European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 24, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Tip done to let your Tomato dial 911 Dave Barry a right Ridder newspaper Pirig is Here and As an educated Crovi Ron mentally sensitive nutrition fanatic you should definitely think about organically growing your own fruits and veg. Tables. What do we mean when we say a organically grown fruits and vegetables technically we mean a fruits and vegetables with insects living in  insects Are an important source of highly nutritious protein. Look at bats. Bats eat a lot of in a sects and they re extremely healthy. They can spend a wild night of tying around screeching and sucking blood from unwary victims yet when they get Back to the Cave they still have enough a a zing Eft to sneak behind a stalactite for some hot sonar enhanced sex a ooh Marsha generate that frequency again a. This is in Stark contrast to the average Macri can consumer who rarely makes it through the monologue on the tonight show. Why because the average american consumer is eating supermarket fruits and  which Are known to contain a prepare to be alarmed a chemicals. Of course not All chemicals Are bad. Without chemicals such As Hydrogen and oxygen for example there would be no Way to make water a vital ingredient in Beer. But Many of the fruits and vegetables that you buy in supermarkets have been saturated with a class of chemicals that arc defined technically As a chemicals with Long scary names a such As  these chemicals can be harmful. In one Laboratory Experiment they were fed to a group of rats for six months at the end of which 68 percent of the rats had become cigarette smokers. As a modern concerned paranoid consumer you should definitely grow your own food organically. A Good fruit or vegetable to grow yourself is the Tomato. You be probably noticed that modern supermarket tomatoes Are inedible. This is because they re not bred for human consumption they re bred to be shipped Long distances via truck which requires that they have the same Juicy tenderness As croquet balls. The biggest problem with Homegrown tomatoes of course is that they might summon armed police to your Home. I base this statement on a Roanoke times amp world news Story sent to me by Many Alert readers this Story states that couple in a Remote area of Montgomery county. Va., had placed a Tomato in a wire Basket and while the couple was away the Tomato burst open and dripped juice onto the phone answering machine causing it to Short out somehow and re cat idly dial the county a 911 emergency num bar. The sheriffs department traced the Call and sent out some deputies who went into the House with their guns drawn. Fortunately the Tomato did not try anything stupid at that Point so the matter was resolved peacefully but you shudder to think what might have happened if it had been a More volatile vegetable such As Art asparagus or god forbid a Zucchini. Another vegetable you need to keep a close Eye on is the eggplant. I have Here an article from the International Herald Tribune concerning a Man named Zahid Kassam in Central England Sas we Boohar who claims that when he Cut open an eggplant a the seeds formed the name Allah in  according to the article Quot an estimated 4,500 pilgrims have visited or. Kassamos Small House in Leicester since the towns mosque designated the vegetable a holy  and this is not an isolated incident. The same article states that a Man in nearby Nottingham claims to have found Allah a name in yet another eggplant. To me this article is even More alarming than the one my Friend Libby Burger put on her refrigerator several years ago concerning the woman in Mexico who attracted Large crowds after discovering a Tortilla with the face of the Virgin maty on it. Because that was just one isolated Tortilla apparently acting on its own whereas Here we have what is obviously a coordinated Effort by an entire class of vegetables to form the name of a major world deity., this Means that you As a nutrition conscious organic Gardener run the risk that thousands of pilgrims could flock to your door creating a dangerous situation that could very Well panic one of your tomatoes into calling the police. Maybe you should just order a pizza. No kidding How american sayings Are expressed in Spain go Fly a Kite a go Fly asparagus sleep on it a consult your Pillow Chin up a hearts arise Burn the Midnight Oil a Burn your eyelashes Bone of Contention a Apple of discord swear a Blue Streak toss out toads and snakes source idiom s Delight random House 1988 the average american in love. First love a age 13 first real love a age 17 number of loves six source psychology today Magazine a Collins London England n o to it Quot where do you keep the pickles Page 24 a sunday March 24, 1991