European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 29, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the drive in Porky done to pork pig haters understand is a pig now they re going after Porky pig. There arc Porky pig haters in America. An organization called the National stuttering project has been picketing Warner Brothers this year claiming that Porky makes fun of a children with speech problems and should be replaced by a an assertive stuttering Porky who would be an advocate for kids who Lemma explain something to you people Porky is a pig. Most pigs done to talk at All. When we find a pig that do stalk he might not be Able to do it exactly right. I Don t think its violating the artistic reality of a talking pig to suggest that he might not be Able to recite the Balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Why because he s a pig do you understand this you see most of us understand the difference Between a child and a pig. The child has bigger ears and costs More to feed. All right everybody put Down this article turn for a moment and look at your child. Sec pig child. Pig child. I know it s hard to Tell them apart sometimes but look at Porky and then look at the child. Pig then child. Sec How easy it is once you get the Knack of this Little conceptual trick you la be Able to constantly Tell the difference Between cartoon life and real life while making your daily rounds. Besides which if Porky is not supposed to be a Good role Model then who is Porky is probably the most innocent guileless Good natured cartoon character Warner Brothers Ever created. Its Daft Duck who is the Donald Trump of cartoon land. It s bugs Bunny who a the Eddie Haskell of the neighbourhood. And its Elmer Fudd who advocates violence As the solution to All human problems. What has Porky Ever done it s this stuttering project Institute that thinks Porky is a bad person just because he stutters i know i know i know we re not supposed to make fun of anything about anybody anymore. All right All right All right. Ill shut up about it and Mark one More special interest group off my list. Ill never make a stuttering joke As Long As i live. But lets not blame it on Porky All right he did no to do anything. He happens to stutter that Sall. Its these other people Audi Medof their stuttering who arc the bigots. Did i just say a was Long As i live ? Well. Of. Bently Tittle left and Blake Pickett appear in Vampire trailer Park. My my my my a in my to my my a maybe just one. Folks. That was for Porky. Speaking of deformed handicapped tourist attractions in Florida this movie just came out called Vampire trailer Park Ami what it is. Did i say a came out Quot actually i done to know whether it a came out or not because what s happened in this Day of the video revolution is that All kinds of people Are making All kinds of movies for video release and they All Send pm to me and you never know whether anybody Ever actually sees pm in a theater or not. And for some reason 70 percent of these direct to video quickies come from Florida where ave Rhody has Orlando theme Park fever and so they re going out and renting camera equipment and asking their girlfriends to get no kid and let mutant slime creatures suck their blood. And that s what Vampire trailer Park is. A Guy named Steve Latshaw of Apopka Fla., made it for about 50 cents with Amateur actors and its the Story of a bulimic Vampire who moves into a trailer Park with his Creepy aunt Hattie a one of those bag ladies whose skin is starting to hang off her face like silly Putty a and the two of them lure dimwit retired people into their trailer House Force pm to watch reruns of the Flint stones and Gilligan a Island until they become vacant eyed zombies and then use pm for to dinners. Then for the next 10 minutes of the movie the Vampire who a some kind of 18th-Century Plantation owner with Elmer a glue on his face pukes blood All Over the Walls. Meanwhile there a a lame brain whiskey Selling private Eye and an epileptic psychic cruising Florida topless Bat districts searching for the Vampire who killed grandma while a Horny redneck and his chubs or Butch wife Chase each other around the trailer court and try to get the old people to jog a lot and consume Large quantities of Salt so die and they can make $250,000 Selling the trailer Park to them Park developers. Finally they hire a zen spouting Bimbo and her convenience store Rob Bing Boyfriend to run Over retirees with a late Model convertible and. Well As you can Sec there a just Way too much plot getting in the Way of the Story Here. But there s a Good explanation for that the Vampire wrote the screenplay. An 87 on the vomit Meier for the chunks of. Never mind id rather not go into it. Eighteen dead bodies. No breasts despite the presence of Blake Pickett the Star of Spring break forever and her two enormous talents. Exploding to set. Fact Cream and Pancake Spatula fun. One and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless dear editor Aspen times daily i Echo Kris Snyder s letter to the editor in the Aspen times on june 21, iw1 a Joe bobs column is total trash. I Only wish id written to your paper first a a Long time ago surely you can fill your paper with less prejudiced More worthwhile columns Susan cd Appel Collin Aspen Colo fit Joe Bob Briggs creators Syndicate dear Susan you la be Happy to know that i m being replaced next week with a new column called dead llah digest w Ritten by former Punk Rocker pig face from his cell in the Michigan slate Penitentiary. Dear Joe Rob How come drive ins just sit there 21 or 30 years maybe longer after they go outta business nobody has the heart to tear pm Down monuments to bring Baek old memories reminds me of the Lime Hack in �?T71, when i was traipsing through Mesquite with a couple of Wacky Ter Hacky cigarettes in my pocket and got a free ride to the jail what a swarm of rednecks. After a week of recovery in one of the solitary cells they Pul the daughter of the owner of the Mansfield drive in in inc other one. By contorting myself i was Able to watch her through a vent Hole at the lop of the Wall shows what that stuff la do to your morals. I remember How attractive she w As at least parts of her. Now 1 suppose ill never see her again. Thanks. Mike viewer Arlington Texas dear Mike Are you assuming that a woman you spied on 20 years ago who was never even aware of your existence has passed out of your life done the so Nega it e. Dear Joe Bob i have been troubled by a certain aspect of your Standard review format. It is the breast category. When you say a weight breasts do you mean eight different breasts or eight breast exposures with some repeals and do you really count breasts or if you see just one on a Side shot you have seen them both is the count by pair or by single breast and what about sequel breasts a Are we gelling new or just rerun breasts in space age bimbos if your pal. Boh Buck Orlando Fla. Dear Bob sigh every year i have to re explain this to you Guys one breast is one breast. I Don t pass out credits for Side views. You re ass Nung there s another breast on the other Side of the one you re seeing. Aren t you you could be wrong. A breast must earn its right to be counted. It can to just lie there in the same scene and get multiple credit. It can however be recounted by a separate performance in a different scene. I do distinguish Between actual breasts and the dreaded stunt breasts such As the ones used by i Anya Roberts in the scandal surrounding Legal tender and. Even More shocking the ones used by Julia Roberts in pretty 29. 1991 sunday a Page u
