European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Now the liberals Are the ones with Security William Safire on language cd dealers Back in the 30s, had a lock on the word Security. If any phrase exemplified the yearning of the nation in the depression it was social Security. On the International scene liberals who were then interventionist touted wilsonian collective Security. In another sense of the word these purities and Exchange commission was formed to guard against the predators of Wall Street. At the end of that decade the conservatives began taking the word Back internal Security became the phrase to define the defense against communist penetration. In the Eisenhower years nationals ecu Rit became of great concern and the president was Given a National Security adviser. For a Long Genera Tion Security connoted National defense and was a hot Button word of eighties. The left is now taking the word Back. Israel slab or prime minister Yitzhak Rabin in the Light of widespread worry about the knife attacks of the info Fada began balancing National Security with a need for personal Security it was a Way to Lay the ground work for an accommodation with local palestinians and ultimately with the Plo. Personal Security was a phrase making it in the United states too its use at first dominated by Law and order advocates who wanted a crackdown on criminals threatening people on the streets. Of late however and from the bully pulpit of the Whitehouse the term has been broadened and appropriated by liberals. The press Secretary Dee Dee Myers whose firs name is Margaret but the White House is an informal place these Day responded to a question about president Clinton s broadened use of personal Secu Rity in speeches. This is an outgrowth of earlier speeches where the president talked about personal Security she said whether it s health Security or Freedom from fear of crime or knowing that you have a Good Job in an Economy that s  thus Clinton is using personal Security As an umbrella term for Confidence in police Protection tothe end of worry about medical costs to bring what s i called health Security Complete with a health Security card and for the economic optimism Long known As financial Security. Whole nine Yard Frank Gifford the nation s preeminent you could Hyphenate pre eminent in Case it looks like a combi nation of preening and permanent sportscaster has a new Book out titled the whole ten Yards written with Harry  s an old buddy and his Book is a Hoot the latest sense of Hoot is defined As something or someone amusing in the up to the minute Mem am Webster s 10th collegiate but i hasten to War readers that the title while memorable May contrib Ute to a widespread misapprehension. The whole nine Yards the expression on which the former football Star s Catchy Book title is based has nothing to do with football. Construction workers insist and i agree uht hem that the phrase comes from the cubic Content of the Large revolving Cylinder that mixes Cement and Sand to make  Job that requires a full truckload Calls for the whole nine Yards. People who know Standard measurements say that cubic contents Are measured in feet not Yards but go Tell that to the Guy in the truck hell pour a Small Load All Over your feet. Why live in sizzling California they must be dreaming Tony Kornheiser All the leaves Are Brown and the sky is soot. Went searching for my poodle could Only find his foot. Should have killed the agent who sold me on l. A. California s burning melting my Toupee. Why would anybody live there every fall the Santa Ana winds blow in and there s fire All Over sweeping through the Hills an torching million Dollar Homes like birthday cake candles. As i write this they had not yet located the arsonists who caused the tragic fire. No mrs. O Leary s cow explanation has emerged. But i will not be surprised if it turns out to be Michael Jack son s Giraffe every Spring los Angeles gets terrible rain an the rain leads to mudslides and million Dollar Homes somersault Down the Canyon like Slinky toys. And then there Are the earthquakes which rip open the ground and you see million Dollar Homes swallowed up like Raisin ettes. Then you tune in the7 o clock news and some Guy is talking about How terrible it is in la. He is wearing a Gas mask be cause of the smog. So you wonder Why people Don t simply get i their cars and leave la. And then you remember traffic is always at a standstill in . People spend their whole lives in cars there. They brag that every thing you could Ever want is an hour away mountains beaches deserts they re Only an hour  that s by plane. By car two Miles is an hour away. Traffic never moves. That s Why people have so much equipment in their cars. Cd faxes cellular telephones answering machines microwave ovens salad bars. Some cars Are equipped with pay phones you can get out of your car on the freeway and make phone Call from somebody else s car and every car has Only one passenger. The Hov lanes in  for cars with two people. They think two people is a carpool. It does t even have to be two people Itcan be the Driver and a Large Cactus just some thing that looks like a second person. But being in a car in . Is terrifying because either somebody in a gang will drive by and shoot you or the land will pull you Over and beat you or a rioting mob will drag you from your car and smack you in the face with a Brick. These things Are Legal in la. -. So Why do people keep moving there i mean besides cosmetic surgeons. La. To them is Fertile ground. It s like the Owca to Bob Packwood i be narrowed the reasons Down to the following list 1, babes in spandex. 2. Double chocolate decaf cappuccino. Face it the people there Are just too Beautiful. And too hip. I once saw a homeless Man on the Side of the Santa Monica freeway with a sign that said will consult on a sequel to the seventh sea for  that s too hip you look at what s happening out there All this horrible stuff month after month and you wonder Why they deserve this. For making who s the Boss i Don t want to sound callous. It s terrible when anyone s Home Burns Down or crashes Down a can Yon. But if it in to happen. Who better for it to happen to than Sean Penn How about sly Stallone ? of you got me there. Wait. What about Rob Lowe Larry Hagman Kim Asinger Tom and Roseanne Madonna John Mcenroe Bruce Willis sorry i will not dignify with comment this sort of promiscuous scattershot character assassination. Except to note that no i would not strenuously object if we All got behind the fire and fanned it toward Bruce Willis House is it possible that this is some kind of biblical what s so hot about Brace Willis Columbia comeuppance is it possible that god looked Dowland he saw this Babylon this gomorrah this Immor Al corrupt place and he tried to warn the people to mend their ways he sent Down earthquakes and mudslides an smog and drive by shootings and still Aaron spelling kept making his hideous to shows. Nobody heeded the warnings so this time he took out Malibu. Some people think we re seeing the hours d oeuvre before the apocalypse when the big Guy caves in the whole coast starting at Marina Del Rey an going Inland right through Shannon Doherty s House. All i can say is when it happens i Hope i not out there cutting a movie Deal. California Here i come Sun and babes and lots of fun. There s fires and mudslides smog everywhere. There s drive Bys and earthquakes and everybody dyes their hair. I be met this girl who s really Nice Ever hear of Heidi Fleiss so get me land in Mal i by California i love you. The Washington Post Page 24 sunday november 14, 1993