European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 22, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                I a a Quot of a Feather Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers a any Many of you have written to me in recent weeks asking the following question a Dave Are there any new developments in the Field of artificial Falcon insemination and could these developments help improve the american electoral process a 1 am pleased to report that the answer to both questions is . I have received some very exciting information on this subject from Alert Reader Lance Waller who sent me an article from the april Issue of smithsonian Magazine concerning the world Center for Birds of prey in Boise Idaho. The Center is engaged in the preservation of Falcons fierce Birds of prey that Are named after the Ford Falcon which holds the proud title of slowest car Ever built. In certain areas of the country you can go to a stoplight and find Falcon Drivers who pressed Down of their accelerators in 1963 and Are still waiting for their cars to move. Anyway the scientists at the Center Are trying to Breed Falcons sometimes via artificial insemination which Means they the scientists have to get hold of some Falcon semen which you cannot simply pick up in your local supermarket. Well of you can but its not fresh so according to smithsonian Magazine these scientists obtain the semen via a process so wondrous that you will insist i made it up but i did not. Here according to the article is How it work first a Falcon handler hand feeds a baby male Falcon which eventually a regards its handler ask another  then when the Falcon matures the handler goes into a chamber with it and they engage in a courtship ritual wherein they Bow their Heads and make chirping sounds. A the two of them provide an amazing spectacle a states the article a Man and Bird bowing and creeping affectionate lovers arousing each other a then the handler puts on a remember i am not making this up a a a nondescript Fedora with a rubber dam around the Crown to catch the  he turns around and the Falcon a a files to the hat and with much creeping and fluttering of wings populates with  the Magazine has an actual photo of this showing a Man with his arms folded wearing a facial expression that would look somber and dignified suitable for a portrait painting of a Bank president except that the Man is wearing an extremely comical hat on top of which is this Large wildly excited Bird experiencing a climactic moment the article does t say what happens next but i like to think they smoke tiny cigarettes anyway looking at this picture i  help but think about the american electoral process. You know How your top political figures traditionally demonstrate their qualifications for High government office by putting on virtually any form of Cretin headgear that is handed to the Well think How it would be if during the 1992 presidential Campaign some leading presidential contender was making an appearance in Iowa and some innocent looking girl scout handed him what she claimed was a special ceremonial headdress and he put it on and his head suddenly became a highly erotic stimulant for major Birds of prey. A in a Surprise Campaign development that raises delicate Legal issues rep. Dick Gephardt was carried off today by a Large creeping flock of lust crazed federally protected Falcons Quot  that be wonderful would t that transform the presidential Campaign from an endless droning bore into something you a genuinely look Forward to on the to news of i know what you re thinking. You re thinking a but what if the politicians like it what if they Start wearing their hats All the time what if say the vice president starts wearing one to forma funerals where would he get a hat Small enough a certainly these Are Large hurdles but i am certain that As a nation we will find a Way to overcome them. But not right now. Right now i have to go. Rex is chirping for me. Pet filcic Belgrade Yugoslavia let amp  a a it of Civ Quot 1 i a a c a a / a. In v 0 a Stanley Pace the chairman of general dynamics delivered this stunning analysis at a defense Industry awards dinner earlier this year a the ideological struggle Between capitalism and communism has been waged a and won a on several fronts. In january of this year the first Mcdonald a restaurant opened in Moscow a to much fanfare   next thing you know there will be stealth big macs. They Cost $ 1,000 apiece hut when you bite into them you can to taste anything. Palm Beach Post .111 Olvo. Curl. Ill l v. Here Are some of comedian Joey Adams views on marriage a a i married my wife for her looks a but not the ones she a been giving me  a a before we got married she played hard to get a unfortunately not hard  a a my wife and i have a perfect understanding. I done to try to in her life a and 1 done to try to run  new York times Ioanna attic uni Greece Tsa via ,.3h�ow0. , a i sgt a Oil Page 12 g sunday july 22. 1990