European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 4, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Child abuse child adv Ocky breaking the Cycle of violence by Charlie Bowden Munich Bureau l be Harvey Oswald was an abused  were Jack Ruby and Charles  re the offspring of what Man researchers Call the Cycle of  the Cycle can be never ending and dangerous. In it abused children learn by example that violence is acceptable for problem solving and enforcing authority. In turn abused children often become abusive parents showing their children by example that violence is As traditional As Apple pie. They Don t know How to be a Parent because nobody teaches you How to be one said James Grey a social worker for the army in Augsburg Germany. They Only have their experience As a child to draw on there s nothing wrong with it because dad did it and that must be the Way to control the family " he said. Violence is of from their standpoint. It s  abused people tend to withdraw because of Low self esteem. They underachieve in school or at work. Often they exhibit antisocial behaviour and May become criminals. It s almost always generational unless something is done to break the Cycle Grey said. If abused As a child they will grow up and abuse their children passing on the trait. It is Learned behaviour. The percentage of abusive parents found to have been abused themselves As children is very High Well Over 50 percent Grey said. Researchers have shown that about two thirds of child abuse cases Are accompanied by alcohol drug or spouse abuse. Breaking the pattern in t easy Grey said. Values Are difficult to change and when you try to change those values it creates a certain amount of insecurity with that person s self concept or self esteem he said. But they must be changed because abuse almost always gets worse before it gets  in the military breaking the Cycle Falls to the family advocacy program its objective is to promote healthy family functioning while at the same time saying that family violence will not be  the program includes a reporting system aimed at identifying and preventing family violence through counselling and therapy for both the abuser and the family. The military s program mirroring that of civilian society has developed and expanded rapidly Over the past decade As the horrors of child abuse moved from the closet to living room via the mass Media. This has led to dramatic increases in reporting suspected child abuse. Grey considers that crucial to breaking the Cycle. What we would Hope for is that those people who Are being abused will recognize that it s not Normal Grey said. Often that s not the Case. Other family members will not come Forward because of fear or maybe they feel the problem will get better because there is a lot of love involved Grey said. Capt. Mark West the family advocacy officer at Ramstein a Germany agrees. A lot of Energy and time is spent keeping it a secret he said. In some cases All of the family members know this happens and they protect the  Grey and other researchers agree that families in which violence occurs Are not All bad. There Are often Good things that happen within the family that they do not want to give up because there is an incidence of abuse Grey said. So they have the tendency not to report it. They think things will get better but chances Are Good that without help they la Only get  it s essential to get help which Means someone has to report the abuse. One of the things that we try to emphasize is that most people who abuse their children Are not mentally ill or criminals they Are just unable to effectively communicate or manage their family in an effective Way Grey said. The View today is that what has been Learned can be unlearned. Counselor working with child abuse attempt to keep the family together through counselling and therapy. Punitive measures Are used As a last resort or in extreme cases. Abusive parents must learn family management instead of family control Grey said. It takes Loving care and understanding but the potential for help is there and with it the Cycle can be  More stories on child abuse appear in tomorrow s daily Magazine 12 alternatives to whacking your kid when the big and Little problems of your everyday life pile up to the Point where you feel like lashing out Stop. Take time out. Don t take it out on your kid. Try any or All of these simple alternatives whatever works for you. Stop in your tracks. Step Back. Sit Down. 2.take five deep breaths. Inhale. Exhale. Slowly slowly. 3. Count to 10. Better yet 20. Or say the alphabet out loud. 4 phone a Friend. A  the weather. 5. Still mad punch a Pillow. Or Munch an Apple. 6, 7. Thumb through a Magazine Book newspaper photo album. Do some sit ups. 8.pick up a Pencil and write Down your thoughts. Take a hot Bath. Or a cold Shower. 10. Lie Down on the floor or just put your feet up. 11. Put on your favorite record. 12. Water your plants. For More parenting information write National committee for prevention of child abuse � Box 2866, Chicago in 60690 a Public service of this publication take time  t take it out on your kid. Tuesday March 4, 1986 the stars and stripes Page 17