European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 5, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Out commitment and a cold sweat Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in Quot of know How women always talk about Guys who wont commit its like a social disease. Its worse than a social disease. They think of it As an actual mental illness where something in the Guys personality is so screwed up that he has a missing commitment Gene. But Why is it Only Guys who Are accused of this Arentt there an equal number of women who done to. Want to live together sleep together get married get engaged or let some Guy leave his clothes Over at their House i mean Isnit this not committing too Arentt there just As Many women who Wanna have dates but done to necessarily Wanna Matry the Guy we Are about 30 years Down the feminist Road now and one of the absolute principles of feminism is that she can do whatever he can do and they both have the same right to refuse. Right so the Guy is just refusing. He does no to want marriage. He does no to want children. Its not a disease. Its just a Guy being a Guy. So whenever i hear some woman say a Well i really love Gregory but he just wont commit Quot it makes me think a now what do you want you want the Guy to lie to you ? you want him to say a of Heck yes i would love to get a House in the suburbs with you when what he a really thinking is a if this Gal nags me one More time about this in a moving to Oshkosh and going Bass fishing the rest of my life a a in other words another Way of saying the Guy wont commit is to say a a he a a really honest he refuses to do something he does t Wanna do also Why do they use this Long latin word commitment its a Legal term. Its the word they use when they put somebody in jail or Force them to go. To a mental institution. No wonder Guys go scream my out of the room when you mention it. They done to Wanna be committed. The ultimate showdown Over commitment is when the Gal says a Well if you can to commit then this relationship is Over because i need a Man who can at this Point the Guy has three options 1. Take a hike. 2. Lie about it. A 3. Actually decide that he likes the idea of being committed. Guess which one he never chooses. Speaking of strange facts in modern civilization the no. 1 video Box office Star in America is. Would you believe Shannon Tweed apparently the former playmate of the year is the hottest direct to video rental name in the business which would explain Why she Sable to make 347 erotic thrillers a year and keep getting hired for another one. What do you think the producers say to her a they Shannon we be got a script Here that a very different for you. You Only get no kid 12 times. You Only kill four people. And instead of playing the wife of a High powered corrupt attorney Here s die great part. You re the wife of a High powered corrupt real estate investor Isnit it great a. So another Shannon Tweed erotic thriller hits the shelves. And this week s entry is cold sweat in file fat America starts bulging while you Glinda Ellerbee Adam Baldwin Shannon Tweed in cold sweat. Which Shannon is the Rich wife of a slea Mcball businessman but she shaving affairs with the businessman a partner and his cocaine dealer. But everything goes haywire when the husband hires a Hitman to kill either the wife or the partner and he a one of those sensitive hit men played by Ben Cross whose head is still All screwed up from killing an innocent woman during his ask assignments four dead bodies. Sixteen breasts. Office aard parking. Shower aardvark ing. Nek kid body painting. Artery slicing. Drive in Academy award nominations for Dave Thomas As the disgusting overweight Bianca spraying real estate Mogul married to Shannon for breaking a lot of expensive dinnerware and saying a a you re screwing around on me Aren t you a Lenore Zann As the sexy ghost who gets killed in the first scene of the movie but finishes the movie Cross As the Hitman Adam Baldwin for being the Only Baldwin i can to Ever remember the name of and Tweed for making sure everybody in the cast gets killed except her As usual. Three and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless sea lion Alert two sea Lions waddled up out of a Creek onto the Nim Itz freeway in Oakland Calif. One of them was struck by several cars and killed causing two car crashes the other sea lion escaped by heading directly toward the coliseum drive in. A parable for our times. Marc Richard of san Francisco reminds us that with eternal vigilance the streets will be Safe for All mammals. Dear Joe Bob i recently saw your picture in Femme fat ales Issue no. 3, with the four most popular scream Queens. In a just curious did Michelle Bauer come in fifth place i ask because she a my personal favorite. I know Monique Gabrielle is your fax but i dig Michelle. She is hot. She has been in Over 30 movies at least a dozen videos As Well As Penthouse and Playboy. You know you can look that up in the Bare facts video guide. Jim Marcel Cranston . Dear Jim i agree with you about Michelle Bauer. Right now she stands breast and shoulders above All other scream Queens in terms of the sheer numbers of movies she does and the amount of herself she puts in those movies namely All of herself. Geatons Syndicate to discuss Inq meaning of Tite with Joo Bob or to get Trio junk in Tho mail and Joe Bob s world famous nows Louisr Tho Joo Bob Ropon write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002. Dallas Texas 7i22\ Joo Bob s tax line is always open 214 360-2310 d spite the health club of what seems like every other Corner despite the Many joggers it s hard not to run Over on your Way to work despite Nouv Kllc cuisine cholesterol counters nonfat chocolate Chip cookies Oprah a new chef and Susan Powter a despite Alt we know about healthy eating and exercise a we arc a nation of fat people. Today More americans arc overweight than at any time in recent years according to the Federal can ters for disease control and prevention an estimated one third of adult americans Are obese. Not surprisingly what a True of the grownups is. True of our kids. But with kids there s much More to the Story. Laura Mellin is the director of the Center for child and adolescent be site at the University of California in san Francisco. Site says that child obesity is not about food or exercise she. Says its a about neglect and indulgence. The indulgence part Means that kids gain too much weight because their parents baby them. They done to set enough limits with them so the kids develop unhealthy habits such As watching 10 hours of television a Day and eating junk foods the neglect part Means that kids much weight because they need attention and so to Block out the bad feelings or the emptiness a they Suff Down food. A too much and not enough. Sounds contradictory but it Isnit As anyone who has Ever been fat knows. As a woman who has spent much of her adult life dieting losing or gaining or thinking about dieting or thinking about food 1 know How right she is i remember my own childhood and the important part food played in it. When i was Good i got a cookie. When i was bad i did no to. Right away food became a Reward whereas the Lack of food was associated in my mind with unhappiness bad behaviour bad times. Bad me. Because i grew up in East Texas Naify of the foods of my childhood were Fried. The others a the vegetables a were cooked for two or three Days with pork or just pork fat. My mothers idea of healthy eating was to substitute Margarine for butter neither she nor my father had any ideas about exercise. Thai was something kids did in gym class. At night in my House my father came Home from work we sat Down and ate then we sat Down in front of the to set and watched until 8 of clock when my Mother would go into the Kitchen and bake something or make ice Cream sundaes or just open a hag or two of frito. Something to last us until bedtime. Something to give us fuel for the hard exercise of to watching. Also i was an Only child a and Tho child of an alcoholic a and i rus very lonely. Food was my Friend my Comfort a and often my secret. I have been fighting that Early conditioning for most of he rest of my life. Sometimes in a More successful that other times but of do i wish i could go Hack and reinvent. The place food would have in my life. Laura Mellin teaches kids and adults new ways to look at food a and obesity. She talks about Bow kids use food instead of words to express themselves. The real question is what is the kid hungry Tor and so it goes. King Fotij tiits
