European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 16, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Tuesday november 16, 1993 11 year old s sex life worries mom dear Ann Landers my problem concerns my 11-year-old daughter. Carrie has always gotten Good grades in school and is generally very Well behaved. She is attractive and popu Lar with her classmates. The problem started last Spring when she began see ing a 15-year-old toy. After number of months 1 found Evi Dence that she is having sex apparently Safe with this boy. Although i consider myself open minded i have some difficulty with preteen sex. Unfortunately Carrie appears to be developing an attitude problem and i m confused about what Steps to take if any. I Don t want her to think i am Carrie is now in sixth Grad and very Independent. I m not sure it would be a Good idea to confront her with 1heevidence and insist that she abstain from sex until she is More mature. I Don t want to ruin Bur Good relation ship. What do you think concerned mom in Providence mom your 11-year-old daughter is having sex and you Are reluctant to confront her because you Don t want to ruin your relationship woman Are you out of your mind to begin with an it year old should not be dating. Permitting her to go with a 15-year-old boy strikes me As Ann Landers contributing to the delinquency of a minor. You need to get sonic counselling and so docs your daughter. \ dear Ann Landers you recently a tinted a letter from playing second fiddle to a ghost who complained that her husband was continuing a relationship with his former in Laws. I want to share with you my wonderful experience. My first husband died when my children were 7,8 and 9. His Mother was is and will always be my Ideal. Naturally i continued our relationship. She lost a son. I lost a Hus band. My children lost a father. We needed one another. Ten years later i met a wonderful Man. It was my Mother in Law who urged me to marry him and make a new life for myself which i did. When we were dating this Man wondered about my close relationship with my Mother in Law. All i could say was when you get to know her better you will he now loves her As he would his own Mother an would do anything for her. She is 86 now and last Winter was sick for the first time in her life. My husband worried about her As much As i did. If playing. Second fiddle gives it a Chance she might enjoy a wonderful relationship like the one i have. Her husband s in Laws Are part of him. His past is part of him. She is part of him. There need be no Competition. Becky s her name Westwood mass utters to Ann Landers should be addressed to her at . Bon 11562, Chi Cago in. 60611-0562. C creator syn Teate jilted woman gives affair warning dear Abby this is a painful letter for me to write but i have to Tell year ago i met a wonderful Man who had been separated from his wife for six months. Our relation ship turned into a love like i had never known before. I had been a housewife an Mother for 15 years but All i could think of was this Man so i left my husband got a Job and began planning a future with my new love who said he wanted to marry me. Well one week before his divorce was to be final he called to Tell me that he still loved his wife and was going Back to her that night. I Haven t seen or heard from him since. I was to tally devastated and did t want to go on living. I could t eat or sleep and ended up physically ill. I Felt i had nothing to live for but i m now trying to pull myself Back together. Thanks for listening. Learned the hard Way dear Learned your letter reinforces an important lesson an affair with a married person is risky business and there Are dear Abby always injured parties. Dear Abby Hooray for your response to nervous in Newyork the person who was worried about condoms in schools. I agree completely if kids think they Are ready to have sex they Are going to do it. If a Parent or guardian tells them they can to it Only makes them More determined. I firmly believe that handing put condoms by request with instructions on their use is helping. By instructing and providing we Are saving these kids fro disease and from unwanted pregnancies. Abstinence is the Best Way. But most people kids Don t know that until it s too late Bee there i Tacoma Wash age21 dear been there i agree. Teaching abstinence the Best Way but that which is taught is not always Learned. Parents teach ers preachers and health professionals can talk until doomsday about the temptations of the flesh but when the hormones Are raging and the Opportunity pre sents itself it s easy to forget the lecture. Utters for this column should be addressed to dear Abby at . Boi 447.mount Morris. I. 6t054. 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