European Stars And Stripes (Newspaper) - July 28, 1988, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Desperate quest for fun in the land of Long lines by Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers it s already hot in Orlando Fla. It s 8 59 ., vacation Standard time and my family and i Are bracing ourselves getting ready for the All out possibly fatal Spring toward tomorrow land. Tomorrow land is of course a popular sector of the Walt Disney world of fun attractions surrounded by waiting lines the length of the Canadian Border. Being savvy tourists we have followed the advice of our Guidebook and arrived Bright and Early so As to avoid the big afternoon crowds the result being that there is virtually nobody else Here except i would conservatively estimate 300,000,000,000 other savvy crowd avoiding Guidebook Reading families. We Are getting to know these other families extremely Well because already we have waited with them in a line for a Tram from our whimsically named parking lot sector sector Chip n Dale a line for tickets a line to enter the transportation Center a line for the Monorail to the magic kingdom fantasy compound and a line to get into the compound itself where we Are now waiting behind barricades until they open the specific attraction sectors. Already some of the other families particularly the ones with Small children in Tow Are beginning to Wilt under the fierce onslaught of fun. Jason we hear parents gaily shout. You get Back in line this instant or we Are going Back to the hotel you must be firm with Small children Here or they will attempt to leave the line and engage in unauthorized fun such As playing. This is Why Many guidebooks recommend that to get the most out of your Disney world vacation adventure you consider leaving your children at Home and instead take people More comfortable with the concept of lining up As entertainment such As East germans. Now its 9  And the smiling Disney person is opening the barricade and a grunting Roar fills the air As we lunge toward tomorrow land thousands of us like panicked Buffalo but displaying less humanity. There is Stark fear in the eyes of the frail and the elderly As we overtake them striking out violently with our guidebooks at those who get in our Way. We cannot help ourselves. We have been standing in these lines watching our vacation time tick away and we Are going to have some big time fun soon by god even if we have to kill somebody. So we run. And now finally up ahead we can see tomorrow land. Hurrah gaily we shove a wheelchair out of our Way and quicken our Pace. All that waiting All those lines Are forgotten now because looming into View is space Mountain the most fun attraction of All featuring for your vacation excitement a giant line. We frankly have never seen such a line. It reminds us of a major geological wonder requiring billions of years to form such As Bryce Canyon. We Are pretty sure that if we looked through this line carefully we would eventually find Jimmy Hoffa. Maybe even judge Crater. So we veer off still running toward another attraction the Little gasoline racing cars that go real slow. We have experienced this attraction before so we know that it ranks in the thrills department alongside Lawn maintenance. But we dash toward it anyway because it has no line yet. During the Peak vacation season Disney could erect an attraction called liar Drums punctured Here and if there were no line entire families would Rush inside. With a mob at our heels we reach the racing cars sprinting past the signs stating the official attraction rules no stopping no starting laugh this Way a a past the smiling Disney persons and into the car. Finally we Are on an attraction 1 his is swell let s just Settle Back and have some Good old fashioned. Whoops it s Over it s time to head toward the childhood fantasy sector to see How our friends Buzz and Libby Are holding up under direct exposure to massive doses of cuteness. Buzz and Libby have brought their daughter Alexandra age 4, who is seeing profit kingdom for her first time and it has been a thrill to watch her Sweet Little face Light up with innocent childlike terror once she realized that roughly half the attractions in the fantasy sector contain pirates or witches the result being that the Only attraction she trusts is it s a Small world after All. This is the one where you get in a boat and Glide slowly past one cute doll for every resident of the solar system with every single doll singing in a penetrating voice about How it s a Small world after All a Small Small Small Small world and you Are never going to get out of it Tahaha. One trip through this attraction is Challenge enough for most drug free adults but Buzz and Libby have done it several limes and when they finally weave into View we can see in their eyes that they have had fun for this immediate decade. Thus fulfilled we make our Way through the crowds Back to hotel world where we Root around in refrigerator world while the kids immediately without waiting in a line Start playing Low level carpet games and despite the alarming Lack of Structure laugh till their chins dribble. If sharing a paper causes