European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 5, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Pages miss manners Judith Martin dear mias manners after i sent a gift Check to a newlywed couple paid to the order of a emr. And mrs. A Quot i was informed by the Mother of the Bride that i need to a get with the �?T90s.�?� brides do not take the name of their husbands any More she said. Furthermore i was told that i  have assumed that the couple has a joint Bank account. I am Only 49 years old and i can to believe that in a so very much behind the times. Is Quot or. And  truly an archaic form of address is it proper etiquette to address Young Cou a pies separately unless otherwise informed if so How does one address an envelope and How does one decide on the Payee of a gift Check gentle Reader what is highly improper and always Wilt be is for the recipients of presents or their relatives to insult the donors. So miss manners suggests you quit worrying about not following the etiquette of your appalling friends. One addresses a married couple As they have indicated they wish to be addressed if one happens to know this. But what ought to be a Standard form free of traps for the unwary has become highly idiosyncratic so it behoves everyone to accept ind Var tent errors graciously. If the Bride does not change her name this Means two lines on the envelope a Ems Mary Ellen snippet a or. Calvin   May have both names but titles arc not used however miss manners is worried that to Send these people any present is premature. If a newly married couple cannot figure out How to share their own wedding presents there cannot be much Hope for the marriage. Dear mias manners we Are a family with adult children All living at their own addresses a a when we Are All invited to the same wedding even when some but not All of us attend the wedding we sometimes choose to Pool our resources and buy a More significant wedding gift. On two occasions Only one thank you was w Ritten and it was sent to the parents address. Perhaps i should be glad that we received acknowledgement but deep Down i am wondering if each family could have expected their own thanks at their own address. Gentle Reader nobody has done More nagging of bridal couples about writing thank you letters than miss manners. She has been known to interrupt what turn out to be first dates to inquire prematurely if All the wedding letters have been written. But she fails to see that you have a grievance. Having acted As a family unit you cannot then turn around and resent being treated As such. A dear miss manners my Cousin and i Are fairly close and i had intended to attend her daughters wedding last summer. But when we received the formal invitation we had just put the House up for Sale and we had every reason to believe that the wedding Date would find us in the Middle of moving. Two weeks before the wedding we knew that we would not be moving after All. Through a third party my Cousin expressed How astounded she was that we weren to coming. But by then her House was at capacity with guests and i Felt it would have put her in an awkward position to reverse ourselves. We could not have afforded a Motel and i thought it would have been too much to expect her to pay for it. So we allowed the original regrets to stand. My daughter later said that everyone was disappointed and that i should have called and offered to attend when we knew it was possible. Is it Ever Correct to reverse an acceptance or regrets for a wedding gentle Reader not so fast. Miss manners understands that you were trying to minimize the inconvenience that might be caused by changing your mind. But by then the problem had already been created. What upset your Cousin was that you did not consider her daughters wedding to be an occasion sufficiently important for you to rearrange your moving schedule. It is hard for people to imagine that weddings that arc of momentous concern to them Are less so to others a and those who care about them should take pains not to let them know this. But you did. You told them frankly that your moving was More important which was bad enough. Never mind that you finally got the Only Dale the movers could give you this decade a or whatever your own problem was a then you did no to move and a even though your motives were now unselfish a still did no to attend. The earlier Assumption that you did no to attach much importance to the wedding was compounded with the thought that moving Wasny to really the problem you just did no to seem to want to go. As for the answer to the questions you asked one does not go Back on an acceptance unless there is an extreme emergency which Means one connected with illness rather than with convenience. To reverse having declined one can Only whine apologetically a a ooh i Ani free after All but in a sure you be made All your plans by now in the Hope of being re invited. United feature Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your Cal quota questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428, the Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through this column. Now a woman will Bug All those insects Erma Bombeck the breakthroughs by women to make this an egalitarian society have been slow but steady. It took a while before females were cast As villains on to cop shows. It has been Only in recent years that bad mothers have emerged. Women hucksters  sell computers Beer fertilizer or sneakers. Unless you count the women playing basketball in pumps and pantyhose that a Why this Story is going to give you Goose bumps. The Orkin Man a the Guy on the Bug Spray can a is being replaced by a woman. Did i Tell you it was going to make you glad you re a woman Why i Haven to been so excited since rotary clubs opened their doors to us. I done to know what the thinking was behind a Halfman half cyborg hunk who looked like Arnold. Schwarzenegger and could terminate a basement full of termites by giving them the laser Eye. Frankly if a Guy in a Black helmet and a ski mask who walked like Frankenstein appeared at my front door id dial 911 and hide in the Furnace duct. But the Orkin Man was just window dressing. Most of the service people who made the Calls were women. Whatever the reasoning Mother Orkin will have the same menacing costume. With a single look in her Eye and movement of her hands the insects Are history. She will then shed her 40 pounds of robot gear smile and say a one Call destroys them  As a woman i have always had great respect for those men and women who Are not afraid to go into basements. I have friends who Are such animal activists they can to kill flies. My reasoning is that anything you can to turn into a fur coat is fair game. People generally fight fear with a Call to the professional. I done to care if Rob Ocop is male or female or if he or she brings the kids to work just so when either leaves i see Little bugs with lilies on their chests. Universal press Syndicate a no kidding a psycho analysis 1. Original plans a to be a to movie 2. Hitchcock a opinion a film was a a humorous 3. Cost to make a $800,000 earned $16 million. 4. Musical scor amp a Only film with just strings 5. New York times review a a blot on an honorable career Quot 6. The Book a rejected by Harper amp brothers6 former contestants on a Star search 1. Sharon Stone a acting Competition 2. Rosie o Donnell a stand up comedy 3. Jenny Jones a talk show Competition 4. Martin Lawrence a stand up comedy 5. Sinbad a stand up comedy 6. Dennis Miller a stand up comedy sinbad beat Miller in head to head Competition world features 5ync.cate sunday june 5, 1994