European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 24, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Words & wit an expression trying to find the right Way William Safire 44 on language e be come a ways in journal ism too i wrote recently. My meaning was that we be come pretty far but not too far had i meant to say we had come really far i would have written a Long Way with the Way singular As in the Virginia slims slogan you be come a Long Way Why then did it seem More natural to write the unmodified Way As ways maybe because we be come a Way would be confused with we be come away with its different meaning of we be left our or maybe i wanted to pull a Little mail Why not we be come a Way " wrote the easily ensnared Joe Vesely of Deerfield mass. I have a Friend who often says anyways and it jolts me slightly As i feel she should be saying anyway in on the other hand the Capo i gotcha Louis Jay Herman of new York writes your use of a ways will of course incur the Wrath of a Bevy of school arms who will re pretend you for not knowing the difference Between singular and a Bevy of cowgirls according to the country Singer Emmylou Harris agrees with the colloquial usage i know the finish line s in sight go the words to a 1993 Lainie Marsh song on her latest album. But i still have a ways to most usage books assume that a Way is the More common usage but linguistic geographers say it seems that a ways dating Back to 1588 in this sense May be More prevalent and May teach us about the roots of american English. The difference Between Way and ways has an interesting areal distribution says William Kretzschmar jr., of the University of Georgia. He carries on the work of the great word geographer Hans Kurath and serves As editor in chief of the linguistic Atlas of the Middle and South Atlantic states lamas. " Way occurs in a Long band from Richmond va., through Washington d.c., to Eastern Pennsylvania and Philadelphia to Southeastern new York including new York City says the Man from lamas pointing to a map showing additional pockets in Pittsburgh Albany n.y., and Syracuse n.y., As Well As on the Eastern Shore and in the Northern Shenan Doah Valley with a Mere scattering in the South. But the usage of ways As in a Little ways is heavy All throughout the lamas area up and Down the Eastern Seaboard and out toward the Midwest. For the lamas Survey ways is clearly the dominant form no matter what the handbooks May this pattern of difference suggests two things Abonit Way ways " Way was a feature in use Early in american English As suggested by its presence in the Eastern Pennsylvania new York dutch and Eastern Shore Rural relic areas says the linguistic Atlas maker and the Southern distribution originating from the old Plantation Center of today the form Way is a feature of the Large cities of the Atlantic corridor influenced by Philadelphia an Newyork. Think about that the distribution of dialect is not strictly regional but on occasion is Urban is. Rural Warner Bros. Emmylou Harris i still have a ways o within a Region. You knew that City folks speak funny wherever they come from anyways a South Ern and South Midland dialect form of anyway Simi Lar to the jocular anyhow As a variant of anyhow the linguistic Atlas makers have come a ways in studying regional English though they have a Long Way to go. Keep at it lamas Way to go. Newyork times lawns and planting seeds of stupidity. I j Tony Kornheiser hat is it with men and their obsession about lawns my smart Friend Martha wondered. All week she has watched her Beau agonize Over his Lawn a 6-by-2 foot Patch of Earth Between the curb and the sidewalk in front of their town House. He s Roto tilled it and fertilized it and seeded and Weed whacked it. Can you believe this he bought a Weed a incl Herfor something that s smaller than the plot in which they re going to Bury him he s been out there on his Knees for Days trying to grow grass and All he gets Are these tiny threads like the hairs you get from Romaine. I feel so sad forhim.". It s a masculinity thing. A Man defines himself by his Lawn. A Good Strong Lawn equals a Good Strong Man. A bad weak Lawn equals you know ice Date ing. " you see the pictures in magazines All the time. Another Case of Greenis envy. A Guy with a scrawl Lawn looking jealously Over the Fence at a Guy in a thick Lawn. The caption ought to say is that a Rake in your pocket or do you use Miracle Gro a Lawn is the Only place around the House where a Man shows initiative my Friend Nancy complained. If they took the same initiative with the laundry or the Kitchen floor the world would be a fairer yeah and if Margaret Thatcher had a wheel on her rear she would be a unicycle. Growing a Lawn is simply prologue though for the continuing thrill of mowing the Lawn. At this time of year in the first explosive warmth after a hideous Winter a Lawn is hormonally supercharged and needs to be mowed every 72 hours. So like All men the problem i faced last week was which Way should i mow. / a option 1 a scythe that huge Crescent shaped thing actually used so far As i know Only by mister. Death. For some reason though they sell these things. I always vow i will get one put on a Black Bathrobe and scare the Dejesus out of the old Man Down the Street. Option 2. The old style manual mowers like the 6ne my father had with the Rusty Blades that can be sharpened by Only a tiny 90-year-old Man driving a wooden truck. The advantage to a push Mower is that it will put me in touch with my Lawn help me feel one with my Lawn and provide a Complete aerobic workout. The disadvantage is that i would expire Halfway through the first Cut and when the paramedics cart off my body they la Giggle and say what kind of Putz still uses a push Mower option 3 the Gas powered Mower. This is the most common Mower. You see it everywhere. It looks so easy even a Monkey could work it. Alas i can t. I am inordinately afraid of mechanical things. I am afraid that i will hang on to the ripcord too Long and the engine will kick in and yank the Cord Back and my Arm will Fly off at the shoulder stump and sail away like a helicopter Rotor into my neigh Bor s Yard and be eaten by his dog Woodman Jack. Option 4, the deluxe Riding Mower with the leather seat Windshield and cup Holder. The reason to use this Mower is that driving it has to be the coolest thing in the world. The reason not to is because my Lawn in t exactly the size of the 15th Hole at Augusta. I could not actually make a turn on my own prop erty. These things require the turning radius of a greyhound Strat Cruiser. I could fire that Motte up go in a straight line for about 9 feet until i Hil Edge of my property. Then i d get wedged in there and i d have to sell the Lawn a wer to someone what owns a helicopter and big Magnet. So chose option 5 1 went to the Bank with a Large Box had the Teller fill it with . Currency and i walked out into the Middle of my Street and flagged Down a truck with a sign that said Espert Laris Kaping and i gave the Driver a Man who had Muscles with Large Blue veins and foreign language tattoos All my Money and pleaded make me a Good Lawn be cause i am completely incompetent and if i have to do everything myself i will have nothing but weeds the size of Moose you Don t have a Green thumb he asked. Mister i got thumbs like fast Eddie Felson inthe so he put my Money in a Satchel and grunted. I Felt i had closed a canny Deal just like Donald Trump. came Back the next Day and put Hay on my front Lawn. This is to protect the grass seed he told me. Of Good i said. I was afraid you wanted to hold the Kentucky Derby then he surveyed my Lawn mentioned that maybe my kid ought to trim the Bushes and blew his nose on my crepe Myrtle tree. For this i gave him $11,000 and agreed to pay for All his children s orthodontics. I told my to producer Friend Annie about this wonderful Man who was to be my salvation and she laughed and laughed and said she would have Joy fully dumped Hay on my Lawn for $300 and thrown in a bag of charcoal. You fool he s the wizard Foz she said. If i Only had Abrain. Washington Post Page 22 sunday april 24, 1994
