European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 4, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Child abuse child advocacy by Robert Leonard Naples bureaus heir names Are unimportant. What counts is that he s a child abuser willing to discuss his problems and she s an abused and an abusive spouse. Both Are in counselling programs in the psychiatric department of the . Navy Hospital in Naples Italy. The couple went to the emergency room during a crisis. Their Case was quickly brought to the attention of naval officials including Bennett Samuels family advocacy representative for the psychiatric department. Samuels asked the enlisted Man who has a highly visible Job and his wife if they would consent to being interviewed by the stars and stripes. Please if our Story can reach some hurting soul out there let me Tell it he said. John and Mary met in 1978, when both were 23. It was John s second marriage Mary s third. John is a third generation alcoholic wife beater and child abuser. He saw his Grandfather beat his grandmother. He saw his Mother beaten unconscious by his father. John repeats that kind of Learned behaviour. He drinks. He beats his wife. On occasion he strikes his children. Counselor said these parents Are scarring their children perhaps for  this marriage they have two children a boy 6, and a girl 2, and what the children see is what they assume is Normal. Mary comes from a Middle class family. There was no divorce in her family her parents believe in for better or for  both parents Are depressed. The Mother sits for hours in a dark room. The father was very restrictive kept his emotions bottled up was away from Home a lot and spent Little time with his children. John s Mother has been married four times and his father three times. His father is a Neer do Well. His Mother has been hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. His first Stepfather was an alcoholic who died of a reaction to antabuse a drug that makes people ill if they continue to drink. His Mother was close to being an alcoholic. He and his siblings were abused. I wanted a father so bad it was devastating me John said. As a child i used to think about what i was going to be like when i grew up. I was afraid that i would be doing the same things As my father and Grandfather. I was always trying to please my father trying to win his approval and affection. My whole life was spent trying to gain attention and acceptance. I always thought that there was a better Way. I even contemplated suicide. At the age of 16,1 quit school. I ran away from Home and when i came Back my Mother gave me a Choice either the Navy or go to a juvenile Home. At 17, i made my mind up to join the Navy. But before i reached my 17th birthday i made sure that i did All the wrong things. I began drinking on a regular basis at 16.1 had worked full time since i was from crisis to counselling 11, so it was t anything frightening having to join the Navy. I hated school and yet i was an Over achiever. At the age of 14,1 got into drugs. The first person to sell them to me was my sister. I used to take acid around my Mother just to see if she would catch on. I guess that was another attention getter. When i was 16,1 got a Job As a Volunteer fireman. This is where i really started my drinking. I knew a lot of kids who drank but they did t need it. I realized i had a problem. I even found a Way to get drunk while i was in Boot Camp. Three years later i was in lots of trouble and was Given the Choice to go to alcohol rehabilitation. I Only went to keep myself out of trouble. I did things that i can t even believe now. Self destructive things. In 79 i wrecked my car on purpose just to collect Money to buy a better one. I even took my Best Friend with me. He was really scared when after the first attempt of running directly into a Telephone pole at 35 Miles per hour i backed up and tried again. This time i succeeded and totalled the car. We weren t Hurt bad and i got a new car out of the Deal. I can attribute All this to alcohol. What a Way to  Mary is the beaten wife John talks about. Unlike her husband she is not comfortable discussing her treatment of her children. But Samuels the family advocacy representative said there is Little doubt she abused them. He said much of the abuse was psychological with her using them As weapons against her husband and fighting in front of them. Before the counselling there was not much warmth and love in the family. Mary said my parents were different and yet they Are very similar to my husband s. I had a lot of anger. I was repressed and at 17,1 dropped out of school and ran away. I met a Guy who became my first husband. Talk about change this was a real change. He was the Leader of a religious cult that was into drugs it was time to lean the slate panhandling stealing. You name it we did it. When i ran away i was a Virgin and had no dating life whatsoever. A very Short time later i was married and pregnant. It did t take me very Long to realize that this was a mistake and i called my father and asked him to come and get me out. My father picked me up and three Days later i ran Back to All that mess again. Once while my husband and i were living in California one of the Guys stole his Mother s inheritance and we All went to Hawaii for a Nice vacation. About this time i had the baby. My husband started getting real strange. He began playing with guns russian Roulette and other things that made me feel real uncomfortable. So i got out of there and went Home. I went Back and finished High school and even started College where i met this really Nice Guy. I wanted to get married but he was t ready so out of spite i married this other Guy who had just joined the air Force. During this marriage i was shopping in a grocery store one Day and i just began to cry. I wound up in the Hospital with a nervous breakdown. That marriage lasted three months. My parents in the meantime pleaded with me to give them custody of my son. They kept telling me that i could t take care of him and that he would be better off with them. Finally i gave him up for adoption to my parents. During this very trying period my Grandfather died. I was so close to him tha i was really alone now. My younger sister had been suffering from anorexia and my brother was into booze pretty deep. I saw my sister hospitalized for two years. She went Down to 59 pounds and almost died. Somehow i got into this thing bulimia started eating everything in sight. Then i would throw it up. And if i did t think that cleaned me out enough i would take a laxative. My current husband and i met about this time. He had no idea that i was bulimic two months after we met we got married. Shortly after that we left for Denver where my husband was being sent by the Navy to a school. This is where the Bottom really fell  John said i began drinking so much at this time that most of what happened i Don t even remember. There was the time after our son was born that he and i were wrestling and he kicked me. I really blew it. I flipped him in the air. He landed on his face and knocked two front Teeth Loose. It is very hard for me to get these deep seeded things to the surface. My wife and i had some horrendous Battles. Most of them we used the kids As a Buffer. Pitting ourselves against the children. It s so bottled up inside of me. I can t even think of anything else. After the incident that brought us into counselling i did t Trust anyone. My wife and i had this terrible fight and we even brought it out into the Street so that All of our neighbors could see. But i was so devious that they believed me when i told them my wife was trying to kill herself. I took her to the Hospital and the medical people almost believed me. But not quite. We were referred to family advocacy for screening. It was there that somehow i realized it was time to clean the slate. We were told after three weeks of counselling that our problems were too grandiose to be handled in Naples. They were recommending my overseas screening be pulled and we be sent Back t6 the states. That process takes about a month though and by then the Counselor said that we were making amazing Progress. I was so paranoid. My attitude at first was that nobody wanted to help us. I Felt they were out to get me. They wanted to kick me out of the  John said the doctors at the Center were Friendly and genuinely interested in helping. I Don t know what would have happened if i had t found them John said. From aug 8, when this last fight happened i dedicate my life to my family. At the time they were thinking of taking my children away from me. I guess i m Lucky that i did t know that. My theory right now is that my kids saw me at my very worst and now i Hope and Pray that they can see me at my very Best. I m really deeply involved in a alcoholics Anonymous and that is a tremendous release for me. Six months ago i was totally out of control. I had no Hope. I was just jumping through hoops to avoid being detected. Now i am planning for a future As a  tuesday March 4, 1986 the stars and stripes Page 13