European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 21, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Miss Judi Kmartin dear Mitt mannered a Friend of mine regularly receives theater tickets from her employer and in vites friends to attend with her and her spouse. How Ever on More than one occasion they have called at the last minute to advise that the invitation is off be cause they have found a More desirable social function for that evening. When one Friend mentioned that she was a bit Putoff by urn the couple s astonished response was Why would you be mad when you Aren t even pay ing for he tickets while we enjoy this couple s company and appreciate being asked to be their guests i am having difficulty recognizing As acceptable the premise that a invitation stands Only unless something or someone better comes readers miss manners is having worse difficulty with people who see Money As the Only fac Tor in life even in social life. Does having a planned evening ruined or being told that something More important than one s company has come up not count As Long As one is not actually out of pocket if these people wanted lobe polite As Well As Gen Erous they would offer the tickets saying at the time of the invitation 1 we re not sure if we will be Able to join you but anyway we Hope you enjoy the miss Mannera our Circle of friends has been shrinking considerably in the last few years be cause of retirements moves to warmer climates ill Nesses and their natural progressions As Well As Apa it is understandable that whenever the Opportunity arises we want to spend time with particular couple who come to this area for Only a few weeks have a divorced daughter of 40-somcthing who almost always tags along with her parents whether invited or not. If she were a Good conversationalist the hosts might occasionally Overlook the inconvenience of an extra guest at dinner. But even a simple Outing pre sents a problem because of today s smaller cars. How can one discourage this sort of thing without hurting feelings All around the parents seem to be unaware of the strained situation. Sent be Reader miss manners was regarding the situation the sad if inevitable shrinking of a Long standing social Circle As people grow older Townes Usa i. I i. 1 c 1993. Caf Soonim i Wal a synd Sali with a touch of sympathetic melancholy until she realized what Yon were asking. You want to shrink it even is what will happen if you drive away the daughter of your friends. She obviously spends those few weeks with them and must be regarded As part of their social unit Brilliant conversationalist or not. As she is an adult they Are unlikely to accept an suggestion that she be discharged As a guest even if there were a polite Way to put it which mis Man ners doubts. That business about her talk and about the hardships of an extra plate at dinner or squeezing into an automobile is not charming however True it May be. Dear mlee Man a at an afternoon wedding in a Catholic Church followed by a reception in the banquet room of a nearby hotel Many of the guest were dressed casualty almost As if attending the wedding had been an afterthought during a Quick aunt to the Corner store. The Bride wore a traditional full length White gown with veil and the Groom a handsome Tuxedo. The attendants were also formally attired. 1 wore a slightly below knee length solid co Ordress with a lace Collar wrist length gloves and a hat Matching the dress a simple but Dressy hat with netting in the front and a subdued flourish of a Bow in the Back. Is this incorrect it was not a baseball Cap nor was it an elaborate headdress. Yet just before the ceremony began the sister of the Groom got her husband s attention and pointed at me ridiculing me in a loud stage whisper for wearing the hat. My own family had seen me dressed for the wed Ding and thought i looked appropriate and attractive. But none of us attends weddings often and iwas the Only Geshn a hat. Was it inappropriate for me to Wear it v gentle Reader is it appropriate to take Eti Quette instruction from people who laugh and Point at their family s guests to ridicule their attire and right before Reading the Bible which is an especially Nice touch. People Are forever pointing out to miss manners to the Point of tedium that proper dress is not inevitably symbolic of a Good heart that those who dress inappropriately May do so out of ignorance or poverty. So she is gratified to hear of an instance where the lines Are so clearly drawn. You were dressed properly and you behaved prop Erly even to the cold stare which is the polite per son s Way of responding to that sort of insult. An they were dressed atrociously and behaved atrociously United feature Syndicate Inco fact a
