European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 24, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Divorce revolution reaches by to Emerson Cox news service when Charlee Lambert and her husband Ralph divorced in 1983, they worried about their six children. They also worried about their 10 grandchildren. By dissolving a marriage of 41 years the lamberts joined a growing number of americans who on their path to the Golden years make a pit Stop in the courtroom Quot i had one daughter who said you be lived together this Long Why can to you keep on Quot Charlee Lambert says i said the been Hurt All i can be there was a Point i could t  like her daughter Many people assume a marriage that lasts 30 years should last a lifetime. But psychologists and sociologists say the divorce revolution is steadily reaching older americans and longer term marriages. People in their 50s and 60s who believed in Quot til death do us part Quot find themselves in a world in which divorce is ubiquitous. Baby Boomers have made divorce More acceptable and their parents Are picking up the habit. Quot we be just gradually seen the divorce Rale creep up age Wise Quot says Atlanta family therapist Helen Coale who often works with the elderly. Quot it s seen More As a solution for people who Are older than it was 10 to 15 years  nationally the divorce rate has been declining a from a Peak of 5.3 divorces per 1,000 people in 1981 to 4.7 in 1988 a but older americans Are getting divorced More than their counterparts did 10 or 20 years ago. There Are 1.3 million divorced americans 65 and older a group that since 1980, has increased More than twice As fast As the population of older americans As a whole according to the american association of readers action line retired persons. Not All those seniors Are veterans of Long marriages but a growing number Are says Barbara Foley. Wilson a demographer with the National Center for health statistics. In 1970, about 17,000 30-year-plus marriages ended in divorce she says. In 1988, she estimated about 35,000 such marriages ended. A the lamberts married in 1942, three months after they met. Quot it was probably pure sex Quot Charlee Lambert says with a smile. Ralph Lambert was a Georgia native a War Veteran with big plans and no College education. He eventually became a Ford motor co. Sales manager with responsibility for the Southeast and a six figure salary. Quot my Job was the no. 1 thing for years Quot says Ralph Lambert 69. Quot i wanted to be sure i supported the family Well enough to get six kids through College Quot but during the Rise to the top he changed from a social Drinker into an alcoholic. He says that effectively ended the marriage he had quit drinking by the time of the divorce but at that Point he already was living on his own. The children did not take their Mother s Side but Quot they had a right to if they cared to Quot he says. Both parties have suffered. He lost his Post retirement tractor Dealership. She rents rooms to make ends meet. But neither is bitter. Quot she was a great person Quot Ralph Lambert says. A i lived with her 40 years or whatever that a history  some of. The same stresses that break up Young couples can eventually destroy a time tested relationship but there Are special strains that come with years. Coale says Quot what seems to have worked no longer  the 20-year to 25-year Mark is often a make or break anniversary she explains. At that Point a one or both careers Are peaking the kids Are leaving Home which highlights problems that were never worked out in the marriage a marriages of 30 to 40 years run into different challenges. Like retirement. Couples Don t always Cope Well with extra hours together says Sam Sligar a therapist and pastoral Counselor for an Independent living facility for senior citizens. Quot they realize that for the past 30 years they. Successfully ignored each other but they. Can to do that any More because he a sitting there at that breakfast table and he s not going  there Are other built in problems for older marriages. Sociologists say Middle age usually brings us face to face with the finality of death. Sligar describes a familiar male response a the Man tries to avoid his mortality by seeking out somebody who s younger Quot via a Hasty exit from a Long. Marriage followed by remarriage to a woman several years his Junior. Men age 50 who remarried in 1987 were on average 8.1 years older than the new spouse Wilson says. Men also do better financially. Among older couples who divorce Quot the men usually have jobs the men usually have health insurance the men usually have pensions the women do not Quot says Jeanne Sher president of the metro Atlanta chapter of the older women s league. Quot it is not easy to pick up your life and Start Over again. We re trying to train women to face the situation and actually go out and take charge of their  beyond the financial woes both men and women face an enormous and painful task when they try to disentangle a life spent together. Those who were longtime couples find after divorce that their lives were entwined in ways they had t imagined. A a it a a big family and we were very close All of us Quot says Charlee Lambert who is the director of the Council on elder abuse and neglect in Dekalb county a. Quot the person probably Hurt the most was my Mother because she really liked  dividing up friends after a Long