European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 14, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse I Page 2back Home dry approach will never Stop a Beer tax hike John Windrow when i can to sleep i sprawl on the Couch take up my trusty Channel switcher and run through the 50-Odd Cable channels at my disposal. There Are always at least three versions of Quot halloween or some similar Slasher flicks on. Can to watch Mem too scary. And wrestling Hulk Hogan smashing somebody a face in while Dainty Little old ladies howl with glee. Scary. Pat Buchanan arguing fiercely with a Liberal about Jesse Helms and the National endowment for the arts. Scary. News updates from the persian Gulf. Scary. Then there s mtg its so scary in be never mustered the nerve to turn up the volume and listen to the music. Every once in a while i catch Maggie Thatcher giving the House of parliament a shirted hell. That a scary too. All of this could make for bad dreams if it weren to for the Good old Beer commercials. You can watch Beer ads for hours. There a always one on somewhere. They have precious Little to do with Beer. Most Beer commercials show absolutely gorgeous women in mouthwatering Little outfits running along beaches listening to country music eating Richard Gere a film a pretty woman is what women want Hollywood figured. What it did not figure was that this a a women a pictures would become one of the runaway hits of the year. Page 5. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes. Editor John Taylor Art director Sharon Kilday production Lisa Williams Denise Adams ice Cream watching baseball or pursuing some other wholesome activity. Sometimes they do the Hula sometimes they do the Hootch Koo. There a always a few Manly Guys standing around holding Beers but i never pay them any mind. Sometimes the camera lingers lovingly on some dynamite Damsel and then the enticing word a Mich Clobe or Quot Miller Rolls across the screen in hot red or Cool Blue. These commercials never make me want to drink Beer but i do like to watch them. I waxed Joyful when the Beer behemoths said they would launch a massive and Campaign to do in the Federal governments plan to raise the tax on Beer. The government is broke and Congress is afraid to raise income taxes. So while the schools go Down the toilet folks walk around with no health care the highways break apart the cities run riot with drug gang shootouts and the a amp a Crooks head for Switzerland Congress ponders a Beer tax. I done to care a Fig if they raise the tax but i happily anticipated More Lovely ads from the Brewers. I figured someone like Julia Roberts would be on to in a Bikini singing about tax polity while she did the dance of the seven veils. This would make for great late night viewing. I figured they a be Strong on plot and americans thirst for action. You know a Bunch of Beery Guys Are in a Saloon griping about the hated Beer tax. The bar maids Are All breathlessly Beautiful Solup quaries in Short shorts and Little tops that say after a few Beers the boys form a mob and go put the Federal courthouse to the Torch throwing the hated Beer tax Stamps into the flames. Then they carry the barmaids around on their shoulders cheering hysterically. Or maybe a Bunch of Beautiful women in be contents on the cover Quot married. With children is Back on an to for its fourth season. Observations .3 Sharp appetites and junk mail Are our allies doing enough in Gulf to briefs.4 new teacher on Quot head of the class gets an a Joe Bob Briggs .6 Joe Bob defends the Dice Man on videos .7 Cowa Bunga heroes on the video shelf this weeks films 8-9 Mickey Rourke a not bad in Quot desperate hours Complete cafes circuit listings on to. Shows with meaning and also the Bundy television listings 11-14 local Cable and satellite schedules strange tales die hard Quot Quot done to Call the kids just beep books.16-17 How neat Ivana Trump wants to write James j. Kilpatrick rules on complaints science and the world is Are plastic bags Safe for reuse at a glance Switzerland Odds amp ends. The pain of covering windows genealogy and Horoscope last laugh .24 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world ruined skintight jumpsuits will be skydiving to Rock music and spell out the words a hands off americans brews is up in the wild Blue yonder. As usual i was wrong. In be seen some of the ads on to. I did no to know what they were at first. They show Normal Dull looking people at a backyard picnic. No one is drinking Beer although there Are a few cans sitting around. The women just look like Normal women. Or. And mrs. John q. Public with 2.4 kids and a dog. They have Earnest looks on their faces while the announcer drones on about taxes and what a Bunch of meanies Are running Congress. No bikinis no grass skirts no race cars. It might As Well be a hearing Aid commercial. Art Linkletter could do these ads. I saw another one in the newspaper today. Its Ward and june Cleaver again Dull people in their Dull Kitchen pulling a six pack out of the grocery bag along with the Cereal and hot dogs. Right. In a always seeing families in the liquor store buying groceries with their Beer. These people in the newspaper and look worried too Good decent concerned hard working worried people who want to have an enlightened discussion about tax policy. People who get turned on by ads like that done to drink enough Beer to care about the tax. They drink a Case a year. If the Brewers want to strike a chord with the kind of Guys who suck Down an eight pack on the parking lot before they go into the bears rams game they be got to use the Hootch Koo ads. In a afraid this Campaign is going to fail. In a preparing to Cut Back on food and clothing to pay for the new tax. John Windrow is a former stars and stripes editor now living in Minnesota. The Frog population is falling and that a bad news for the whole world. Page 18. Dave Barry warns Hunters that danger May be near. Page 24. To plus sunday october 14,1990
