European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 10, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Commissary folks never run out of songs or excuses d. A Ridgely guest columnist i love the Public service announcements the pros Call them pass we get to watch on american television networks Here in Europe instead of those mindless commercials that Insu four intelligence Back Home. Call me patriotic but there a just something More fun about having my own government insult my intelligence especially when i remember my tax dollars Are paying for it my favorite although by no Means the dumbest spa is the commissary spot. You know the one where cartoon character ing the commissary theme song As they ship food by trucks and planes and trains and boats across Vas distances so Well All have chocolate Coco puffs for breakfast. The Point of this message is that its mighty hard work to keep a system like that supplied and of course that a True. The hidden message though the part that insults my intelligence and yours is a so its not really our fault when the shelves Are and that of course is utter nonsense. Where do we get these Guys and where Are we going to get More now hat the Warsaw pact folks has gone capitalist one things Clear. They never worked for a amp a or Safeway or for that matter any of the Chain supermarkets now in Europe where wonder of wonders they Stock their shelves with whatever the customers want to buy every Doggone Day. Sure its a lot of Worktop order and ship and Stock food but that a their Job for Peters Sake last Winter our commissary ran out of Salt. Salt i had Learned by then Attiat if you want to fit in Over Here you la set aside some time every week to complain about such things even though its perfectly obvious that your complaint has about As much Chance of being redressed As Saddam Hussein has of winning the Nobel peace prize. Nevertheless i politely asked Why there was no Salt available pointing out that civilizations incapable of providing a ready Supply of Salt to their people fell just below the Hunter gatherer stage of social evolution. While i was there i thought id ask Why some Hummingbird feeders had been taking up shelf space for so Long that a Carbon-14 test would be the Only Way to discover their original Stock Date. The store manager admitted that the Lack of Salt was indeed unfortunate but called to my attention the great difficulty commissaries have getting goods to Market what with All those trucks and trains and boats involved. Had i seen the spa that explained All this i told him i had. Somehow that did no to explain to me Why he local Economy was fairly bursting with Salt for Sale. When i told the manager this his eyes lit up he smiled and said a so coif see there a really no problem is there a a. Well Einstein had me there. I could buy Salt on the Economy. In fact i could buy everything on the Economy. Of course it did raise the question Why this fellow gets a paycheck because if you took All the Money we spend on commissary salaries and utilities and the like and just divided it up and gave everybody a share wed probably come out ahead but i let it pass. A so what about the Bird feeders a i pressed. A yes Well we think the problem there is that there actually Arentt any hummingbirds in this part of the world so sales have been a frit slow a i see. And did anybody consider sending them Back so you could free up the shelf space and Stock something people wanted to buy instead Quot a Are you kidding a a he replied. A do you know How much trouble it was to get those Bird feeders in the first place 1 takes trains and planes and trucks and boats. A a a i gave up. As 1 walked away he started humming the commissary theme song to himself As he dusted off an empty shelf. Heaven help me i caught myself humming along with him. . Ridgely is a civilian attorney assigned to . Army Southern european task Force arid 5th Neator army area come in Vicente Italy. A / a a a a a 1 a be our guest sunday Magazine has set aside space for guest columnists. If you have encountered anything amusing confusing frus rating or fascinating about life in Europe in the military or in general wed like to hear about it. This is not a place for gripes or letters to the editor a Don expect an official reply just loads of response from your friends. So sum up your thoughts in 500 words or less and Send Theno be our guest sunday Magazine Bpwe tars and stripes Apo 09211. Be sure to include a Telephone number where you can be reached during the Day. Feedback what is the most memorable gift you either gave or received for Valentines Day 7 v a capt. Kathleen Ryan 7274th a group Raf Chicksands England a dozen red gift in a giving my husband is a set of guinness glasses and a Case of guinness likes it so much. A sgt. Michael Baca administration specialist 435th tac Airlift Wing Rhein main a Germany about 300 hearts Cut from different colors of construction paper each with my name on it. When i walked into the apartment there was a Trail of hearts leading All the Way upstairs to the bed. Really neat ill never forget that. A Robin Gordon Dodds Germany consultant for hearing impaired children a close Friend once brought a huge bouquet of Flowers to my classroom. The funny part was watching the boys reactions. I put the Flowers on my desk they were upset. And Quot moved the Flowers signing a they done to go there and a who is that a capt. Elliot Cook 7274th Security police so Raf Chicksands England in a big into tradition of Flowers and Candy bum his year there was a new twist added. While on vacation i won a weeks trip to Jamaica ill take during Valentines Day. Senior airman Kimberly Moore 6950th electronic Security group Raf Chicksands England the Best Valentine gift i received was a dozen roses and a Little White Teddy Bear from my Boyfriend. Last year. Compiled by stars and stripes staff february 10,1991 sunday c Page a
