European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 03, 1985, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 14 columns the stars and stripes thursday october 3,1985 some things you Don t joke about by rissf1.l Baker i sometimes Fil the test of the Airport Security machines. It is embarrassing. A red Light flashes ominous electrical sounds in cur. An official woman says just a minute people sure smile glance with irritation. A uni formed Man licensed to kill lifts an eyelid. Don t make a joke i scream silently to hat Interior twit who is always urging me to try ingratiating myself with people who Only want me to move along quickly out of their lives. In the name of Baal and moloch Don t make a joke with great Effort i refrain from joking while Emp tying pockets of keys coins pens spate Belt buckles Toenail clippers and other Metal freight which the machine an obvious imbecile can t Tell from a Kalashnikov machine gun. The temptation to joke about the machine s stupidity is almost irresistible. Gripped by this madness 1 wonder if autopsy would show 1 suffered from a death wish. In their final moments even fully grown and we so Ery men Call for their mothers mama mama and As i feel the urge to joke overpowering me right there in front of the entire Airport Security team i recall the words of my own mama drummed into me in child Hood. As you ramble on through life son whatever be your goal when you get to inc Airport never make jokes about Airport Security because there is nothing funny about Airport the official woman signals me to Circle around the Kalashnikov act acting machine and walk through again Dis encumbered of Metal. Another official woman holding a plastic Box containing my pocket Metal seems interested in my Toenail clippers. Amazingly i am Able to read her thoughts Why would a Man especially a Man As slovenly and unkempt As this Man carry Toenail clippers in his pocket Fingernail clippers maybe. But Toenail clippers Only a 1 feel a suicidal impulse to laugh aloud and ask her did you Ever hear the one about the guv who grabbed the Pilot by the shoe stuck the clippers into his big toe and said take this plane to Cuba if you know what s Good for you toenails i am saved by hearing the Long ago words of my Mother droning on about Airport Security and the reason they Don t laugh at people who make jokes about Airport Security is that there Are some things that Are just too serious to laugh words to live by i reflect studying the Cannon holstered on the hip of the Man licensed to kill. Surely he would to not just because somebody made a joke. But what do they in fact do to people for making jokes about Airport Security Perham they Are taken to a special room somewhere behind the lost baggage claim chamber and there horse whipped. So you think there is something amusing about cheese thievery cd mister Christian sorry think there s something funny about Airport Security he. Mis Ter toenails to link you can get away with telling toe Nail Hijack jokes to personnel trained to detect the slightest Trace of amusement he Well maybe a taste of the horse whip will show you How badly you
