European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 24, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A a amp a a a a i tempering boys tantrums by Marianne Daniels Garber ph.d., Stephen w. Garber ph.d., and Robyn Freedman Spizman Cox news service dear parenting my husband and i have three children Ages 13, 11 and 4. Our 4-year-old son has had an explosive temper since infancy. When he is alone with me he behaves quite Well plays independently a lot and does t get into mischief. But in the morning before the rest of the family leaves and in the late afternoon and evenings when they Are Here he yells and screams almost continuously picks fights with everyone hits,1 1 throws things Calls names Etc. He gets along Well with other children and never has a behaviour problem in school and rarely out in Public. What can we do to have peace Iri our Home a . Dear . It is quite Likely that when you and your son spend time alone he receives All the attention he needs or wants. However before and after school and bedtime Are some of the busiest times in any household. There Are Many elements competing for your attention a brother sister meal preparation the phone and dad to name a few. 1 at these times your son May have unconsciously discovered he must Quot up the Ante Quot to Force recognition. Try a Little test. One afternoon when you and your son Are Home alone Start a project that cannot be interrupted. Before beginning let your Little boy know you a will be preoccupied for a while. When his attempts to interact Are frustrated what does he do if he reverts to Many of the Behaviours you see during More difficult periods of the Day you will know that the problem lies in waiting or sharing attention. It is quite possible that your son has Learned that if he does no to respond Well to dad mom comes Back into the picture. Once again your son gets what he wants a momus attention to change this behaviour try these suggestions a present a United front. The problem lies neither with mom nor dad. Your son has simply Learned How to gain the attention he needs. By identifying the problem in a different manner you and your husband can define a new plan of action. A select one problem to work on. At another time of Day talk about the morning routine with your son. Define what he needs to do and Tell him that the first time he wakes up washes up gets dressed and arrives at breakfast without a fuss he will earn a Star on his Chart and a grab from your grab bag. A be generous with Praise. When your son responds appropriately or follows directions let him know you approve. A a support dad As he interacts with your son but Don t take Over. Also make arrangements so that dads 1 interactions with his san done to just involve daily chores. A done to be completely accessible. When your son Waits for you to finish a task let him know How pleased you Are. Help him to plan what he will do during the times you Are Busy. Parenting is written by at Antans Marianne Daniels Garber an educational consultant Stephen w. Garber a clinical psychologist and Robyn Freedman Spizman an author of books on educating and motivating children. Readers action line overcoming a bar to re enlistment it 1 am writing you with a problem i cannot solve. I have been through my Chain of command. It concerns a bar to re enlistment imposed against me on oct. 6, 1990. It was for poor Job performance due to problems that i was having at the time. A Short time after that i got my problems taken care of and overcame everything that i was barred for. I started asking when the bar was going to be lifted and was told i would have to wait and see. Then i was told by my platoon sergeant that it was not going to be recommended it be listed because he still Felt that i let my personal problems affect me too much a such things As taking my wife to her monthly doctor appointments at a Hospital about 85 Kilometres away about five Days before my unit went to the Field my platoon sergeant said he talked with my immediate supervisor and decided to recommend that the bar be lifted. We then spoke with the troop commander and he requested that the bar be lifted. I went to re enlist and was told that i had to wait to see what the Squadron commander had to say he denied the lifting of the bar i went through the regulation 601-280, chapter 6, and found out that i was supposed to be counselled but was t on a a form 4856 during my six month interview which was right before the unit went to the Field i cannot see How a bar can be used when someone corrects the deficiencies i thought that a bar was supposed to be used As a rehabilitative tool not to put someone out of the military. Maybe it has something to do with the troop strength reductions. Spec. Robert Cotton Mannheim Germany master sgt. Marshall b. Wichern senior retention operations no Usa eur retention Branch replies you stated that you have a local bar to re enlistment that was irl posed oct. 6, 1990. As of april 22, your Squadron commander would not lift the parterre enlistment. The decision to not lift the bar to re enlistment constitutes a review of the bar. You Are Correct in stating that bars to re enlistment Are used As rehabilitative tools a 601-280, chapter 6. Commanders have the discretion to lift a bar to reenlistment when the circumstances which led to imposition of the bar have been overcome. Additionally commanders have the prerogative to keep a bar in place even though the circumstances leading to the bar have been overcome for the purpose of additional observation. These observation periods Are reviewed by the immediate commander at six month intervals. Bars to re enlistment Are not to be used As a Means to put soldiers out of the army.  have been published for this purpose. It is suggested that you continue to do the Best work possible for your supervisors and commanders. Showing a consistent pattern of excellence Over an extended period of time will help in overcoming your bar to reenlistment. A Lack of vegetables at Torrejon cafeteria of the Torrejon Exchange cafeteria Oteis a very sad selection of vegetables. So much so that All one seems to see on customers plates is hamburgers hot dogs and roast pork Chicken and Lamb. This contradicts the recommendations made by the american heart and cancer associations about reducing animal produce intake there is no salad Buffet Only cellophane wrapped Viz Pound a salads Quot actually two lettuce leaves and one ounce of grated Carrot for $3.10. The current manager has restricted the Sale of baked potatoes to wednesdays. I have written on their excellence As chanted by All dieticians until i am Blue in the face. Miguel a. Rodriguez Torrejon a Spain in sgt. Maj. Michel j. Bolduc he cafes Europe a sergeant major replies its True we no longer offer a salad bar. We switched to the prepackaged salads a Little Over a year ago following the trend of the food Industry. Our prepackaged salads offer you a Good selection and Are More sanitary than the open salad bars of the past. You have four salads to select from a Side salad for $1.75 a Garden salad for $2.50 and chef and Chicken salads for $3. Aside from salads the steam table offers a minimum of two vegetables daily. Also the self service display Case has a daily selection of Low Tat yogurts Low fat milk fruit juices and one diet plate. We offer baked potatoes every Day except tuesdays and sometimes when the oven is used for other roasting needs. To write us readers action line is the readers Quot court of last resort striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or questions about policies and guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. Page 16 a the stars and stripes wednesday july 24, 1991