European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 09, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A smooth transition a a a a a. A. A amps Effi Bacherl Robin Gott greets her husband Ken to Nurnberg Germany. After the extended separation and initial Welcome Home couples need to work on reestablishing their relationship. Stress caused by the separation of loved ones and. The disruption  life is frequently matched by the stress of reunion. A. A a a a. Or. Scott Borrelli a counselling  the Boston University overseas programs in Wiesbaden. Germany suggests 10 ways to make the transition. A experience As smooth As possible. ,. 1. Feel your feelings. It is Norma Rand natural to experience a variety of feelings such As guilt resentment and fear during the transitions of separation and reunion. You and your / spouse May feel Moody and tired and May not look a Forward to joining in on too Many group celebrations be a. Careful not to imagine that there Are any particular ways that you Quot should Quot feel and Don t put your feelings into categories such As Good bad or acceptable unacceptable acknowledge and share your feelings a they come up. A. A. It a co 2. Examine expectations. Identify expectations you have about what it will be like when your spouse returns. You May be expecting things to return quickly to a Normal Quot or that they should be a. Certain Way. You cannot predict All of the ways that the return will be and you May be in for surprises. Especially during the Early period you May discover that the. Returned spouse is feeling and needing things you. A a weren t anticipating. Because of the terrifying dangers of War the returning spouse Ray need a great Deal Ofa space and time to Febi Tho safety and predictability of a a Loving family. Ask the spouse what he or she. Needs and Tell them what you need. V3. Plan ahead. Prepare for the Homecoming by keeping in touch with. Your spouse about what s going on Back Home. Keep a journal of your daily experiences at Home which you can share with your spouse after the return. This provides a sense of connection and continuity that a family needs a when there has been a separation. Hold occasional family meetings while awaiting the return of the family member these meetings should include honest expressions and acceptance of feelings and worries. Plan to continue these meetings once the spouse returns. .4. Renegotiate role changes and be flexible. It is vital to remember that Many roles have changed during separation. Those roles need to be re evaluated and possibly revised upon the spouses s return. In most cases the remaining Parent has taken on additional roles formerly a assumed by their spouse. When the spouse returns much discussion will be necessary to identify the role changes. And to renegotiate who will do what.  5. Keep the Structure make necessary changes. Keep family rituals As constant As possible both during the separation and the Homecoming. There should be. As action line few surprises As possible although some Are unavoidable \ try to announce these potential changes in Advance. This will prepare returning spouses for the changes and let them. Feel that they continue to hold an important place in the Home and have Many of the same Basic responsibilities.6. Communicate and accept. When holding your family meetings both during the separation and the reunion discuss individual experiences. A ask the family members to discuss How they feel and have Felt about the ways in which the family has had to Cope with changes. Openly admit some of your own fears and a worries. Arfi some  if possible finish with declaration of renewed commitment optimism an Celebration for the ways that each family member has coped with the  a.�7, remember parents Are role models. Children look to their parents in times of stress. They a. Need to know parents will continue to be there for them and will provide the Security and Protection that they need to grow. Children learn to Cope by watching their parents. A troubled and fearful child is reassured when he sees his a parents doing their Best to maintain order and Structure. As models for coping parents can give children permission to feel and express themselves. A a a \ a a a a a a. 8. Watch out for the guilt of trying to be perfect. Many of us expect to do everything perfectly and punish a ourselves for our mistakes. Relieve some of the stress by a realizing that perfection is Only a guiding Light and -. A impossible to reach. There can be tremendous Relief in. A accepting that life is not perfect nor is it always predictable. We need Only do our a personal  children can accept our occasional mistakes even when we cannot. A a .9. Love is Quot almost All you need. Hug your children and Tell them you love thenh no matter what. This is the Best Medicine for the scared child. It also works Well for strained parents. You will need physical k reassurance from your spouse in the form of hugs affection. You will need to hear the words Quot i love you said often enough to Trust and believe that your spouse is a actually Home again. Be sure to ask for these. Be patient As these returns May come slowly from a War weary spouse. At first you May need to give a bit More than you receive.10. Ask for  you Are feeling overwhelmed by the Many changes that have taken place Over the past several months seek it a professional assistance. The military offers a variety of support services As Well As referrals for the asking. Reunion is a complicated business and an objective perspective May be just the thing to make the adjustments easier. Be careful not to expect too much of yourself. Don t imagine that you Are weak if you cannot do it All yourself to reach out for help is an expression of personal strength and family care and in no Way Means that you have failed in your coping attempts. Car costs go up after initial order  have a problem and thought maybe you could help me. My husband and i ordered a Ford probe it in a september. We also ordered an additional package a. According to Bur Ford representative Salesman included in this package were anti Block system brakes a trip computer and a Power Drivers seat. A. A we paid for the car in full and were awaiting delivery. Meanwhile my husband was sent to saudi Arabia. In december we found out our car had been built. Without anti Block system brakes a trip computer and a Power Driver  and that in order for this equipment to be included we would have to pay an additional $1,300. Can Ford motor company require us to pay More for the preferred equipment. Yvonne Beall Aschaffenbur Germany a. Master sgt. Dayton p. Strickland customer relations he cafes Europe replies. It s my understanding that you and your husband placed an order for a 1.991-Model vehicle in september and  in january because he was going to saudi Arabia. A a a. You reinstated the. Order on feb. .19, and the vehicle was processed and invoiced against the september order. A a a. Apparently what happened was the options you referred to were part of the Quot preferred customer package 261&Quot on 1990 Model cars but not on 1991-Model.cars. The Cost of having these items added to a 1991 car would be the $1,300 that Ford quoted you. Package contents change frequently on automobiles from year to year and throughout the Model year. A because of this the Purchase order is verified at the a factory for accuracy and customers Are notified of any variations or changes. A r you have the option to accept the changes and pay any differences or. To cancel the order and get your Money refunded. This procedure is designed to protect you and the manufacturer. A a to write us renders action line is the readers Quot court of last resort Quot striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or questions about policies and guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seeking information of general interest to our readers. Page 16 a the stars and stripes tuesday april 9, 1991