a 7. Quot 7 / techniques. Quot   a t. Train your children to Walch for. Signs of extreme stress in themselves and others. A  u. Seek out counselling Tor yourself. / As you need it have at least Ond Friend to whom you can fully express Allol a. Your feelings. A   7 7. V. Encourage your children to cute / frequently or draw pictures and become involved in positive desert storm /. Projects in  / a. ,7 w. Don t let kids use desert storm As an excuse for Misbehaviour. Change your management text Yaques a needed. Expect and tolerate some a regressive . Recognize the Normal emotional stages of grief and toss that people  denial Quot anger depression or a despair bargaining adjustment and a acceptance a _. / 7. / y. Encourage your spouse to Send. Tellers with special notes for each child As  pictures tapes and other  Concrete evidence of his or her. Existence and caring. 7. 7 z. For holidays consider new rituals even crazy ones like  multifamily a Ltd slumber party. Surround yourself with people or take a trip remember your spouse and take photos or videos but decide to enjoy the Day and your new Celebration 7 Page 14 the stars and stripes monday mar it 1991 the stars and stripes