European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 29, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                That a the Way it sort of was this past year Dave Barr january 1 a the new year dawns with iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein arrogantly thumbing his nose at International Law Siulc does this Homicidal bully realize that although he is Riding High now. Before the year is Over he will be us. Almost a year older. His War erupts in the Middle last As massive Allied air forces attack Iraq with extremely sophisticated computerized weapons capable of hitting with pinpoint accuracy any target except Saddam Hussein. 17 a the iraqi air Force rising to the Challenge flies to Iran. In a the air War Over Iraq heats up As the . Air Force introduces a frequent combat f Lier program under which after a certain number of sorties pilots May bomb the target of their Choice. Many choose Sam  s a tensions mount in the persian Gulf As a grim faced Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf orders his troops to shoot the next member of the press corps who asks him when the ground War is going to Start. 23 a ground fighting begins. Hopes Are amused for an Early end to the War when 3,500 iraqi troops surrender to an Allied portable Field toilet. 2b Allied forces push deep into Iraq toward Baghdad drawing Ever closer to accomplishing the Mission of eliminating Saddam his tyrant this murderer this International cancer this. Wait hold it new orders from Washington the new Mission is to mail Hussein a certified letter notifying him that he lost the  13 a Saddam claims he never got any letter about losing any War. The u.n., after three Days of debate votes to turn the matter Over to a collection  1 a 1 he . Economy is definitely on the mend announce president Bush s economic advisers. After a two hour meeting with the faster Bunny. I 1991 Tilburne Media services inc. V in Palm Beach tireless activist sen. Edward m. Kennedy d Umb leads a historic fact find ing Mission of the select subcommittee on fermentation and Noel Urnal recon Aissa  4 a White House aides become alarmed when president Bush on his routine jog. Suddenly begins speaking in Complete sentences. He is rushed to Bethesda naval Hospital where doctors begin a series of tests to determine How come if it s a naval Hospital it s nowhere neat the water. A medical tests reveal that president Bush is suffering from Graves disease which a in what doctors describe As a one in a million coincidence a is the same disease a ill dieting mrs. Bush and Millie the first dog. N a further tests reveal that in what doctors say is a one in 37n quintillion coincidence every tourist who has visited the White House for the past three years also has Graves disease. 9 a president Bush announces that on the advice of his physician he will Stop inviting Graves to the White  7 a White House chief of staff John Summit arguing that he is extremely essential to the government and must always be near special communications equipment defends his decision to travel from Washington to a Boston denial appointment via nuclear submarine. 12 a Thurgood Marshall announces Bis retirement from the supreme court after realizing that for six months he has been hearing cases in his  1 a president Bush who is totally against racial quotas discovers to his amazement that of All the possible candidates to replace Thurgood Marshall who is Black the most qualified person is Clarence Thomas who in what while House doctors say is a one in 9s4 Hillion jillion Vermilion coincidence also happens to be Black. In a news conference Thomas reveals that he was born in Humble origins. Gay a and grew up so poor that he could never afford to have an opinion. 29 a Pec wee Herman reaches puberty and is  15the supreme court rules that John Sun Uii it is so essential to the government that he should be surgically attached to die president. A hell be like a giant  stall s chief Justice William relinquish Quot but less  22 a a soviet coup against Mikhail Gorbachev collapses when thousands of Moscow citizens in a dramatic confrontation with red aim Lank units realize dial the tank engines  All been traded to Italy for  l i u to Cuomo hints that he will run Loi president. 13 a after three grueling Days of Sci Taie judiciary committee hearings on the Clarenee Thomas nomination. Chairman Joseph Biden completes his Lirosi question. Sen. Suom Muir mond asks him to repeat it. 20 a president Bush in Portugal to discuss How the . Can help fight a fungus that threatens the Olive crop angrily denies die charge that he is neglecting Domestic issues. Quot i am very concerned about the United us. . States a he says. Quot Barbara and i have a summer Home  20 a Mario Cuomo hints that he will not run for  0 a round two of the Senate judiciary committee hearings begins with several Hundred witnesses including Mike Tyson testifying that Anita Hill probably had romantic fantasies about them thus raising a a question of How she found time to gel a Law degree. J 12 a Geraldo Rivera testifies that both Anita Hill and Mike Tyson had fantasies about him. 21 a Mario Cuomo hints that Mayhe he already is  1 a 1 lie Middle East peace talks go smoothly until Lour minutes into the historic session when the two sides Exchange gunfire in a dispute involving the prime danish. 2 a the peace talks conclude on a hopeful note with Surv ivors on both sides agreeing to meet again in a location that has Mote plasma. 10 a Mario Cuomo hints that in a past life he was the Queen of Scotland. In faced with a Choice Between David Duke and Edwin Edwards. Louisiana voters in a heartwarming demonstration of common sense and Good old fashioned american decency move to Ohio. December a in the biggest . Military action since the Mil w a an army division removes John Sumins from die White mouse. 3fi a Mario Cuomo hints that lie is a mutant limited Onia who has the Power to comm uie ale with Trees. 2s the Side Bush m yet another Loren policy Triumph is elected to the British Par Quot Hamem. A lie rest of us. However Are stuck Here. But Happy new year no Vevay. To , a a sunday it climber 29. 1991