European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 10, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Lets swear off acronyms for a Short spell Mother or. 1 Vear Oid  announced to me and our assorted dinner guests the other might. Quot in a going to burp  sputtering in or. Tuna sur prise i Cusiek it assured our guests that it was a Quot Gastro  then i made a menial note to Check out the Cost of a Siss boarding school. I her voice As tinged with impatience. Quoth s i not a  thing Quot she informed me. Grab big a jacket. Quot i even wrote it Down on the Calendar. In a going to burp tonight and then a tomorrow night in be got  guests exchanged concerned looks. One Cou be. A doctor and his wife began to make preparations to lease. They knew a potential Eidem j in when they a one. I Quot to Long Hase you been planning to burp a 1 1 asked helplessly writing dessert off As a Loti.  stops when troubles in the air destiny has Many faces but it was sad to Leam a approaching an Altitude of 35,000 feet a that mine resembled Barney rubble a Best Friend. Trod Flintstone. This gloomy reality was permanently engraved in my mid during a recent i Thour flight from Frankfurt West Germany to Denver. The destiny i desired resembled rip Van Winkle snoozing until we arrived in the mile High City. But my Fate was sealed tighter than the doors of the 747. 1 reclined my seat Halfway attempting to be considerate. As i drifted into a doze a targe pair of hands began violently shaking my seat. The vibrations stunned me into a woozy stare. Sometime later in a not sure when a never Quot Ever since you suggested it. Remember you told me the babysitters United resource program would be a Good organization to get invoked in. Your exact words were a what this Post needs is a Good burp Well now they be got one. And in a going to be late if i Don t get out of  i de rued it. Vehemently. I distrust acronyms  would never use one willingly especially around children. In fact. I m the Only person i know who doggedly insists on saying Quot self contained underwater breathing  instead of scuba. A just How did Vou get involved with hives Quot Quot 1 asked Quot through the burp instructor. She said the High school vocational education service would be really Good for a Young person who s not planning to go to  Quot you re not planning to go to College Quot i asked too late. She had sore off to burp leaving me with a Mouthful of acronyms and a foiled flambe for dessert. Would t you know it. The discussion entered on acronyms for the rest of the evening. I quickly discovered 1 Wasny to the Only one with acronym phobia. Quot the army loves  one wife insisted. Quot Jim a unit just started a special monthly meeting with Post leaders to improve and enlarge the installation. They could have called it a planning committee but no they have to Call it a brigade installation netting growth through  my Mother nearly had a heart attack when she called and i told her Jim was out on another  one 1 5-year Veteran insisted acronyms were issued right along with a soldiers first pair of bus a a they re handed their Opp gear and their Dity bag. Given a two hour pass to go to the cafes store and told not to go  a sounds like a Funbar to me Quot someone quipped. After 12 years with the military in be had it up to Here with Dodds. Radoc. Shape and in com. And in be made up my mind to do something about acronyms too. Tomorrow night in a going to act a that s act a acronyms cause trouble. Wont you join us we re meeting in building 602. That s the one right behind the jag office and just next door to  military life a it what a laugh spending a lifetime in the military has convinced Cindy Chambers that a sense of humor is essential to avoid a going  Chambers 33, is married to an army Captain is the daughter of a career army officer and is a Veteran herself having served in military intelligence. She has moved around a lot. Landing in Schwem Furt West Germany earlier this year. Chambers who wrote a weekly newspaper column for two years while fixing in Tennessee says there Are plenty of things going on in the military Community to serve As fodder for humorous columns. She gets her ideas by watching her two daughters husband Glenn and those living around her Cope with an unusual Way of life. She will be writing a column that will appear frequently on Page 11 of sunday Magazine. See if Chambers does no to cast a Little humor on your own military Fife a and help keep you too from a going  Wear a watch on a flight More than two hours Lon there was incredibly loud pounding behind me. One Eye opened wide then the other. It was t necessary to turn around because there was no doubt about what was happening Large hands had opened the meal tray and was violently hammering foot Long spikes into it with a shoe. This continued for 20 spikes then the hands gripped the sides of the seat to use As a Brace to stand. It must have helped but for the tiniest Trace of time the cockpit door was visible Between my shoes. It was like the time the dentist s chair went haywire. After the chair rocketed Back upright and my vision a blurred from the Rush of six quarts of blood holding a no notice meeting above my ears i saw her. She looked like Fred Flintstone with just a tinge of Kate Smith wearing one shoe. She walked to the Magazine rack and grabbed enough Reading material to wallpaper hell. As she returned to her seat i wondered How Many countries in the world have followed the adventures of Fred Wilma Barney Betty pebbles Bam Bam and Dino. I hummed the theme song to myself As 1 slowly settled into a restful Nap. That was when she started stuffing the magazines into the Pouch on the Back of my seat. It was not unlike stuffing Texas into Rhode Island. My Back arched As she tried to flatten the Pouch with the Bottoms of her feet. Then those hands gripped the sides of the seat and there w Ere Pierc ing world class knee jabs into into my Back. Each one followed by grunts. A Sun nigh a she would say. Quot  a i involuntarily responded. I passed out and fell into a dream which had me trapped inside a prehistoric air plane. In the background Kate Smith was singing a god bless american and i was beating on the passenger door Yelling a Zwil Makaaa a a flight attendant woke me and said the Yelling w As scaring the passengers. She also told me to return my seat to the full upright position. A we have been cleared for  be our guest the Scoda y Magazine is setting aside space for guest columnists. If you have encountered anything amusing confusing frustrating or fascinating \ about life in Europe in the military or \ in general we d like to hear about it. I this is not a space for gripes or \ letters to the editor a Don 7 expect an i official answer just loads of response i from your friends. So sum up your thoughts in 500 words or less and Send them to be our guest. Sum a y Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 0921l be sure to include a Telephone number where you can be reached during the Day. Page 4 c sunday june 10, 1990