European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 1, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse F words amp wit stay awake or you May be sentenced to nightmares James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art cd w be learn from Horace a said Byron a a that Homer sometimes if Homer came Back to life in 1992, the epic poet would find plenty of company. All kinds of people who know better arc making All kinds of errors. A few months ago the cartoonists had great fun Over vice president Dan Quayle a problem with the spelling of for some reason the Media barely acknowledged a far More egregious Blunder by democratic nominee Bill Clinton at his party a National convention. In accepting the nomination Clinton said his Mother a held our family my brother and i together through Tough the governor has persistent problems in this regard. At a Campaign Stop in St. Louis he asked to Quot give Al Gore and 1 a Chance to bring America ask ask and All that there. In july rep. Los Aucoin of Oregon followed right along in these democratic footsteps. He wrote a constituent in Beaverton Quot you can rest assured that Many of my colleagues and me Are determined to resist any administration proposal that could jeopardize the future of the social Security the writer who wants to avoid such embarrassments should take two precautions. The first is to develop a Strong intuitive sense that something in a sentence May be wrong a grammar spelling punctuation an unchecked factual statement. The second is to lift extraneous material from a sentence and look at the essentials. Thus Clinton could have avoided reproof by stripping that sentence Down to Quot my Mother held no Wayl in St. Louis he would not have asked the voters to Quot give i a Aucoin would not have said that a Unic am writers for daily newspapers a and even politicians a May be forgiven for errors under deadline pressure. It is not so easy to forgive writers who have time to get things right. The new York times the great Gray Eminence of journalism is having its problems with writers who doze off. This is out of character for the times. Its High standards were set by the late Theodore Bernstein one of the country Sall time great copy editors. These Days he May be spinning in his grave. What would Bernstein have said of this paragraph in match take a breath. Quot the reason Hemingway came to Toronto his closest Friend on the Star Motley Callaghan a Canadian novelist recounted in his Memoir that summer in Paris was because Hemingway a wife the former Hadley Richardson was having a baby a and he had heard that Toronto doctors were very a a nodder in the times Washington Bureau reported that sen. Tom Harkin would speak at "10 . Tuesday night a which sounded More promising than a senatorial speech at 10 . Tuesday night. In july the times covered the announcement that Tina Brown would become editor of the new yorker. Said the time woman on the Story Quot the news spread like now there san original red hot simile for you. Has the times Given its Benediction to Quot snuck evidently so for the times correspondent in Gulfport miss., covered a murder trial involving 17-year-old Shannon Garrison. We Learned that after the killing a witness said Shannon and her sister a snuck out of the i know All the current dictionaries Sanction a a snuck As an alternative to sneak but Only in informal speech or writing. The new american heritage dictionary notes that Quot sneaked is favored 7-2 in an analysis of 10,000 citations. My own thought is that a a snuck is beneath the dignity of the Good Gray times. Universal press syndicates Book uncovers Madonna what a left not much Tony k0rnhe1ser Page after Page of naked Madonna. Its a Large Book a Coffee table Book. Though i done to know whose Coffee table. Gennifer Flowers maybe. I have these naked Madonna pictures and the naked pictures of Madonna from vanity fair and of course i am comparing them with the naked pictures of Madonna from Playboy Penthouse Vogue go sports illustrated the new Republic and the Ace hardware and in the sunday paper. Quot what Day think Honey do we need a new Lawn Mower a Quot i saw a Nice Toro right next to the naked picture of Madonna putting up a Cyclone Quot that Little Vixen is she do it you selfing again a i know of no one in America who has t seen Madonna naked. Maybe Admiral Stockdale. Most people Are Content to simply smile for the camera. Madonna takes her shirt off. Madonna a breasts have become As much a part of american daily life As an. Egg Mcruffin. Done to you remember in the movie a league of their own when Madonna is worried that her bosoms will come flying out of her uniform and a teammate says Quot who Hasni to seen your bosoms Quot i have this dream in which i am tied Down he Mem maybe there a a Book in this for me and forced to watch endless episodes of entertainment tonight and i begin screaming Quot ill Tell you anything. Just Don t show me Madonna a breasts again a now we have this Book sex with its minimalist sweaty text written i assume by a College freshman with an adrenal problem. The pictures Are very staged very cold. The Book costs s50 it comes with an aluminium cover so if you buy a lot of them you can build a Carport in six months they wont go to paperback have a tin foil edition and its Selling like wild. So much for family values. I have a confession to make. Its a very explicit very sadomasochistic Book. Done to laugh but in a lot of the pictures i did no to know what they were doing. I was leafing through it with two women one gave this capsule review Quot cheap a but not cheap enough and i would get to a confusing picture like a Guy in leather pants drinking from a shoe and id ask Quot what a going on in this picture a it was embarrassing. I m so far out of the Loop its a wonder 1 done to run into George Bush. Seriously does everybody Wear nipple rings by the Way 1,000 people have borrowed the Book from me in the last Day and a half and not one of them has mentioned the text. Men is this the Way a literate nation treats its first time authors personally in a pretty disappointed in the Book there a not a recipe or a helpful household hint in it. Not a single thing with vegetables. How can you write a Book in the �?T90s and not include vegetables a what can she do next a my Friend Rita asked. A Good question. We be seen her in three distinct stages now furry Fleshy and firm. We be seen her go from lace bras to multiple crucifixes to bustiers. Quot we be seen everything she has Quot Rita said. Quot what la she put in her next Book her a rays a Madonna pumps Gas naked. She hitches a ride naked. She eats pizza naked. What she had a traumatic experience with a Turtleneck can you imagine being married to Madonna Quot company a coming in 10 minutes. A Honey you re not serving dinner naked again Are you a in a told the pictures represent Madonna a fantasies. I done to have her fantasies. I have two Small children. My fantasy is that go to sleep by 8 . And i can have some peace and quiet. Madonna wants to pump Gas nude. I done to want to Madonna on a seepage. Do that. That a Why i go to full serve. Madonna wants to have sex with a dog. She should have gone to my College Guys Don t think that Way. Guys want to play Frisbee with dogs. Guys want to have sex with sheep. Madonna wants to have sex with Bald tattooed women. I done to. Really i done to. There is a picture in the Book of two waiters Riding like cowboys on top of a pack of naked men wearing dog collars. Maybe that a Madonna a fantasy about waiters. Its not mine. My waiter fantasy is that just once ill get a waiter who la shut up and bring me a drink without telling me his name Quot i my name is Bruno and ill be your waiter this evening,., career goals and How tenderly the chef has poached the mahi maj. Madonna has Many pictures of her having sex in shoes. Hie Book May not be really sexy but it s an accessorizing dream men Are kissing her shoes. Women Are pawing her shoes. I have a fantasy about shoes too. J want to find a pair that Don t Hurt. But i done to want to have sex with Thom can. I used to fantasize about having sex with Madonna. After Reading her Book i done to anymore. Its too crowded in there. Creators Syndicate Page 24 a sunday november 1. 1992
