European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 1, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voice pregnancy aside the world is bloated with sex Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in you know just when you think you re getting your positive mental attitude together along comes this newspaper article that says �?o100 million sex acts daily get 910,000 women in a not kidding. The world health organization computed out the exact amount of aardvark ing going on in bedrooms around the world. Of course it All be in bedrooms. Some of it would be in igloos grass huts Trees dungeons Hospital waiting rooms air planes and some of those tribes in Papua new Guinea just Flop Over Buck no kid in the grass. Now that i think of it Eddie Savisky used to Flop Over Buck Nek kid in the grass in fifth Grade but i done to think he Ever got anybody pregnant doing it. Anyhow 100 million daily sex acts. That a eight zeros. This is depressing. Its especially depressing when you realize there were 100 million women out there yesterday who would have sex but would not have it with me. And do the same Gold urn thing today and tomorrow and the Day after that. Who wanted to do this report anyway Why done to you just Send me a letter that says a you have now not had sex 174 billion times when everybody else had it. Here Are a few of the ways they had sex places they had sex and things they talked about while they were having sex while Yon were not having sex. A they have All these statistics about a How Many women got pregnant How Many used birth control a but they done to have anything you can use for effective social change. For example they did no to find out How Many women had sex yesterday but did no to like it and so today they a like to have sex with somebody else. They did no to find out How Many ugly men had sex with Beautiful women or Vicey Vescy which if we knew it would allow us to figure out the Odds in singles bars. Also when they say 100 million sex acts some of those people could have done it More than once. They got people Over in Russia up in the mountains who make the sign of the Fin tailed wombat 17, is times a Day. So if you were including those people in your Survey. No on second thought i Don t Wanna know about that. Also what Are these people eating if it s the Golding world health organization should t they be finding out if these people Are drinking a lot of lactating Lime juice or something but the most amazing part of the whole thing to me is that figure of Only 910,000 getting pregnant every Day. Back in my Hometown out in Kran away county Texas every girl got pregnant at least 1-times by the time she was 30. Its not like it s hard or anything. Guys who pass the employment test at pizza hut had 14 kids. Its not that people arc using condoms either. They got stats on that. So my question to the world health organization would be a Are you sure this was sex you witnessed. Maybe there were just a whole lot of people playing twister last i sure Hope so. Some things you read and it s just Kinda hard to go on. Speaking of weird twisted statistics have to tired How Many rednecks Are in the movies t use Days hundreds and thousands and millions of deranged swamp swelling nose pickers Craw Ina up of of the Pincy Woods muck to pounce on whoever wanders by from the City. In be been Reading a great Book called men women and chainsaws by a Berkeley professor named Carol Clover and she believes that rednecks have actually replaced indians As the minority Hollywood loves to hate. The rednecks even behave like redskins whooping hollering surrounding the Good Guys from the East threatening the Nice women with rape. And some of Mem like in the movie in a Gonna review today even carry Bow and Arrow so they can silently pick off the City slickers one by one. Blood games is a movie people have been telling me about for a couple of years now but i Only just now got around to finding it. And i have to agree its one of the Best revenge flicks Ever made. Its actually a double revenge flick where the Beer Swilling yokels arc taking revenge on a team of suburban girls in hot pants and where the girls arc taking revenge on All the Yahoo men who have clobbered on Mem All through the years. I done to Wanna give it away but. Its amazing. Sixteen dead bodies. Sixteen breasts. Excellent motor vehicle Chase. Shower scene. Crossbow through the Back. Fistfight. Baseball Bat bashing. Arm wrestling. Hanging. Lingerie ransacking. Toilet dunking. Elbow in face. Softball to the privates. Drive in Academy award nominations for Luke Shay a sort of demonic Richard Farnsworth As the local Rich Guy who says a you disappointed me today Sony and a a there a no such thing As pain Shelley Abblitt As the determined blonde who says �?o1 have been pushed around