European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - April 17, 1986, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Review Chow line by sgt ret Clement Lounder Back in the Days in which Joleen Decateur sprig claims she was not yet alive they used to make s ome very decent adventure motion pictures but i am sad to report that they have apparently gone the Way of newsreels and the 10-cent Box of Popcorn. Face it friends nobody today is making films with the Quality of Hercules unchained or Tarzan s fight  or any of a slew of Frank Buck movies where the hero is roaming through the african rain Forest finding lost Type civilizations beating Back Rines and battling what the natives called bad the stuff Hollywood is making nowadays is about As satisfying As a Continental breakfast. Joleen and me were extrapolating this exact fact the other week when we were copied up on the big Floral sofa in her House trailer sipping a couple of Frostie eating dip chips and Salsa and watching old action films on the video. Steve Reeves ripping open chains with his Bare hands Gordon Scott. Wrestling a lion with the ease of a Hunchback Pul ing police Call. Poison darts safari hats flocks of Tuki Tuki Birds. Real men in a Jungle Joleen said afterwards patting the sides of her coiffure and looking at me Coy Lite Over the top of her compact Mirror. They Are always a guarantee of  it a with that thought in mind that a few nights later the lady and i ended up at the Farmer Haus restaurant a place that in spite of its name is one of your authentic african adventure restaurants. Walking inside the place is like stepping into a banana Republic Catalon. They got lots of grass screens and carved wooden idols and Spears and Palm Trees and All manner of vines and the Walls Are studded with a Rhino head Here a Zebra skin there and maybe some Antelope horns Over in the Corner. There was a stuffed Crocodile hanging Over Joleen s chair and stretched along the Wall next to me was the skin of one of them big old snakes that Are capable of eating a whole Donkey in a single sitting. Jumbo Perry came immediately to mind. The Farmer Haus people pay real attention to detail right Down to giraffes printed on the table cloth and Rattan place Mats on top of that and Reed shaded lamps with the outline of the dark continent on the base throwing spidery shadows around us. Hell by the time Joleen was sitting Down and looking at the menu a very attractive item with sepia photos she was already whistling the theme song from Dattari. We started off with some of them rum drinks that places like trader Vic s always serve Joleen Landing a Coconut milk Job including plenty of Side fruits called the safari and me tackling a Little number called the voodoo that tasted like pineapple and gave off a very warm glow. The menu like i already said is a big volume with photos that features everything from Impala steaks to seafood to Curry dishes plus soups and starters a Good selection of salads and a very impressive list eating at the Farmer Haus in the Odenwald could bring out the a beast in anyone. Of wines champagnes and other drinks. The wines were a Little overpriced sparkling wine from Germany was around $15 a bottle so we settled for a South african red wine drier than the saharan wind and served in enormous fishbowl with a Stem glasses. Very excellent. It being springtime in Germany icy rain when we pulled up we decided on a soup course to Start things off. I went for Cream of hearts of Palm while Joleen settled on Cream of springbok a Small Semi Antelope animal and we recommend both but especially the springbok. Mine was very Subtle with blanched Palm heart chunks floating in the Creme a Pale Green sauce that sort of tasted like a very mild pea soup Only much Richer. Joleen s had both the Rich taste of game and the tart Sweet taste of wild cranberries which were sliced through the Broth. Damn Fine soups. Joleen i May have mentioned before has a weak spot for Curry and she quickly ordered up the Okaruru pieces of braised pork and veal in a very Fine Curry sauce served with Rice and an interesting salad that had some strange but tasty veggies in there. I went for the top of the line wild Platter featuring files of Impala springbok and one other african animal that slips my mind but May have been Ibex. All three were As tender As any meat i be had in Europe and get High Marks although the stuff served on the Side sauce Bernaise potato croquettes and a Fried Tomato were nothing too special. I also got some grilled african mushrooms that were a Little on the soggy Side but tasty anyhow. Joleen s biggest disappointment was that they did t have any chocolate covered ants on the dessert list because i had promised to eat them if they did and she had promised to watch me do so. The service was top drawer throughout fast and Friendly but without someone hanging around your table. The manager and probably the waitresses Speaks English and enjoys explaining what you re eating if you take an interest. We decided to have cognacs Back at the trailer and after heading Back popping in a cassette of Duel of the titans and filling up our shifters we worked out our rating. First off if you Are not careful you can run up a decent size Bill with very Little trouble at All. We dropped $50, although a goodly portion of that was the rum drinks and the wine of which we had several glasses Between us. A More conservative couple could get by nicely for around $30. Otherwise though the place is your Basic unique dining experience and we plan a repeat trip soon. Farmer Haus restaurant is located in the town of Gross Umstadt in the German Odenwald just off Highway 45 if you Are heading Down from Frankfurt or Hanau. Once in town follow the signs heading up the Hill. For reservations recommended on Friday and saturday nights Call 06078-3559. Joleen and me give the Farmer Haus three and three Quarter pointy fingers. Ratings if a a a a awesome eats. We re talking Paradise on a plate Here. 2 a a b very Fine dining. Crack service and memorable food and drink. G 2 a solid Chow. Good food of atmosphere and pleasant service. Decent. About equal to a Ponderosa Steak House. 2 path butt. Crummy Chow so so service Semi ratty Interior. April 17,1986 stripes Magazine 77