European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 18, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Thursday october 18, 1990 the stars and stripes a Page 11rtn Landers dear Ann Landers i am a 31-year-old Man who has been married for three years. My problem is that i am a people please. I find myself saying things 1 think people want to hear rather than being honest and straightforward and saying what i really think. This has caused a lot of problems in my life and now it really has me in a bind. I got married to please other people. I did no to want to marry a a Sarah a i never thought she was my Type a but she was eager to marry me and my parents Felt it was time i got married. My better judgment told me not to do it but i was afraid of hurting Sarah a feelings and i did no to want to let my parents Down. I am trapped in a marriage i never wanted and done to enjoy. In a trying to pretend that everything is Fine. But it Isnit working. My wife is very insecure but she Isnit stupid. She knows our marriage is in trouble. We have been to our pastor for counselling but i Haven to been up front with Nim either. I keep coming up with excuses. It seems that when i try to be honest about my feelings my wife gets upset and accuses me of putting a guilt trip on her. Now she wants children. My parents Are dying to have a grandchild but i am opposed to the idea because i think it would be wrong to bring children into a family As Rocky As ours. In be thought about divorce but i am afraid i would be condemned by friends and relatives from both sides. My father is a minister and in a sure he would not approve of  is getting to be More than i can handle. Ann please help me. In Over my head in Texas dear Over your head if Ever a person needed a course in being assertive its you. But that can come later. Right now i Hope you will find a therapist who will help you take control of your life. The pastor who counselled you and your wife wont do. You need someone who will concentrate on you. To Start a family with a woman you done to want to be married to would be foolish. I suggest that you and your wife live apart for a while and see where the therapist takes you. Good Luck Fella. You have a rough Road ahead but you can make it if you have the proper emotional support and vow that you Are going to take control of your life. Dear Ann Landers two years ago when i was 14, my 17-year-old sister dropped out of school to have a baby. We live in a Small town so most everyone knew. After the baby was born All my parents friends and relatives asked me a How Are a Lisa and the baby doing a i would always say they were just Fine that the baby was cute and getting big. Then the next question they would ask was a so did you learn your lesson a after a while i began to find that question insulting. What did they mean a did i learn my lesson a i did no to do anything wrong. In a a Well behaved person and my reputation is Fine. I done to plan to have sex until in a married and if i should change my mind you can be sure that i will have sense enough to make sure i done to get pregnant. Please print this letter Ann and Tell those people who ask such dumb questions that if they want to know if anybody Learned a lesson they should ask my sister. Sick and tired of ignorance dear s. And to i can to improve on your answer. Its perfect. C creators Syndicate leaving the army with some thoughts i should have joined the air Force. They feed their personnel better. They House their personnel better and they treat their personnel better. The air Force understands that people make changes and they try to help every airman whether they plan to stay in the service or get out. The air Force understands what its airmen arc going to encounter with All of the troop cuts and the air Force is concerned genuinely. The air Force has set up Job fairs for its soldiers. T he education centers a Are trying their Best to help Case the transition to civilian life. The army on the other hand is Only concerned about weeding out the a a bad soldiers. There Are no programs that i have seen or heard about that assist the soldiers in finding outside jobs. The education centers Are More concerned in a a Why soldiers do not want to stay in the army and the information gained is Little to none at All. I am deeply offended by the accusation that soldiers who Are choosing to get out of the army Are a a bad soldiers. I have seen this written Many times in articles about the troop cuts. Some soldiers such As myself see these cuts As an Opportunity for a career change. Just because a Soldier makes the decision to get out of the army does not make him or her a a a bad Soldier. I am tired of feeling like i have a fatal disease and i am tired of the Lack of concern the army has for departing soldiers. Those soldiers who have no Choice but to leave because of the army cuts Are receiving some Good Bene tits. It is Good to see this. But i can to understand who the army is putting out soldiers who would prefer to be in the military. For those of us who have a Choice and choose to get out of the army All we get is a third degree lecture a kick in the rear and then we Are labelled a a bad soldiers. Well in a tired of it. I happen to be an outstanding person As Well As Soldier. My decisions should be respected not rejected. Its my life. I done to Burn flags. I love my country. The army should take a lesson from the air Force and Stop being concerned Only about the officers. We All May need a helping hand enlisted or officer. Done to crucify those of us deciding to leave the army. Instead help and be concerned and face the fact that you Are going to lose some of your better soldiers. Some of us have Given the army Many years of dedicated service. We deserve better. A spec. Sandra l. Davis Wurzburg Germany a Don t cover up for batterers writer says the article about the poor woman who tried to assist the battered woman she found by the Side of the Road aroused my anger. It also reminded me of a woman i met on a bus More than 30 years ago when i was going from Aviano a to por Denone Italy. She was quite a Beautiful woman except for a slightly twisted nose. I started a conversation. She spoke with an accent that i discovered was belgian. She seemed unusually reserved almost timid. When i got Home i mentioned to my baby Sitter that i had met a Beautiful belgian woman on the bus and that she was married to an american military Man. My Sitter an italian woman knew of this woman. She proceeded to Tell me that the woman a husband a military policeman beat her terribly that she had had broken ribs and that her nose had been broken several times that she knew of. Of course i asked a How is it possible does no to the doctor at the base Tell someone about these injuries a her answer was that this terrible Man had a Friend who was a medic and the medic always patched her up so that the doctor did no to Ever Sec her. I never saw the belgian woman again. I done to know if she survived. I understand that she had been a Model before she married but i doubt if she could have found such work when i saw her. What in a saying is that these disgusting animals have help in doing their revolting deeds. If society really wants to get a handle on these men it would be a criminal offence to fail to report such deeds or to Aid and abet in covering up. A name withheld Diyarbakir Turkey a writer is upset by japanese racism reference your recent article about racist japanese remarks i think that the japanese should keep their racism in Japan. Aso As far As i am concerned they can keep All of their products in Japan. I have bought some rather expensive japanese made products in the past. You can be sure that i will not be buying such items in the future. As every american should be i am absolutely insulted by or. Kajiyama a remarks. What gives him the right to link Black americans to a local japanese problem with prostitution to me that is racism in its most blatant form. A1 of Japan should remember that the Money provided by the . Government to pull them out of the mire of a War that they started came from americans of All races and colors including Blacks puerto Picans and mexicans. If the Boycott is an effective tool for sending a Mes Sage to an institution then i think we should Send a Clear message to Japan now. We will not accept your racism a Robert l. George Heidelberg Germany pen pals i am 18 Yoars old and a student studying nursing. I enjoy Puoplo and writing lot tors. I Lovo to party and Havo a Good Timo. I also enjoy sports and Hor Sonck Riding. A Cheryl Young 149 re Dost. E. Saint John now Brunswick e2j2m4 Canada i would Liko to find Somoano to to a Pon Iriondo As i would Liko to write to Somoano who is also away rom Homo. I am from Canada. I Liko Reading walking and country music. I am a Maturo lady. A Tannico m. Wilson 235 Bonnotto end Road Homol Home stood hirts., hp3 8dz England european edition circulation 190,000 col. Gene e. Townsend Usan commander editor in chief it. Col Gayle w. Fix Usa Deputy commander editor in chief Marie Kominicki Bob Wicker Deane b. Mcdermott production manager managing editor circulation manager n0wspaper is an authorized unofficial publication for members of the military services overseas. Contents of the stars and stripes Are not necessarily the official views of or endorsed by the . Government the department of defense or the . European command. 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