my whole life by men and in a sick of it Laura Albert As the Jamie Lee Curtis Type screamer and Tanya Rosenberg the director for the most carefully made revenge flick of the last 20 years. Four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over communism the Midway drive in in Minetto n.y., located Halfway Between Oswego and Fulton on state route 48, is going Strong after 44 years thanks to owners John and Judy Nagl Schmidt who started working at the drive in in 1961, when they were both teen agers and then bought it in 1987. Mike Deangelo of Syracuse reminds us that with eternal vigilance the drive in will never die. Joe Bob your column is childish ridiculous and usually has no basis in reality. You write like an eighth grader about stuff that Only people with fifth Grade mentalities would be interested in. Please Send me your newsletter As soon As possible. Steve Hufford . Navy Naples Italy dear Steve but in a learning to keep my writing Between the lines. Dear Joe Bob in be been Reading Yout column and thought it was great. Now this weeks topic a Laws of education Quot takes the cake As i am an educator and also have a business concerning education. I quit a doctoral program for some of the same reasons you mentioned. Maybe ill go Back in 15 or 20 years when they finally figure out what they re doing and can recognize honesty and curiosity in a person instead of like now when they just want to clone More people like themselves a bureaucratic and self serving. Well so much for my bitterness. By the Way i facilitate the education of gifted High school kids so i do know what weird is a and i like it. Stephany Hughes Shawnee Mission Kan. Dear Stephany i get along with the a a gifted kids and 1 get along with the retarded kids. Neither group seems too concerned with Money or Success. It s All the ones in the Middle that done to get can sure cast questions even if not votes Linda Ellerbee Gerald Ford creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning o ire with Joe Bob. Of to get Hoe junk in the mail and Joe Bob s to id famous newsletter wite Job Bob Boggs. P o to 2002, dais As to 7s221 Joe Bob s a lire is a ays open. 214 368 2310 Thomas Jefferson said every generation has a right to choose for itself the form of government it a cliches will promote its own happiness and that a True but never by fore has a generation become engaged in the choosing process quite so Early or needed to. Have you noticed How much kids know about this election have you heard the variety of their thoughts on the matter recently i worked on a television show about the presidency for kids Ages 8 to 14. The idea of the program was simple. We would Tell kids about the three men who were running for the office and a dozen kids would put questions to a Man who a already had the Job former president Gerald Ford. We would we said to one another keep everything elementary. These were after All children. Then we went out to schools and Parks and talked to some. Amazing. Maybe they weren to sophisticated politically but they were involved and knew much More than id expected. They knew who was running if not Why. Most had opinions about the candidates and if Many of those opinions came straight from their parents certainly not All of them did. They had thoughts about the process a they said it was important to vote a and a great number of them had caught on to the us four of too much of this Campaign. I remember being asked Why candidates talked Nasty about one another. I remember hearing six or seven kids chanting Over and Over a read my lips no new taxes a then breaking out in derisive giggles. Most of All they wanted to talk about issues. When we asked what questions they had for Ford they said they wanted to know what head do if he were running about the Economy. They wanted to know what he thought could be done for homeless people and whether the planet was going to be spoiled by the time they grew up. They wanted to know How child abuse might be stopped. Clearly what they really wanted was a Chance to question Bush Clinton and Perot and they saw nothing Odd in that nor did they wimp out when the cameras were rolling and 12 of them were knee to knee and face to face with Ford the first question from an a year old boy a a what a it like to hold the Fate of the nation in your hands a they asked Ford if you had to be smart to be president. They asked if you had to be Rich. They wanted to know if head gotten Good grades in school and if head been popular. They asked him Why kids vote. I help but feel a Little sorry for the Man when a 12-year-old girl who a come to talk issues and would not be deterred under any circumstances insisted Ford Tell her please just exactly w Here he stood on a woman a right to choose. features Syndicate november 1. 1992 j unday Page 21