problems get 2 copies by miss manners United feature Syndicate dear miss manners it is my habit to return to the table after breakfast and read the morning paper. My husband frequently comes in and starts to read a few items Over my shoulder. I Don t want to be rude and turn the Page before he finishes nor do i want to sit waiting for him so i generally hand him the paper and do something else until he is through with it. I have explained to him Why i do this but he says i am being impolite to refuse to engage in a companionable activity. I recall that one of the no nos of my youth was Reading Over someone s shoulder. What is the mannerly solution to our problem gentle Reader divorce. The attempt to Force one s spouse into something As degrading As simultaneous newspaper Reading ought to be Legal cause for dissolving the marriage. Proper marital newspaper sharing Means that each person takes a Section papers that jump stories from one Section to another Are probably anti family and makes periodic announcements about what the other person should not miss take a look at the oped piece on what s wrong with  it is also permitted to summarize the contents of a Story of great All the airlines we have frequent flyer Points on Are going into bankruptcy or ask a question what does it mean when it says someone was stabbed repeatedly but not molested ? " if one does t abuse the privilege. Reading entire stories is beyond the limit. So is reacting so provocatively uproarious laughter or shouts of of my god that the response what is it is used As an invitation to do so. And what your husband suggests is unthinkable. If you really want to save this marriage at any Cost miss manners advises you to invest in a second subscription to the same newspaper. Dear miss manners i m planning to resign from a company i be worked at for several years. I be had Long standing disagreements with the management and it s time to move on now. Would you discuss the proper approaches for announcing a resignation when is a letter of resignation called for As opposed to simply telling the Boss i m quitting How should it be phrased my work for the company is often valuable and i won t be easily replaced. I suspect that my resignation will come As something of a Surprise to management so i wonder if some kind of explanation is in order. It is not my intention to put Down management or the company. Gentle Reader absolutely you should write a letter if Only because it is easier on paper to control the satisfaction you feel in knowing How you will be missed. Of course you will Tell your Boss too As a Courtesy but handing him the letter will underscore the fact that you Are really leaving not just threatening in order to renegotiate your position. Unless one is resigning under protest a letter of resignation orbits any dissatisfaction with the company and states formal that is restrained not emotional regret at leaving. It is customary to say How rewarding your years there were implying delicately that they were rewarding for the company As Well. I had the great satisfaction of participating in the development of. You close by wishing the organization and everyone in it Well. Now the anti hypocrisy squad will demand to know Why this cannot be the occasion for the employee to scream about How much he has always hated the place and How delighted he is to walk out that door forever. You obviously understand this but let miss manners just run through the two reasons anyway one of Courtesy and one practical. First manners demand the convention of stressing the positive when leaving. You do not Tell your hostess that you wasted the evening or even that you liked the roast but hated your dinner partner. The second is that you Are dealing with a company not an individual individuals come and go but the files remain. And that letter could remain in the files Long after anyone who caused you dissatisfaction had also left while someone with whom you May want to have dealings is there. Dear miss manners i will soon become a judge a position accompanied by a title which is often used socially As Well As professionally. What is the proper form of address or listing when my name is joined with that of my husband an informal poll of my professional women friends a physician a dentist a judge and a member of the clergy reveals rampant uncertainty. I look Forward to insisting on Good manners being displayed in traffic court. Gentle Reader it is not just Good manners in traffic court under your auspices that miss manners looks Forward to hearing about. Manners in court Are already generally fairly subdued. What miss manners Hopes to hear is that you will have inspired everyone who passes through your court to practice Good manners in traffic including the difficult feat of refraining from retaliation. She understands that judges have ways of doing this. And now for miss manners own ruling. Soi rally you Are the honorable Emma Hoven and or. Ruthe lord Hoven this generally occupies two lines or it you do not use the same surname and or. Rutherford  your friends use the same style with dr.," " i he Rev.  or whatever in front of their names. July 28, 1988 stripes Magazine