European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 10, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse Back Home anti smokers fuming about wrong issues John Windrow i read Courtesy of the associated press of a new threat to americans health which is already in a painfully neurotic stale. Dogs on dope. Yes it can happen Here probably Only Here. It seems that people across America Are hauling pets to the vet a cats dogs hamsters pythons All of them desperately sick. The animals hyperventilate pass out have seizures and probably see god in technicolor. It seems folks leave their dope lying around and Rover wolfs it Down. A pets mind is a terrible thing to waste. The article says the problem is growing. They never report on a problem that is abating with my Luck i m probably living next door to a pit Bull on crack and done to know it yet. Here in the brainpower state we have turned our attention to a More pressing problem a cigarettes. Of do we fret about cigarettes in Minnesota. Cigarettes Here Are what adultery was for the Plymouth Colony. It is practically impossible to smoke indoors anywhere except your own Home. I assume someone soon will Start a class action suit on behalf of goldfish who have to live with smokers. On Winter Days in Minneapolis along with the homeless the panhandlers and the dope dealers one sees shivering smokers in doorways bouncing up and Down on one foot while they try to smoke a cigarette and then dash Back inside. Scores of degrees below Zero done to faze them. I smoked for years but i guess in be forgotten How Good those things used to taste. I done to believe we have the Minnesota clean air act Only to preserve the precious indoor air. Its very satisfying to be uncompromisingly against other Peoples weaknesses and i believe the rest of us take perverse pleasure in watching people who Are caving in for a smoke standing out in the howling blasts frantically puffing away. Or maybe the idea is to kill off the smokers quicker. In be noticed that they smoke much faster with a 40-below wind chill. If one is in a self righteous mood its particularly Gratifying to stand inside a Well heated office and look through the Frozen windows at the Frost bitten smokers outside. And it beats working. Several communities in the area Are Banning cigarette vending machines. I expect this trend to sweep America. The idea is that this will prevent minors from buying the killer Weed. 1 remember when i started smoking at 16 most of my friends w Ere Way ahead of Mei always sought out a Handy Dandy vending machine when i needed a pack of Luckiest. There was a sign on it that said the machine could not be operated by anyone who was younger than 21. The sign was wrong. There was no such sign in the Weed choked Yard of the bootleggers House where i bought Gin. Since we lived in a dry county it was illegal for the Bootlegger to sell to anyone so he merrily sold to everyone. The same Public that voted dry demanded that there be a Bootlegger. It amuses me to consider the Case of the Motorist driving through Minneapolis. He can buy gasoline for his car that poisons everyone else but he can to buy cigarettes to Poison himself. Of course he May buy cigarettes Over the counter if he has proper identification. The brainpower state legislature has passed a Law decreeing that anyone Selling cigarettes to someone under age 18 pay a $3,000 Fine and or spend a year in the Slammer. We have an interesting Case crawling through the judicial system. A single Mother of two has been arrested for Selling a pack of cigarettes to a minor girl. She was undone by a group of upright citizens who hauled the girl from one store to another until someone finally made the Sale. Then they had the clerk arrested. Most folks would probably prefer to toss the clerk into some fetid cell right away but a few bleeding hearts Are sobbing about who will care for her children. She May get off with a Fine. People who sell cigarettes in convenience stores usually Are paid minimum wage so the anti tobacco lobby can have some satisfaction that the woman legally can be fined an amount equivalent to about five months salary plus attorneys fees. There is another aspect of this Issue that has not been addressed. What about pets who eat their owners cigarettes surely it can to be Good for them and in a willing to Wager that most of these pets Arentt of Legal age. John Windrow is a former stars and stripes editor now living in Center piece american muscle cars have a new Home. Reporter Ron Jensen and photographer Dave Didio meet some of their european owners. Pages 6-7. Back Home .2 new threat to americans health stateside views .3 Light look at what s almost news observations .4 time to unite against acronyms sleep and Fate collide in midair Home front.5 a look at dual language television what do you miss most about to books.8-9 new interest in the Black novel William Safire on role of the pundit science and the world .10 future of cryonics Uncertain at a glance East Germany Odds amp ends.11 men must learn Joy of housework genealogy and Horoscope last laugh .12 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world collectors of Black novels Are making interesting discoveries. Page 8. Dual language televisions Are a reality a sort of. Page 5. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes. Editor John Taylor Art director Sharon Kilday makeup editor Lisa Williams sunday june 10.1990
