European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 09, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Last laugh How to make a great speech or us. Gac Dave Barr Knight Ridder. Newspaper a Quot Oday s topic in our series on building. Your Confidence is How to give a ,. Speech. A a if you Are a human being or even a. A. Reasonably Alert Shrub chances Are. That sooner or later a club or organization will. Ask you to give a speech. The United slates is infested  and organizations constantly engaging in a variety of worthwhile group activities such As 1 eating lunch 2 eating dinner 3 eating breakfast and of course 4 holding banquets. The result is that there is a constant demand for Post meal speakers because otherwise All you d hear would be the sounds of digestion. A a a a a. A a a. A great Deal of digestion is required because. All clubs and organizations obtain their food from the . Catering Cement company located a on a former nuclear lest site in Utah. Livery Chicken served by . Catering amp Cement has completed a toughening program developed by the . Marine corps under which trainees go through an intensive program of running obstacle courses doing push  getting bad haircuts and being screamed at by grizzled Veteran chickens wearing comical Smokey the Bear hats. By the. Time they graduate these chickens can deflect bullets with their breasts. As the speaker you arc expected to cat this food without special tools. As an additional Challenge Many clubs and organizations like to put. You at a head table up on a stage facing the. Quot audience so everybody can watch you eat. One time i gave a speech to a convention of certified pension actuaries motto a fun dudes having fun. There were 2,000 of them filling an nor Mous hotel ballroom and apparently As a prank they put me at a tiny Tabic right in the Center of. The stage with one other person named Bob. It was the least relaxed meal of my life. Bob and i handled our food the Way bomb disposal squad members handle suspicious packages be. Cause we were acutely aware that 4,000 actuarial a eyeballs were monitoring our every move and. Commenting on our table manners a look he dribbled on his Chin a. J was terrified that i d a have to go to the bathroom because you cannot ,. Leave a table for two on a stage the size of  being noticed. A a whereas he going a. A probably to the bathroom a a i bet he does no to Wash his hands a i was also terrified that Bob would break under the Strain and sprint off the stage leaving me up there alone to confront the dessert Quot pie a la Samsonite ,. But above All i was terrified by a knowledge. That afflicts All Post meal speakers / really did t have anything to say. And what is More. I knew deep in my heart that the audience would rather have been taking a Nap or playing Golf or actual realizing some  is the no. 1 Confidence building Rule of Public speaking nobody really wants to hear your speech this is Why Short speeches Are so  Toi ians  the greatest banquet speech in. History was the one delivered by the ancient greek philosopher Socrates moments after lie drank some Hemlock. A Gack a tic . Face first into his  other greeks a. Lauded like crazy. Quot Damn Good speech a a they said. A a Lei a play some Golf a. You also remember that Wien you re giving a speech there a ii ways a Chance that your mind will go totally Blank and you la freeze up As solids a supermarket Turkey. This happened to me about 10 minutes into my speech to the actuaries. The room fell silent and the seconds were ticking by and they were All staring at me waiting for my next statement Anil t was staring Back at them. With the confident self assured expression of a Laboratory rat about to he grabbed by a researcher holding a major electrode because i could think of nothing. Bob could have  with his dessert Fork and i would t have thought of a  a the same thing could very Well happen to you. If it docs remember this Coolid Cnoc building a fact there is a Strong Chance of being Stupin  doubly embarrassing. A speaking of pensions a. You might say a i frequently have sexual fantasies., involving Wilma Flintstone and a wading Pool Quot. Filled with  a. This is Why experts recommend that you prac lice your speech ahead of time in front of a Syner pathetic understanding audience. I practice in front , who always  Alert interested expressions in Case in a telling them that. They re going to get some leftover Spaghetti a a a a which they love. A this Confidence building technique has end a Allied me  a natural yet authoritative speaking style a a Jand in conclusion let me just saythat.,. No Down bad actuaries a. So the Quot Bottom line in spec making is to remember this just he relaxed and confident and you la do , have some Hemlock Henniger Strausberg Germany no kidding what a cheeseburger Fries and soft drink Cost in major cities Copenhagen Denmark a $11.25 Paris $7.97 Madrid Spain a $6.19 new York a $4.53 United states average a $3.70 Hong Kong a $2.48 source of Runzheimer inter  of letters in some alphabets cambodian a 72. Russian a 41. ,. A arabic a 28 a a. Burmese a 19rogokas a 11 a. Source actor vital statistics. _. A spoken on South Pacific Island of Bougainville. .schwadr0n Usa. 24 a sunday june 9, 1991 copyright �1991. Cartoonists amp writers Syndicate