European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 7, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Review not everyone can or will eat snails but a Good place to get them is the Poste hotel in the Little City of Beaune in Burgundy France. Another look at the old Shell game Chow line by sgt. Ret Clement Lounder editor s note Clem and Joleen have been doing so much travelling lately that choline has been taking on the worn Edge of a moonlighting episode. For those who can sit through one More summer rerun however Clem promises big things beginning july 21. This Effort originally appeared in december 1985. If there was Only one thing that French people and me did not agree on it would have to be whether the Good lord put at least one or two things on this Earth that were not meant to be eaten. Your average Frenchman most readers realize will eat anything that strays South of Strasbourg but there Are a few of us who know that big Guy upstairs never intended no one to eat things like eels or yellow Squash or certain varieties of Organ meat including but by no Means limited to pig brains and certain lower portions of the calf. If you get my Drift. You probably got a few additions of your own to that list most people do. You May recall for example that j jumbo Perry will eat no seafood including fish Sticks and tuna on Rye and even shrimp cocktail which is usually so clobbered Over with cocktail sauce you can get a smart child to eat it with Only a limited number of threats. Brewster Doody does not eat Lamb or Lima Beans and my Good buddy very Vern Decateur has been known to get up and leave a table if it has been set with a bowl containing Erpen peas especially if it is Green peas with Hern Little Pearl onions mixed in or even worse sculptured carrots. But if there was one foodstuff that a majority of people would say they do not abide it would have to be snails a dish that when offered gets some folks quivering quicker than a Low Grade terrine do chef. For them people i got to suggest you turn the Page because the following is All about consuming the garlic engorged and buttered up Garden Snail. Now people have been eating snails for Many years Ever since greek and roman times when Between wearing togas and throwing orgies and speaking your Romance languages people would wander out into the Garden and maybe grab up a Side order of snails right off the ground. Later the Art of cultivating snails of fattening them up with a Little Corn meal and other stuff was discovered by a Guy named Fulvous lupins. I am serious Here that was the Guy s name. After that of course the French discovered that eating snails was pretty High brow and since then the Gastropod mollusc As scientists Call them have become an important part of Fine dining everywhere. Now the first problem with eating snails or so jumbo Perry tells me is that a de shelled Snail with Little bits of butter and herbs clinging to him looks powerfully similar to something that has just stuck its head out of a peat bog in one of them japanese horror films where everyone runs around going Vaiee Eewha for about two hours and several women get crushed. That is True but there is nothing that can be done about it so we will just move on. Another problem you May have is with your Snail utensils. Snails usually come served on what is called a Escargot Ere a Little Metal plate that look like it has suffered some severe Hail damage. Your snails sit in the Little pock Marks and you be got to pick them up with these Little tongs they give you and then without allowing too much Herb butter to leak Down your Arm work the snarl out with a tiny Little Fork that looks like it came from Junior s first place setting. To see Brewster Doody s big old lets drop the engine on a to fingers trying to work one of these Little Forks can be a humorous sight and some of you May have the same problem. But do not As i once saw suggested in Esquire Magazine pick up the shells with your Napkin to get better leverage. You got to stick to the Clamp and Fork. In France snails Are called escargots. Most american restaurants think serving snails is so International that they Call them escargots just like the French even though most of the snails served in America come from California. Most of the snails consumed in France by the Way come from Asia because the French ate theirs up Long ago. They Are now doing a pretty Good Job on their frogs too but that is another column. So How will i find snails on the menu if i Ever get up the nerve to order them you Are no doubt asking right about now. In France they come a number of ways the most popular being Escargot a la Bourg Vignonne. These Are your Basic butter and Herb snails where the Little Guys Are cooked in a wine and vegetable Stock spruced up with a Little garlic and Green herbs and then sealed in shells behind a plug of butter. The works is then heated in an oven until the butter runs and the snails Are hot enough to take the skin off the roof of your Mouth which they will do if you do not develop patience. Escargots a la Arles Enne Are almost exactly the same but have a dash or preferably More of Madiera a fortified portuguese wine that the French dote on and which goes Good As an aperitif if you Are Ever trying to impress someone. The germans almost always serve snails As Weinberg Schnecker which is basically the same As a la Bourg Vignonne. In Italy though i be found snails Lumbaca served in Spaghetti the Way they often make it with clams except with More garlic and butter. Now i know some of you who hate snails did not turn the Page like i suggested and for those who have made it this far there is some Good news. The French have invented something called escargots comtesse Rig Idi which is Little pieces of fish or meat stuffed into Snail shells with herbs and butter and tarted up to look like snails. You still got to use the Little clamps and Forks though. Also people who got a thing against Organ meat got to be careful Here because they sometimes use Chicken liver that s been soaked in White wine for awhile. One restaurant where you can get decent snails is the Poste hotel in the Little City of Beaune in Burgundy France. The place used to be a top rated eatery but that was Back in the Days when Clem was a private and the Poste s most expensive wine was a 1937 grands Echez Eaux that sold for 55 francs and you could eat until you cried for about $4. It s still the Best hotel in town though and their snails Are still about 3va pointy fingers. The hotel de la Poste is situated at number 1 Boulevard Clemenceau in Beaune. In Burgundy Call 220811 for reservations. Ratings b a a a a awesome eats. We re talking Paradise on a plate Here. 2 a a very Fine dining. Crack service and memorable food and drink. A1 a a solid Chow. Good food of atmosphere and pleasant service. Q q decent. About equal to a Ponderosa Steak House. Ujj path butt. Crummy Chow so so service Semi ratty Interior. 28 stripes Magazine july 7, 1988