European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 1, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss manners Judith Martin Pear miss manners i am progressive poll i Cally and honestly i Don t Harbor one conservative notion. But i Feci that sexuality is a spiritual private experience and though i feel passionately and have the same physical responses As any other woman i feel intensely private about this in the presence of anyone but my partner but except for my parents generation i am 28no one else seems to feel this Way. And even some older people Surprise me. My sister and brother take me aside to interrogate me and make sure there is nothing a a wrong with him. To my embarrassment and anger they have both ask whether i am orgasmic. Friends have used vulgarity to a a desensitized me by graphic and soulless displays of obscenity. Co work ers do the same thing. These Are intelligent people a teachers professors psychologists activists social workers officials lawyers  do not behave in an uptight Way. In a not partic. Ulary shy. I have a Good sense of humor. If no one dissects other things of profound Grace and Beauty in doing so they would malign the Why do peo pie feel compelled to talk about sex done to see people pinning their Gardener friends to the Wall saying a Why do you grow orchids a nor would they say to Brahms a Why Are you writing this tender music  you rat her write ugly music a i simply Don t get it and frankly Don t want to i feel like Nureyev at a mud wrestling contest. Gentle readers wow. Miss manners congratulates you on making a great stir Rizig speech Complete with politics spirituality psychology the arts and Romance with due attention Given to the elements of age intelligence and professional status just to Point out that people Are Nosy and vulgar and should mind their own business. A a. But they often done tas you have pointed out. Miss manners is pleased to hear that you refuse to cooperate with them. But she wishes you would spare yourself All that work of preparing a defense. Their bloated sense of superiority in which they have attempted to pass themselves off As sophistical de and dispensers  health deserves no. More than an indignant a i beg your Pardon a Fol. Lowed by a Chilly silence. Dear my manner when accepting an inv i Bond Nort Hanla England tation to. A party where guests Are asked to buy items such As Home decorating things baskets cosmetics is one obligated to make a Purchase i often feel merchandise is overpriced and not at All to my taste but i feel the hostess thinks i am rude if i done to make a Purchase to help her buy her Dis. Counted party gift. How should i handle these Par a ties Vav gentle Reader your dilemma is one reason that miss manners hates a a hates hates hates a such hybrid events. To in rate ones friends to a social event where they Are obviously ejected to participate commercially is unconscionable. It violates All the rules of hospitality. No doubt miss manners will soon be hearing from those who plead that they hold such events because they desperately need the Money and know for sure that their friends consider it a delightful Opportunity. A a a a the possibility that their friends they Are hardly guests when expected to be customers maybe equally strapped and like you consider it a Burden will not be mentioned. But miss manners has no wish to interfere with the pleasure and profit of those who love such occasions. Although you should not Feci obligated to buy anything she advises you since you Are hot one of them to decline any such invitations. Gear mis manner our uncomplicated life is about to change with the upcoming wedding of our daughter the men in the wedding Patty Groom Best Man Ushers have All chosen to Wear fancy tuxedos. Thesis Fine As they will be on display for one to two hours in the Church. / however As the father of the Bride and someone Many years older than the wedding party contend that i have an option on How to dress and a conservative suit is my Choice. This makes sense As my part in the ceremony is so Short lived my wife however wants to Force me into a to time do which i have never worn and would feel very uncomfortable in. I probably would not be Able to find a rental company to fit my unusually Large Frame. / what guidance can you give us /. Gentle Reader lots of guidance but no com fort at least not for you. Miss manners not Only agrees with your wife  finds your reasoning. A to be based on a mistaken premise. It is a common mistake to think of the bridal party As being in costume a a fancy dress in contrast to the conservative Ness of a business suit a justified Only because they Are a on  / but evening dress is not costume it is the conservative even staid Choice for an occasion As solemn and festive As a wedding. V -. A a a  United feature Syndicate a a a fooling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Blacker  Ink on Tilte writing paper to miss manners. . Box of Juzba Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through ttys column. Erma Bombeck Reisinger Zagreb Croatia in a doing a Atoy on dangerous  i had a dream the other night that i saw the last smoker on Earth. She was huddled on a ledge teetering 32 stories above the Street. She shared the spot with a Pigeon. The Pigeon pecked her on the Arm a adj nodded toward a a no smoking sign on the window behind them. What a difference a decade makes. Smokers have gone from a Bool confident and sophisticated part of Pur society who lighted up wherever they were and whenever they Felt like it to the �?T90s fugitives. We now have a cult of or. Richard Kimballs who sneak around dark corridors shielding their embers with a. Their bodies and holding their ashes in their hands. Neither Snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night deters them from their habit. They  desperate groups outside concert Halls hospitals airports and Public buildings. They cannot hide. There Are alarms everywhere to go off. The moment they exhale. They Are. Fast approaching the time when if they insist on smoking they will have to buy their own car or House to do it in. Nonsmokers who for years fought to breathe in a car full of smoke have emerged to take control. The Little a thank you for not smoking signs they timidly placed about the House but were never enforced now read Quot done to even think of smoking Here a Ait interesting poll was released recently from Usa today can and Gallup. A walloping 78 percent of the population said they feel sympathy toward smokers because they Are addicted and understand its difficult to Stop. They just done to want to inhale their secondhand smoke _. There is still 30 percent of the people who have no intention of quitting. A. A. Thirty years ago Bob Newhart did a comedy quote. Album called the Button Down mind of Bob new Hart. One of the sketches involved sir Walter ral High trying to introduce tobacco to this country via a phone conversation. Bob said a let me get this straight Walt. You want to make a product where you Roll tobacco up in a Little piece of paper con a tiled with laughter what do you do with it Walt let me guess. You stick it in your ear a Quot he should have Hung up. -1&Quot- Universal press Syndicate no kidding the Only president. 1 with no National debt a Andrew Jackson 2. To be Given a Patent a Abraham Lincoln 3. Pictured on Coke can a Jimmy Carter 4. To make own clothes a Andrew Johnson 5. To donate salary to Charity a Herbert Hoover 6. To never marry a James Buchanan his fianc6e killed herself animal abilities 1. Rat a can fait 5 stories without injury 2. Ostrich a can run As fast As Racehorse. 3. Dolphin a can stay underwater 7 minutes 4. Squirrel a can climb faster than it runs 5. Flamingo a can stand on 1 leg for 30 minutes �?�6. Love bugs a copulate nearly entire lives a. Quot world features Syndicate. A Page 12 sunday May 1,1994 t