European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 8, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Golfer should quit the club stick to j logging Mike Royko a at first glance he appeared to be just another of the hundreds of yuppies jogging through Lincoln Park keeping their bodies trim should they have the Opportunity for Safe sex. But then i noticed something in his hand. It was a Golf club. As i waited in traffic he came near enough so that f could Sec the club was of High tech design. At first i thought he might have been carrying it for the same reason that my acquaintance Marcus used to carry a Baschal Bat. Marcus an Early convert to running for health carried the Bat to swat unleashed dogs that tried to chomp his Shanks. But while this Yuppie ran he slowed Down just enough to take a couple of practice swings with the club. Then i noticed he was running toward a practice Golf Range. That a when i realized i had just seen a Young Man who was suffering from a serious psychological disorder. A split personality. I was almost tempted to make a Detour find him and As a mature Man of the world talk to him abut his problem. The fact that he was running meant that he cared about his health appearance and Well being. Although i done to run unless chased by muggers in a told by those who do that it makes them feel energetic clearheaded Alert Calm. They say it fends off depression and self doubt and raises their self esteem. So because this Young Man was running i assume that he was experiencing some or All of these mental and physical benefits. But because he was carrying a Golf dub and 1 assume intended to pursue that game he was going to negate All of the above benefits. He was like someone who would prudently Dine on Tofu bean sprouts simple boiled potatoes skinless Chicken a but then Gorge on a quart of High fat ice Cream and Down a pint of old Skull Popper. Had i gone after him that a what i would have said. Drop that club before its too late. Throw it away. Better yet give it to someone you hate. I would have explained that unlike running golfing would never leave him feeling clearheaded energetic Alert and Calm. It would not fend off depression and self doubt and raise his self esteem. Just the opposite. In Golf he will feel depressed addle brained and filled with self loathing and rage. He might have smirked As yuppies Are prone to do and said a nah but what if i become Good even outstanding at the game Quot forget it. The Odds Are at Best 20-to-l. Probably worse. About.90 percent of All golfers arc terrible another 5 percent Are reasonably competent although most of them cheat and lie about their handicaps. That leaves 5 percent who Are Good. But of those about 4.5 percent arc frustrated because they can to get any better and Down deep Are just As miserable As the Hacker. There is no More mentally and physically debilitating a game. All you have to do is stand near the 18th Green on any course and watch the players shuffle off. They Slouch mumble mutter and Are filled with gloom. They have just spent four to five hours slashing swiping swatting sweating grinding their Teeth and cursing the Ball the Trees the Bushes and themselves. And they Cal that recreation. Because they have endured this misery they shuffle into the clubhouse bar and order a stiff one to drown their grief. Then another and another. And at a late hour they stumble into their Homes cry out to  Quot i took a a 12 on the last Hole Quot and collapse to the floor in front of their sobbing wives children and embarrassed dinner guests. That Young Man once addicted will Tell himself a maybe if i try Graphite or titanium shafts Copper Heads Lithium balls ill read Ben hogans Book watch Jack Nic Claus tape. I even go to a Golf school on my next  forget that too. There is Only one sure Way to become an outstanding golfer. Have a Rich father. That a the secret of most of those per fact swing professionals you see on to. The old Man had dough. So when they were Mere lots their dads took them to the club pro and before their brains were fully functional their Muscles had committed a Good swing to memory. Something like potty training. But for the other 90 percent or More the future is nothing but misery and expensive misery at that. More Money is spent on Golf trinkets than any other sports equipment. And that fills me with foreboding. Millions of baby Boomers Are taking to the game. So in 10 or 20 years this nation will have More potbellied anxiety Ridden Post game guzzlers than at any time in our history. So drop that club and keep jogging Young Man. If you do there is still Hope for us. If and when the japanese come at least you might be Able to outrun them. Tribune Media service Centrepiece contents reporter Dave Walczak and photographer Jim Derheim spend a Day with Ramo Aydin and his Shoeshine kit. Pages 6 and 7. Back Home. 2 youth urged to avoid golfs trap stateside views .3 Light look at what a almost news observations.4 excitement rises As fences fall is unification Good for Germany and us.? Home front .5 video cameras keep getting smaller tips on Good vacation pictures books. 8-9 korean wars cold legacy William Sajihe looks at Slang science and Hie world.10 restoring the Sphinx Chip by Chip at a glance Hungary Odds amp ends n moms deserve own Hall of Fame genealogy and Horoscope last laugii.12 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world the 1.9-Pound Panasonic Palm order is among the new Breed of tiny video cameras. Page 5. A computer is helping explore How the Sphinx was built and How to save it. Page 10. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor John Taylor Art director Sharon Kisiday makeup editor Lisa Williams