European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 2, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse How to survive with old Buster and the Sharks Dave Barry knig fit Ridder. Newspaper summer is Here in in. And As Llie Olli Ual spokesperson Lor the Reziea Vional boat my Industry. In be been asked to Lemma Vou that boating is a Lun and in Kinmg family activity with very Little likelihood that your boat will sink and you la wind up Hob a Bing helplessly in the water while Sharks Chew on your legs As if they were a pair of giant slim jims in sided Iha t you it it it it a Pri ipe r a u t ical Price dures. A. a a. Quot a fortunately i can fell you what these proce. Lures Are because i am a Veteran Quot Salt and the owner of a Small Helm and i always feel totally sate because i know that a most nautical dangers can be avoided through careful preparation Good seamanship and common sense and b Buster is sitting on a trailer in my Yard. The biggest danger there is spiders which like to make webs on busters seats because they be figured out that statistically Buster is less Likely to wind up in the water than our House is. Sometimes when in a sitting at the Helm killing spiders with the Anchor scanning the horizon of my Yard Lor potential boating hazards i turn am busters radio and listen to the Marine forecast which is always saying things like Quot barometer leaning to the Southwest at 15 to 37 knots As a recreational Boater Quot knot Means Quot about a mile an there is a sound nautical reason Why Theydon t come right out and a mile an hour Quot namely they want you the recreational Boater. To feel stupid. They used to be less Subtle about it in the old Days the Marine i Oie cast consisted entirely if a Guy telling Tecisa tonal Boater jokes. Quot How Many recreational boaters d ies it take to screw in a Light bulb a they can to Sharks have chewed Oil their arms a the Marine forecast is always telling you of. Vious things such As which Vevay the wind is blowing which you can figure out for yourself just by watching the motion of your spider webs. They never Tell you about the serious boating a aids which Are located a write Down this boating safety tip a under the water. It turns out that although the water is basically Flat on top. Underneath there Are Large hostile objects such As reels and Shoals lir Quot lore castles that have been Cuie Lessly strewn around often smack dab m the Pathol recreational i discovered this shocking fact recently when son a friends visited us in Miami and in a foolish Effort them into thinking that we some a times go out on our boat we actually went out on a our boat. It was a Good Day for boating with the. Barometer gusting at about 47 Lite is of Antei Uii. And we had no problems until i decided to make the boat go Forward. For some reason motor. Boats Are designed to go at Only two speeds. Quot mutually stopped Quot and we were travelling along it virtually slopped which seemed inadequate a barnacles were passing us so i inched the throttle fora Quot a just a teens bit and who own suddenly we were passengers on the space shuttle Buster. Every few feet Buster. Would launch himself completely out of the water and attain such an Altitude that til any moment a a you expected flight attendants to appear with tie beverage cart and then wham Buster would. Crash Down onto a particularly hard Patch of water causing our food and possessions and spi Dors to Bounce overboard forming a convenient Trail for the Sharks to follow. A look Quot the Sharks were saying. A Raset of dentures it won t be Long now Quot in this recreational manner we lurched toward downtown Miami with me shouting out the various Points of interest. Quot i thinks amps Wos Booher it Iafe a a drug Calci i would shout. Of. There goes another possible drug dealer 1 was gesturing toward these Long sleek motorboats with. About 14 engines apiece that you see roaring around the Miami Waters men with no apparent occupation other than polishing their. Neck jewelry. A so it was a pleasant tropical scene with the wind blowing and the sen foaming and the Sun. Glinting off the the Captain. I was Leeling that pleasant sense of Well being that comes front being in total command and not realizing that you Are heading directly toward a Large underwater pile of Sarid. I would say. We hit it at about 630 knots so that when Buster. Skidded to a , we were in about 6 inches of water a depth that the . Coast a guard recommends for Craft Clas sited As Quot Popsicle Sticks or this meant that to push Buster off the Sand my Friend John and Thad to go into the water which lapped threateningly around our lower shins. Probably the Only thing that saved our lives was that the dreaded Man _ eating but really Flat shark was not around. So we did survive and in a already looking Forward to our next recreational boating Outing pos Sibly As soon As the next Century. Perhaps if you re a Boater you la see me out there ill be the one wearing Shin guards. Richter Usa a what do you mean you re a calling in sick quo let me see your no kidding original names of companies Xerox Haploid company. Delta air lines a Huff Daland dusters ism a computer tabulating recording co. Maytag a Parsons ban Cutter and self feeder world features Syndicate companies that started. In garages. Mattel Hewlett Pac Ardapple computer wham-0 Frisbee Atco trains to land by St it a in and t3 c its in Collins London England "1 spent three hours making those
