European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 26, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Today a wedding and the merging of pan and wife Dave Barry As wedding season approaches concerned Young brides to be arc constantly stopping me sometimes by leaping in front of my car and saying Quot Dave my family does not have a lot of Money but i want to have a Nice wedding. What can 1 do Quot i Tell these brides to by even though Money is Light you can still have a wonderful wedding if you just sit Down with your family and have a heart to heart talk about what a wedding is really All about things like commitment and caring and Trust. Then you should Rob a siring of convenience stores. Your goal is to obtain enough Money to have a major Godf Alicr Stylc wedding which is necessary to provide you with All the essential gifts you need to set up your new household. You la find All of these items advertised in the 156-Pound bridal magazines now collapsing the steel shelves of Newsstands everywhere. These magazines contain helpful articles for brides Quot grooms should you have one Quot and hundreds of full Page Glossy color advertisements. The message is that properly equipping a modern newly wed household is comparable in terms of total hardware requirements to operation desert storm except that desert storm did not require both formal and casual tanks. Consider just your Kitchen and dining gift needs. I have Here the april May Issue of brides Magazine which has a wedding registry checklist that includes. Among other things. 21 categories of dinner Ware 22 categories of flatware 17 categories of glassware not to be confused with the 10 cat Agoris of bar arc24 categories of serving Piccus Hollo Ware and 34 categories of kitchenware. I cannot overemphasize to you brides to be How essential it is for a household to have every single one of these wares. My wife and i have been married 17 years and hardly a Day goes by in our household when we done to have a conversation like this me dear where arc the Lemon Forks 7 my wife formal or casual me casual. I wish to probe a boil while watching american gladiators. My wife they arc with the demitasse spoons behind the Finger bowls and the compote. Me what is a compote my wife i have no idea but i cannot imagine setting up a household without one. So you must have a Large wedding. And you must quit your Job immediately so you can plan it. Planning a wedding properly lakes longer than medical school because the stakes Are higher. If a doctor is trained improperly the worst he or she can do is kill people whereas an improperly planned wedding could result in a real disaster such As the one that occurred at a recent wedding attended by a Friend of mine named Cindy Scip who swears this is True everything went Fine until it was time for the cutting of the cake. The problem was there was no cake. A catering worker had dropped it earlier and in Cindy swords a it  so the caterer had substituted a fake wedding cake apparently a display Model made out of a hard plaster like substance. The caterers idea was that the Bride and Groom would just pretend to Cut it for the photos and then the guests would be served some other cake. When the Groom found out about this he became angry and started arguing with the caterer. Meanwhile the master of ceremonies unaware of what was going on was announcing that it was time for everybody to watch the Happy couple Cut the cake. So All the guests turned and looked just in time to see the Groom pick up the fake cake shout some bad words and throw the cake at the caterer. Would t that be a fun reception ice breaker a g maybe the cake throw should become a Standard wedding tradition like throwing Rice or making the bridesmaids Wear pastel yellow dresses that make them look like giant easter Candy chickens. Speaking of traditions the april May Issue of modern Bride Magazine has an article tilled Quot wedding superstitions Quot which contains i swear the following statement Quot an old scottish belief for Good Fortune a Bride should be met at the door after the wedding by her Mother who must then break a currant Bun Over her daughters  i believe that this tradition sums up the very essence of the modern wedding. I would add Only that if the Mother has no currant Bun she May according to miss manners use a compote. The Miami Herald . Military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman to in l a i. I., v a Page 28 a sunday april 26. 1992