European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 07, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Horror flick called playroom just came out and its the fifth movie where a Bunch of americans go to an abandoned monastery in Yugoslavia a to find out what a inside. Listen to me we know what a inside. There arc dead people inside. You could have gone right out to Forest Lawn and found the same thing and saved Quot a lot a of Twa airfares. Its either dead vampires with German shop hard Teeth or its dead egyptian. Boy Kings or its Devil priestesses from lost continents but no matter what it is the stupid americans arc Gonna go inside the monastery or the Castle or the Cave and get eaten by weird Beard East european communist ghost monsters. They eat reporters. They cat archaeologists. In the howling v they ate a whole lot of really bad character actors. A but you would think these people would Wise up. In the movies its safer to go to Baghdad than to go to Belgrade. This time its archaeology stuff Christopher Mcdonald takes his Girlfriend to Yugoslavia to find but what his. Father was looking for 20 years ago when whoops the whole family was suddenly murdered by a maniac with a Pickas. Chris has been having nightmares Ever since and it Kinda bothers him when he remembers the bloody bodies of his family scattered throughout the Tomb of the evil torturer dead boy King Elk. A when the four intrepid yuppies arrive the tension mounts does Elk live does Elk have a Pickas will any members of the cast rip off their clothes and Start making the sign of the twin humped Alligator in a Musty funeral chamber of course they do. Of you be been to Yugoslavia before two breasts. Nine dead bodies. One undead. Body. One dead bloody rat.,one yugoslavian loony bin. Supporting actress Cut in half. Guy impaled. Heads Roll. Drive in Academy awards nominations for Jamie Rose As the Bimbo Girlfriend for saying a is he going to Pound All Day in a trying to meditate a and for making a Ger Aldo Rivera joke. Two and a half stars. Joe Check it out. A a a a another one. The Long awaited slumber party massacre Iii just came but featuring Keely Christian As the latest Symbol of american womanhood who takes on the Driller killer v a a Quot a All movies in this series beginning with Rita Mae Browne a slumber party massacre i Are written and directed by women and All of them have creep la psycho villains who arc sexually frustrated so they take it. Out on women by splattering their guts All Over the Wall with a huge Power Drill. Symbolism symbolism in the big final scene of All three movies the women get control of the Drill and destroy it if you know what i. Mean arid i think you do. In Case any of my feminist critics Are Reading today Jet me Point out that this series of Slasher movies is a created by women b demeaning to men and c obviously politically slanted to make us enjoy the destruction of the Guys and of the gals. I am not forming an organization to protest. Girls have a slumber party. Guys crash the slumber party. Creep la hangs around outside. People Start disappearing. And of course we have the always no Cussary to the plot scene where the girl is electrocuted by a marital Aid. The Distant sound of a Power Drill being turned. On and. Well you know the rest. R nine breasts. Ten dead bodies. Chainsaw. Power Drill through the upholstery. A for Sale sign through the Chest. One stuffed swordfish. Speargun to the leg. Polo Mallet to the head. Gratuitous Beach volleyball. The first time directing Effort of Sally Mattison is a lot scarier than no. 2, but it does no to really have the comedy. So. A a. Two and a half stars. V a. Joe Bob says Check it out. A of motors Syndicate Keely Christian prepares to take on a psycho in a slumber party massacre iii.�?�. Communist Alert the folks in Miami okla., have just about Given up Hope that the sooner f drive in Wil Ever reopen. The screen has started to rot casting weird shadows on the Wal Mart across the Highway. One of the lash movies shown there was the re release of the Texas Chainsaw massacre and Ike drive in had a birthday party to celebrate. All gone. All done. He Hoffman and the entire staff a t the pizza hut remind us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob when we re not shaking a tiling a and rolling and even when we Are Here in Santa Cruz Calif., we listen to the. Pig kp1g where. We hear your drive in movie and a video tape review. is this How old Are you -. A. A s if you lived about tote time of Jerry Lee were a do then How old Are you now Are you approaching 70? if so How do . So Spunky ? do you take what Roh Reagan takes to keep his hair so Brown Bee pollen and if so docs it give you a Buz Matthew Chocs tool. Santa Cruz Calif. Dear Matt i�?Tm98. A my secret i Haven t had sex since 1957. A dear Joe Bob a life is a test. It is Only a test. V if this were your actual life you would have been Given better instructions. James Merle Cloud paid. San Rafael Calif. Dear or. Jimbo v i you Ever get the feeling it s really a dress rehearsal where everybody got the wrong costume dear Joe. Bob Briggs. A Friend asked me this dilemma of a question a while Back and i have racked my brain to figure it out. A what would chubs look like if our Knees Bent backward a ? going crazy. A a Jefts Kumley a Pleasanton Calif dear jct a. A a a . Dear sir or Madam please cancel my subscription to a we Are the weird at this life has been changed Over in the recent. Past Back to a total Harmony with the will of the lord. This Means avoiding those things which draw us Down to our lesser nature including films depicting the things reviewed in Many entertainment anything that keeps us from enjoying Csc last ing life with the lord who gave lip his own life on the Cross of salvation cannot be worthwhile. Thank you for your cooperation. A a. Robert f. Smith Tacoma Wash dear Robert a a a Quot a a a a a would you mind telling us which movie it was that the lord objected to he could make it a lot easier on us Here at the a we Are the weird Quot newsletter if he would communicate with us directly. A it was a chopper Chicks in Zombie town a was t it i knew i should no thave reviewed that one a a a a a the columns of Joe Bob Briggs the world s Only drive in movie a critic Are distributed by creators Syndicate. To discuss the meaning of tile with Joe Bob or to get free junk if tie mail and the world famous a we Are the weird Quot newsletter write . To 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax 214 368-2310, april 7, 1991 sunday a Page 17