term marriage often is As stressful As dividing up property. Quot it took a while to get Over that Quot says Ralph Lambert. Quot i had to get new friends a different  although children of an older marriage Are usually grown and rearing children of their own therapists say they can still be traumatized by the event particularly if the kids try to Quot fix Quot things the divorce also can be deleterious to an adult child a View of Long term commitment. Quot i thought it was a real Challenge How to handle this and not ruin your daughters. Marriage or son s marriage Quot Payne says problems with pay and Bank deposits of a around the Middle of april my husband had his pay allotment transferred from the stateside Bank to the Community Bank Here. He did not expect the allotment to take effect until at least the first of june. When he received his april Les leave and earnings statement it stated the end of month pay mid month pay and the stateside Bank. Underneath that was the next mid month amount with no mention of the Community Bank. Naturally he assumed next mid month pay would continue to go to the stateside Bank. After he left for Kuwait it was up to me to pick up his May Les i was shocked to discover his Les indicated his mid month pay had been deposited into the Community Bank and not the stateside Bank. This was confirmed when i called the stateside Bank. Needless to say it has complicated our finances in More ways then one. When i spoke with the army finance department Here All i received was a shrug of indifference. It is incomprehensible to me How finance can feel they Are not obligated to notify a Soldier before the last. I was under the impression that this Type of transaction always began on the first of the month. As usual when army finance does the unpredictable they justify it and we pay the Price. Dee Weir bad kissing in Germany a sgt. 1st class Ronald Flynn staff finance no office of the Deputy chief of staff resource management he Usa eur replies you should not have received a shrug of indifference you should have received an explanation the changing of the mid month pay option without notification is a problem that exists with the current pay system joint uniform military pay systems jumps. This has been a problem whenever soldiers who have mid month options change those pay options to another financial institution. If the pay option is received by the defense finance accounting Center Indianapolis Dias i after printing of the leave and earnings statements Les starts approximately the 22nd o1 the month and prior to the Start of the mid month Cycle usually the 4th of the month the pay change will become effective that mid month. This contrary to the indication on the previous Les. A a i advise soldiers whenever a change of pay option occurs to Contact their new Bank to ensure that the Check was deposited prior to writing any checks. The Cost of the phone Call will be cheaper than the Bank charges for returned checks and the embarrassment of checks being returned for insufficient funds. The . Army is implementing a new pay system joint service software ass. Under ass a mid month statement called net pay advice spa will be issued to every Soldier. This will contain the amount and address or Bank that the mid month Check is going to. This system will be implemented in Usa eur Between september 1991 and March 1992. Back to Normal hours at Derheim facilities it i am stationed on a Rattler Small Post in Derheim. Our cafes facilities have some strange operating hours. For example the Barber shop is Only open on monday wednesday and Friday. The Burger bar closes very Early so if i want to get something to eat after work i can t. The Exchange hours Are not that bad except on weekends when they close around 4 or 5 Hope no one needs any last minute items. And the worst of All a the theater. It closed for Good when we deployed for operation desert storm. We Are All Back now and it is still closed. I can understand that business May be pretty slow since we re a Small Community but i thought cafes was Here for us. Perhaps i am wrong or do we suffer because we re living in a Small Community spec. David a. Dettling Derheim Germany sgt. Mai. Michel j. Bolduc he cafes Europe a sergeant major replies with the troops returning to Derheim we be gone Back to Normal hours of operation in most cases. The Barbershop is now open monday through Friday from 9 . To 5 . The shop Pette and Exchange hours Are also Back to Norma and both Are open until 8 . On thursdays in support of operation prime time. The Burger bar is experiencing a shortage of employees and is maintaining the hours of 8 . To 5 . Monday through Friday and from 10 . To 3 . Weekends regarding the theater we be finally located a fully qualified projectionist that we did no to have a month ago. The theater re opened on aug. 2. To write us readers action line is the readers Quot court of last resort Quot striving to answer some of the questions about life overseas in a military environment or questions about policies and guidelines when other avenues for answers Are not readily available. If you have a question and Don t know where to turn for the answer write to readers action line co the stars and stripes. Apo 09211-4211. All letters must be signed and preference will be Given to those seem information of general interest to our readers Page 16 a the stars and stripes saturday August 24, 1991