European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - March 4, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Child abuse child advocacy coming out of abuse. That s the hard part by Charlie Bowden Munich Bureau f rom Early age Jeana was trained by her father to fee a Good  Good girl she was taught  her and other family members that meant obeying dad s every demand. Failure resulted in Quick and often severe punishment for someone in the family. It Only takes one time of seeing your Mother lying on the floor knocked unconscious bleeding from the nose Mouth and the ears to scare the hell out of you and All the cooperation in the world right in she said. I can realize now How absolutely ignorant How brainwashed How victimized i was said Jeana her Candor a result of therapy and a desire to educate. Her message is Plain. Child abuse is traumatic. It leaves gaping wounds in family relationships often tearing apart families when children Are put into Foster Homes or a Parent is thrown in jail. Much of what she preaches can be found in the manuscripts of residue a Book she is writing that s More about the new life she had than the old and the problems she faced when freed of abuse. The most traumatic thing is not the abuse Jeana said. You re comfortable with it because it s the Only world you know. It May cause you some problems and some fear some anxiety but you re comfortable with it because you know  the sexual abuse began when she was 4. By puberty her father had forced her into every form of sex yet she knew nothing of birth control. The beatings began at 13, when she resisted his sexual advances. When i hesitated at cooperating with dad he beat mom again she said. When that did t work he beat me. I was literally afraid for my life. He never hesitated once to Tell me that he would break every Bone in my "  Jeana s Story follows a pattern detailed by researchers of family violence. Jeana was allowed few friends. Her father discouraged Contact with outsiders. He ran the family with an Iron fist with punishment often depending on his mood. He was a True disciplinarian Jeana said. He dictated what we wore How we wore it and How we wore our hair. We could t Wear makeup we could t Wear sleeveless blouses Low Cut blouses shorts. We could t have friends. He always found something wrong with  when she questioned her oppressive existence or walked at her father s sexual demands his mood became ugly. Jeana came to realize that compliance served As a gauge of his moods. When he was Happy we were All Happy and the world was a great place to be in she said. When he was angry he was violent abusive dangerous. I remember feeling responsible for my family. If i was a Good girl they had a Nice family life. When i was t a Good girl they had hell. I was caught in a nightmarish game of damned if you do damned if you Don  this continued until Jeana was in High school developed her first real Friendship and was introduced to girl talk. Her Friend during one of these sessions said men preferred to marry virgins. I did t even know what a Virgin was Jeana said. The explanation and subsequent realization would crush an already insecure and unstable teen Ager causing her to turn herself in to the police for being a bad  the police did t lock her up. After hearing of years of forced incest the police arrested her father. He was convicted and sent to jail. She never saw him again. The jailing and its aftermath unsettled Jeana. She became a family outcast. Her Mother accused her of seduction. Her sister and four Brothers resented her for breaking up the family. Jeana Napierkowski 42, is now happily married to a Serviceman in Augsburg Germany after two failed marriages. She s a grandmother and the Mother of three daughters. But her past has Hung Over her life requiring ongoing counselling and therapy. She talks about her childhood frequently and is a firm believer that violence begets violence. She Speaks to groups and forums graphically explaining How she came to realize her life was different from other children and that she needed to adjust once the abuse ended. It s coming out of the abuse that s the hard part she said. That s new ground and you re having to learn How to live All Over again in a new lifestyle. The ways that you Learned How to love Are not the right ways and you be got to  she welcomed the transition because life without abuse is like going from a Nightmare into the  it s so much easier to live. You Don t need the abuse it does t do anything Good for you. To get out and to get help is the Best thing you can do for yourself. Without taking that step and getting the necessary therapy and counselling you re going to practice exactly what you be Learned As a child. Every Mother gets angry when the baby cries and cries and cries but you Don t go beat it to make it shut up. But this is what i had seen done in my family. I had to learn different. The baby s crying for a  learning was t easy. She blames herself for the failed marriages saying she was unable to Trust her husbands. She said she did not abuse her daughters. I was Lucky Jeana said. Help is out there. I just happened to meet the right people at the right  she talks about child abuse now with almost religious Fervour urging people to report suspected abuse so social service organizations can intervene. Some people just Don t know they re being abused because it s All they be Ever known she said of family members who do not report the problem. And in her mind with her childhood it is better to report suspicion and be wrong than to let a real Case go unreported. For her there is no room for ifs or buts. If you Don t say anything probably nobody will and silence is  without. Getting the necessary therapy and counselling you re going to practice exactly what you be Learned As a  to heal to console to resurrect  s8.s photo by Gus Schuettler or. William Klein combines play techniques Ana verbal techniques in counselling abused children. By Betty Bell staff writer it could be a  child squeezing Clay. A Dollhouse in the Corner. Crayons and building blocks  the child is not just  first clue to what s happening is the presence of or. Col William Klein head of the youth health clinic at Frankfurt High school. The Giveaway is the conversation the child moving the toys around telling Klein How his parents did this and that and How he came to be thrown against the Wall. At this Point it s painfully Clear that Klein is counselling an abused child. He sees them All the battered the neglected the sexually abused the confused. Typically  he sees have been hospitalized or placed in a Foster Home. We try to work with the experience they Are having and adjust to the trauma Klein said. They often Are confused Hurt frightened and feel badly about  his Job is to heal to console to resurrect. We use play techniques and verbal techniques Klein said. Play for children is really part of the work of childhood. It s a Way to try out solutions to problems and understand themselves. We invite them to come and play with the doll houses where they can recreate the setting and family. We use building blocks games modelling dough colouring for children younger than puberty. We give them unrestricted toys Klein said. Children do not make a distinction Between the office and the playground. Here they have a Chance to do what they  he sees children from pre puberty to older teen agers generally More girls then boys. I think parents tend to be a Little More concerned about girls Klein said. Girls tend to be sad whereas boys tend to be disobedient rather than  Klein said children talk about being hit too hard and they fail to understand the Parent is at fault not themselves. I try to Tell them How to handle their anger and to handle it verbally Klein said. I attempt to help them understand they can be both angry and Loving at the same  adolescent cases Are More explosive when they include sexual abuse he said. In the Case of sexually abused girls who Are angry and traumatized it s a mistake to assume she does t love her father. It s not always in the Best interest of the child to break up the family when the child can be protected Klein said. Children need their parents and we need to save those  Klein said a fair amount of abuse is Between Stepfather and daughters when Bonds and taboos Haven t been established. Or in cases of discord Between a father arid Mother a daughter sometimes becomes a surrogate for the Mother. These fathers and Stepfather typically have trouble with impulse controls and May be weak people Klein said. Counselling the youngsters is one task Klein said. Ending the abuse is another. Klein said abusive parents often were abused As children. The More treatment you give the better the Prospect one will not repeat the pattern Klein said. But it s not always Clear where the pathology is in a family. It does t always solve the problems. It May be Multi generational. Any behavioural emotional process always involves an initiative just taking the first step Klein said. People see the need for change and say they re willing to make the change. But after a while there s the backsliding. It becomes More  Page 14 the stars and stripes tuesday March 4, 1986 the stars and stripes Page 15